Broken Glass & Hidden Dreams
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
Lestat infatuated with the idea of finding Louis and Claduia again.
Adam flirting with other people, seeming to somewhat forget about Kris.
A human girl coming upon The Coven's front door by chance, not to mention while Mina was in child birth.
Marius off in search of some long lost lover, leaving Armand to fend for himself.
Zero cheating on Vlad with Angelus.
Daniel joining The Coven and playing it up with many of our members.
Claudia returning, rekindling Lestat's love for her as well as Louis.
No, it was all too much for me.
I understood it all, but sometimes understanding leads to more pain than being in the dark.
You know what they say, ignorance is bliss, and I believe in this case, they would be right.
In all my years I have loved but two vampires.
The first, my beautiful and angelic, Angela. My childe.
The second, Lestat. Sexy, kinky, rock star lover, Lestat.
And I know full well that true love never dies, which is why I say I understand.
Oh yes, I understand all too well for my liking.
I can see how things would be different for my fellow Coven members as many of their past loves are still alive, still out there in this wretched world, living, feeding.
I can understand how at times, Marius' or Lestat's heart should yearn for a past love of theirs, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I want Lestat to be mine, to think of only me. Is that selfish of me? Perhaps, but the want remains the same.
I flew all the way back to where Angela is buried to tell her that I was moving on from her, and one may think that an act as such would be easier because she is dead, but her death did not simply remove my feelings for her.
I let her go fully so that my entire heart could belong to Lestat.
I suppose Lestat cannot offer me the same.
Each day spent with him and The Coven seem to grow longer as things become more tense.
I doubt he knows it, but I can sense his yearning for Louis. I can feel the tug on his heart, and sometimes I catch him staring at his engagement ring as if it is some sort of anchor, something that's holding him down - holding him back.
I don't like that. Not at all, but what can I do?
There is nothing.
Obviously one could see where that would be frustrating for me.
Or perhaps they cannot. Perhaps I am just the hostile vampire of this Coven; the vampire who loses his temper too often, who says the wrong thing every time he opens his mouth, who thinks he is on a pedestal and needs to get off his high horse.
Yes, that is what I've become. I am now just a nuisance to the rest of The Coven.
I sense it every time I enter the room.
I see it when the muscles of those around me tense up when I walk past.
Simply another thing that has me frustrated these days.
I created this place to be a home for vampires and so I could have friends among them, but it seems as though I've worn out my welcome.
No one seems to want me anymore.
And so I left, and I did not do so quietly.
-scoffs-
It's not as if it will take much for the glass doors leading to the terrace to be replaced.
-touches cheek where a cut from the glass had been only moments before-
And Lestat was standing right there. With Bella.
It seems as though he is willing to help everyone else with whatever they need, especially if they are having relationship problems, while he lets his own fall apart and rot around him.
I thought for sure he wold follow, but oh how mistaken I was.
-clenches fist as his forehead creases, casting deep caves of shadow along the lines, tears forming in his eyes-
And what I said to Adam before I left...
Adam doesn't deserve to be treated like that. He just doesn't.
I lost my temper.
I brought up Brad.
He told me to go fuck myself and I felt the anger dripping from his very mind.
He gets that anger from me, and if I know anything about our blood, he won't let it go lightly, if at all.
Yes, he hates me now, and will probably never forgive me.
When I left, I fully intended on going back at some point, now I am uncertain if I ever will.
-plays with a fire ball in his palm, a tear escaping his eye and running down his cheek slowly-
Perhaps everyone will be happier with me gone.
Perhaps they can protect themselves, protect each other without my help.
Hell, maybe they'll even make friends with that human girl. Maybe she won't jeopardize everything for which I worked so hard to create, to keep secret.
-looks down at engagement ring-
-slips it down his finger to the tip, about to take it off-
And maybe Lestat will find Louis and rekindle that friendship, that love, that family.
Maybe he will be happy without me.
-sighs and lays back on the dusty couch, shutting his eyes and mind to the world-
Adam flirting with other people, seeming to somewhat forget about Kris.
A human girl coming upon The Coven's front door by chance, not to mention while Mina was in child birth.
Marius off in search of some long lost lover, leaving Armand to fend for himself.
Zero cheating on Vlad with Angelus.
Daniel joining The Coven and playing it up with many of our members.
Claudia returning, rekindling Lestat's love for her as well as Louis.
No, it was all too much for me.
I understood it all, but sometimes understanding leads to more pain than being in the dark.
You know what they say, ignorance is bliss, and I believe in this case, they would be right.
In all my years I have loved but two vampires.
The first, my beautiful and angelic, Angela. My childe.
The second, Lestat. Sexy, kinky, rock star lover, Lestat.
And I know full well that true love never dies, which is why I say I understand.
Oh yes, I understand all too well for my liking.
I can see how things would be different for my fellow Coven members as many of their past loves are still alive, still out there in this wretched world, living, feeding.
I can understand how at times, Marius' or Lestat's heart should yearn for a past love of theirs, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I want Lestat to be mine, to think of only me. Is that selfish of me? Perhaps, but the want remains the same.
I flew all the way back to where Angela is buried to tell her that I was moving on from her, and one may think that an act as such would be easier because she is dead, but her death did not simply remove my feelings for her.
I let her go fully so that my entire heart could belong to Lestat.
I suppose Lestat cannot offer me the same.
Each day spent with him and The Coven seem to grow longer as things become more tense.
I doubt he knows it, but I can sense his yearning for Louis. I can feel the tug on his heart, and sometimes I catch him staring at his engagement ring as if it is some sort of anchor, something that's holding him down - holding him back.
I don't like that. Not at all, but what can I do?
There is nothing.
Obviously one could see where that would be frustrating for me.
Or perhaps they cannot. Perhaps I am just the hostile vampire of this Coven; the vampire who loses his temper too often, who says the wrong thing every time he opens his mouth, who thinks he is on a pedestal and needs to get off his high horse.
Yes, that is what I've become. I am now just a nuisance to the rest of The Coven.
I sense it every time I enter the room.
I see it when the muscles of those around me tense up when I walk past.
Simply another thing that has me frustrated these days.
I created this place to be a home for vampires and so I could have friends among them, but it seems as though I've worn out my welcome.
No one seems to want me anymore.
And so I left, and I did not do so quietly.
-scoffs-
It's not as if it will take much for the glass doors leading to the terrace to be replaced.
-touches cheek where a cut from the glass had been only moments before-
And Lestat was standing right there. With Bella.
It seems as though he is willing to help everyone else with whatever they need, especially if they are having relationship problems, while he lets his own fall apart and rot around him.
I thought for sure he wold follow, but oh how mistaken I was.
-clenches fist as his forehead creases, casting deep caves of shadow along the lines, tears forming in his eyes-
And what I said to Adam before I left...
Adam doesn't deserve to be treated like that. He just doesn't.
I lost my temper.
I brought up Brad.
He told me to go fuck myself and I felt the anger dripping from his very mind.
He gets that anger from me, and if I know anything about our blood, he won't let it go lightly, if at all.
Yes, he hates me now, and will probably never forgive me.
When I left, I fully intended on going back at some point, now I am uncertain if I ever will.
-plays with a fire ball in his palm, a tear escaping his eye and running down his cheek slowly-
Perhaps everyone will be happier with me gone.
Perhaps they can protect themselves, protect each other without my help.
Hell, maybe they'll even make friends with that human girl. Maybe she won't jeopardize everything for which I worked so hard to create, to keep secret.
-looks down at engagement ring-
-slips it down his finger to the tip, about to take it off-
And maybe Lestat will find Louis and rekindle that friendship, that love, that family.
Maybe he will be happy without me.
-sighs and lays back on the dusty couch, shutting his eyes and mind to the world-