Paint It Black

I jump as I hear a car pull up outside my half open window. it is nearing six P.M. so it should be my father. I watch the darkened figure get out of the car and find their way to the front door.

Key. Lock. Door.

"Hello? I'm home." My father calls out.

"Hi dad, I'll be out in a second." I reply, setting aside my reading book and venturing out of my room to see my dad. I smile when I see him, giving him a hug.

"I'll be starting dinner soon. Do you where your sister is?" Dad asks, slightly concerned. I tell him to call her and give him the phone. On my way back to my room, I stumble over a shoe. Picking it up to put it on the rack, I see my mother's Ruby-red going-out shoes. I swallow hard and feel a lump rise to my throat.

"Dad! Don't bother calling. I know where she is." I call, fighting back the tears that are inevitable to come streaming down my cheeks any second.

"Shes," I pause. "She's at mum's grave." I choke on my words and hear my dad heave a deep sigh.

"Come on, Indi. We'll get her." He says, his voice noticably lower than usual. He walks into the hallway in which I am standing - shoe in hand. I take one look at him and for the first time since my mother's death, my dad finally seems human and I see tears well in his eyes. I shiver, a cold feeling chilling my spine.

"Okay, dad, its getting darker by the second. We have to get Ayla." I say, my tone demanding rather than asking. He wipes his eyes quickly with the back of his hand and tells me to grab a coat. I do as I am told and hurry out to the car.

--

We arrive at the cemetary. It has grown quite dark and I am slightly spooked. Sure enough I could see Ayla, standing at mum's grave. Body visable but mind nowhere is sight.

"Ay." I say softly, approaching her. She snaps out of he daze and looks at me. He tear-stained cheeks hurt for me to see. She took mum's death worse than the rest of us. She fell into my arms and sobbed on my shoulder. She is two years my senior, yet I am slightly taller and I am who she comes to for comfort. I rub her back soothingly.

"Ay, you're okay. Its gonna be okay." I coo into her hair. She takes a deep breath, steps out of my grasp and smiles feebly.

"As long as I have you and dad, we'll be fine, right?" The corner of her mouth tilts up slightly again.

"Yeah." I smile back. Dad takes one of our hands each and we say goodbye to mum before heading for the car.

When we arrive home, I retreat back to my room and pick up my book again. Before I know it, I am asleep...

I hear a loud echo throughout the blackness that has overcome me. I shudder and keep walking endlessly in the sea of black. Something warm drips onto my arm. It is then I realize I am crying. I feel a horrible pain in my stomach. Collapsing to what I believe is the ground, I scream. All of a sudden, I feel nothing but peace. Serenity. I could never have been happier. Everything is still black, but I feel relived, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I breathe deeply before lying flat on my stomach in the blackness. I close my eyes, but to my horror, as soon as they shut, I fall. I can't stop myself. I open my eyes and keep falling through the blackness. I try to scream but I don't make sound; nothing comes from my mouth but air. The falling stops quickly and the pain returns. My lungs constrict and I can't breathe. The tears start pouring from my eyes again.

"Indi! Indi!" I hear a faint sound of Ayla's voice.

"Indigo!" She yelled louder. In the sea of black, I can't see her. I feel like I am being shaken.

"Indigo!" She yells once more and my eyes snap open. I am breathing heavily and my face feels sweaty. I blink a few times to realize it was only a dream.

"Are you okay?" She asks, worried look on her face. I nod.

"Well... Dinner is ready now, c'mon." She smiles. Something I haven't seen in a long time, and puts out her hand. I take it and jump up off the bed.

"I'll be down in a minute." I say. She nods and walks out. I go to the bathroom, splash and dry my face and look in the mirror. I sigh and smile at myself. Oddly, I feel better and head on into the living room for dinner. I have been having the same dream, with only slight variations, every night since mum's death, four years ago.

After dinner, I go straight to bed. Four hours later I am waking up again after having that same dream right on cue, yet again. I sit up and put my lamp on, taking out my reading book, trying to tire myself out. I fail this. I read for over an hour and can’t get to sleep. I look out my window into the midnight-blue pale mist. It is strangely beautiful and I am so intrigued that I don’t notice my slipping back into a sleep.

I’m miserable, but at least I’m not in the blackness. I am at her grave. The pale blue mist is still around, yet slightly clearer. It is first light. I have an exquisite blood red rose in my hand. I place the rose on my mother’s headstone. A rush of freezing cold air floods over me. I am shivering madly. I cannot see and I fear that the blackness, the overwhelming darkness that takes over me, is back. To my relief it doesn’t. No, my mother is now standing in front of me. Her pale figure is slightly see-through. She is smiling that smile that I miss so much. I fling my arms around her only to see that she isn’t really there. I can only see her.

“Indi, I miss you my dear. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to you and Ayla. I’m here, but only for a little while.” Mum begins. I smile a wide smile, only to realize that she means she’ll have to go. My smile fades quickly and I begin to sob, begging her not to leave.

“Darling, I know you want me to come back but I can’t. You know that. I know it is very hard but you’ll have to accept it and move on. Know I’ll always love you so much, Indigo. Never forget that. I have to go now, to see your sister.” She pauses and strokes my hair.

”Goodbye Indi.” She smiles her polite and loving smile. I smile too and tell her I love her, and before I realize, she is gone.

I wake up with tears flooding down my cheeks. I sigh and get out of bed, looking through the window. I am amazed to see the sun is out. There is a new rose flowering on the rose bush in the garden. I smile to myself. I feel as though my mother did visit me last night, as though it wasn’t a dream. I smile to myself happily. Roses were my mother’s favorite, and the rose bush had not flowered since mum’s death, and it is flowering now. After my dream last night I now have reason to believe it is mum who is making those flowers grow. I feel content to know that finally I am happy again, truly, for the first time in four years.