Stinging Butterflies

“Come on fatty Patty! Quit being such a girl and fight me like a man,” the powerful boy said above me. I was on the ground, glasses broken with my vision blurred with tears. It was just another day at school for me.

“Come on queer! Get up!”

I received a harsh kick to my stomach. I let my head roll to my left and that’s when I saw him. He was standing by the bushes with his friends smiling and laughing. He had no idea what was happening to me nor did he know my name. Despite the pain in my stomach I could still feel the butterflies stinging within me. He was my dream guy.

The man I was speaking about was Brendon Boyd Urie. He was in the same grade level as myself and was much taller and leaner than me. He had chocolate brown hair and deep brown eyes that I could just go on for days about. Brendon had a light tan to go along with all of his looks. His fashion sense resembled a Beatles-esque style.

“Are you drooling over that Urie boy, Patty?” My attacker, who was better known as Josh Davidson, asked.

I looked up and tried to answer him. My voice quivered and I stuttered out an answer for him. I then received a harsh slap in the face for it.

“I just got the greatest idea Patty! You’re going to be a little surprise for your lover boy!”

I was picked up by the back of my shirt having the front press into my throat. This restricted my breathing severely. As I was being picked up I felt around and grabbed what remained of my glasses. Once again this was nothing new to me, yet I didn’t know whether the locker I was going to be put it was going to be opened anytime soon since it was after school hours.

“Here we are Patty! You’re new home until someone decides to open up,” Josh said throwing me into the locker. I heard the door close and the lock being set. I relaxed when I heard footsteps walking away from my location. I let my body slump down into the locker as far as it would go. I slipped on my glasses and blinked a couple times.

“Just my luck,” I muttered, “How long is it going to take for me to get out this time?” I peered through the slats at the top of the locker. I could see no one within the hallway nor did I hear anyone walking by. I positioned myself comfortably and began to think of how I got myself into this mess.

Around school since about the seventh grade I was known as the ‘queer.’ I had yet to tell anyone about my sexual preference and yet they still called me by that name. I knew I preferred guys over girls when I first hit puberty. While the girls grew and formed into their womanly shape, I was getting hot and bothered over the high school boys that would walk on the street.

When I graduated junior high school it was officially known to almost the whole entire Illinois population that I was gay. I was ridiculed for the first few months and then it died down. The first day of high school I was given a beating by the captain of the football team. Two weeks later I had the word ‘fag,’ spray painted on the front of my locker. Once again it all died down until after Christmas.

After the Christmas holidays I came back to school with a bit more of a rocker look and I always wore some form of hat. I was then deemed the ‘fashion fag,’ by the student body. Despite all of my misgivings during my freshman year I did manage to make a friend. The friend of mine happened to be Pete Wentz.

Pete who was a good head taller than me and as thin as a stick befriended me after much trouble. At the time I didn’t want a friend. I just wanted to be left alone, but Pete broke through to me. He then introduced me to my other two friends Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman in sophomore year.

I was now a junior and I was still being pushed around for being different. I was still friends with Pete and I hadn't changed much. Maybe I only gained a few pounds. I had discovered singing as well and I discovered my crush on Brendon.

"I'm not going to take long guys. I'm just grabbing my literature book," a voice said from the hallway. I could hear the footsteps getting louder. They then came to an abrupt stop in front of the locker I was in.

The lock was being turned back and forth. My breathing hitched and I felt the air become thinner. The door was open a shriek was heard. I ran out of the locker and straight into the wall. I fell back and groaned.

"You scared me! Are you alright over there? Who are you?" The person who opened the locker asked.

I looked at their face and saw who it was. My face automatically reddened when I realized it was Brendon. I sat up quickly and shook my head. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry," I kept repeating to him. Brendon's face scrunched up and contorted in confusion. Before he could say another thing to me I got up and ran out of the school building, still repeating my apologies.

╪♥╪

I walked into school the next day with my glasses taped up and a slight limp in my step. I was in a sulky mood walking over to my locker. People were giving me odd stares as I walked. Their eyes were piercing and I could hear their whispers. I began to walker quicker to my locker, but my limp was causing me to struggle. Gaining a little momentum I hobbled down the hallway where my locker was. That was when I felt myself bump into something causing me to take a stumble.

"I'm so sorry," said the person I bumped into, placing their hand on my shoulder. I looked to see that it was none other than Ryan Ross. Ryan was Brendon's closest friend and there was rarely a time when they were apart.

"No, it was my fault I didn't see where I was going," I said quickly.

Ryan stood up and offered me a hand. I gladly took it and stood up. I smiled because Ryan was treating me so nicely. “Once again I’m sorry…” He trailed off, not knowing my name.

“Patrick,” I said, telling him my name.

Ryan smiled. “Patrick, I’ll remember that. I’m Ryan by the way.”

I nodded. “Sorry, for bumping in to you. I best be on my way. I’ve yet to reach my locker you know.”

“Alright, see you around Patrick!” Ryan waved and walked away.

I continued my journey to my locker and soon reached it. Unlocking the lock and opening my locker up, I grabbed my books for my first two classes. I shut my locker harshly for if I didn’t it would never close. I locked it up hurriedly. The bell rang and I hobbled off to my first class of the day, hoping that maybe things were starting to look up.

Classes had ended quicker than I thought, but it was due to the fire alarm being pulled in the middle of Physics class. We waited outside for over an hour and a half to get back inside. I saw Ryan with Brendon and his friends. Ryan waved at me and I waved back at him. Brendon then started conversing with him and looking in my direction. Butterflies flew within me every time I saw him smile his famous happy grin. I guessed that Ryan was telling him who I was.

I proceeded to exit the school building my head down with my cap on tight covering my eyes. I had yet to be beaten today and I felt that if I were to go through that again I would never make it. I did glance up for one moment though. Ryan seemed to have caught my eye and waved for me to come over.

“Patrick,” he yelled running to me.

I looked up at him and nodded. “Ryan,” I said loud enough for him to hear.

“I was wondering if you would want to join up with my friends. You seemed pretty lonely and when I bumped into you earlier I figured you could use some fun,” he said.

It only took me a nanosecond to make my decision. “I guess I could.”

“Great, now come on I’m going to introduce you to Brendon, Spencer, and Jon.” He motioned for me to follow and I did, hobbling as fast as my stumpy little legs could carry me. I followed Ryan around to the back of the school to see the man of my dreams first.

He turned his head and smiled at Ryan. His brown eyes twinkled with happiness. “You finally made it Ryro,” Brendon said hugging his friend.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a friend of mine to tag along with us. He looked like he could use some fun. Brendon this is Patrick,” Ryan said gesturing towards me.

“Nice to meet you Pat,” Brendon said extending a hand to shake.

I gladly shook it and felt my cheeks turn red like cherries. “N-nice to meet you,” I said awkwardly to him. I tried to smile, but I was too nervous to do so.

Brendon focused his attention back to Ryan again. “Oh, I almost forgot Ryro! Spencer and Jon won’t be joining us today because of something they got in trouble for. I honestly have no idea what they did though.”

“Well, I guess it’s just us then,” Ryan said in response.

“Let’s get a move on then, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover,” Brendon said beginning to walk. Ryan followed next and then I followed tottering. Brendon looked back and saw. “Are you alright Pat? You’re limping,” he said.

“I’m fine,” I answered almost too quickly.

“Are you sure? It looks pretty bad to me.” He slowed his pace and let Ryan take the lead. We were soon walking side by side and I could feel my breathing become labored. My palms were starting to get sweaty and my heart was beating faster. Brendon swayed a bit and his arm touched mine. Jolts went through me.

“I’m sure, I’m fine.”

“Alright, well my car isn’t too far anyway.”

I nodded and fell silent. We continued to walk with Ryan in front of us. I was trying to pace my breathing as well as I could. This was too nerve racking for me. My face was beginning to heat up again when I tried to keep my thought of Brendon to a minimum.

“There’s my baby,” Brendon said giddily running over to a black Acura. I watched him take his keys out of his back pocket and open the car. Ryan opened the passenger side door and stepped inside. I opened the door behind Ryan and sat. I buckled myself in because safety always came first.

“Are we going to Lighting Gale?” Ryan asked.

“Yes, we are. I need to pick up some new stuff because I keep burning through my stuff like crazy,” Brendon said. He put the key in the ignition and turned the car on. We then sped out of the parking lot and down the road.

I kept quiet in the backseat and listened to what Ryan and Brendon spoke about. I didn’t know where we were going. Just watching him was remarkable. I didn’t know how I could come into such great fortune of even witnessing a boy like Brendon. I relaxed in the seat and became lost in my thoughts. I became so lost I drifted to dreamland.

“Patrick, wake up. Come on you know you want to,” a voice said coaxing me out of sleep.

I opened my eyes saw Brendon hunched over me, a small smile on his face. I just started deep into his eyes, transfixed by them I lost myself. That was until Brendon shook me a little.

“Come on Pat! We’re here,” he said getting out of the car.

I nodded quickly and unbuckled myself and stepped out. I caught up to Brendon and Ryan as we entered a small shop of some sort. Stepping inside I saw it was full of candles and such. A candle shop was where we were. I found it cute that Brendon needed to come here. I would have never guessed he was big on candles.

I took off by myself to the back where some candle holders took my attention. They were gold with green stones running down the side in intricate patterns. It almost looked as if it came from a castle’s old room full of treasures.

“See anything that suits your fancy?” Brendon asked from behind me.

I spun round and smiled. “Y-yeah,” I stuttered.

“You’ve been so quiet all this time and you keep stuttering Pat. It’s kind of, ahem, cute. What’s been making you so nervous?” He asked. He took a step closer to me.

This was a do or die situation for me. It was either pass out on the floor or say something. I decided to speak from the heart. “What I’m about to say could be kind of crazy. I’ve been walking around, staring at the ground and waiting for you to throw your weight around, Brendon. Butterflies sting my insides every time I see you. I don’t know why I’m speaking lyrically. I just…I really like you.” I lowered my head in embarrassment.

“I thought you’d never say anything,” he said grabbing my hands.

I looked up to see Brendon’s sparkling eyes looking at me. Affection swam through the beautiful pools of chocolate brown. My face was starting to turn crimson again and I couldn’t help it. I saw Brendon lower his face until our foreheads touched. My eyes fluttered close when I felt his breath on the bridge of my nose.

“Stay still,” he whispered to me. Brendon’s lips then caught mine in an innocent kiss. His lips ran over mine and my grip on his hands tightened in nervousness. My lips slowly moved under his trying to find a rhythm. Brendon pulled away and smiled. He then pecked my forehead.

“Sorry, I’m not the best kisser,” I said lowly.

“You’re perfect,” Brendon said in reassurance. His large, soft hands let go of mine and wrapped around my waist. “You’re so huggable. You know that Pat?” He asked.

“N-no,” I stuttered. My lips were quivering and I was feeling edgy.

Brendon reattached his lips to mine. This time our kiss held more emotion, like he needed it. I kissed back as best as I could do. I really liked this boy and here I was kissing him. Brendon again parted out kiss. “I had to stop your lips from quivering,” he said.

I giggled and began feeling more comfortable. “Thank you,” I said using my full voice.

“No problem Pat. Now come on we have candle shopping to do! I swear this place has every scent imaginable. I’m in the mood for mango. I hear it heightens the senses,” he said taking my hand and pulling me down an aisle in the shop.

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into nor did I know Brendon well, but I knew we had something between us. A kiss never means ‘nothing,’ in my book. Yet, then as I was being dragged down the aisle of little store I couldn’t help but feel the butterflies sting deep in my gut. This time they weren’t the pain of unrequited love, but the sting of a new romance.