Dear August

There are debates that are in revolving doors.

I checked over the car to make sure my dad hadn't left any cigarettes or anything laying around. When I shoved the last forbidden item into the glove box I hung my parking pass on my rearview mirror and tore myself out of the car. I didn't bother to lock it, nothing had ever happened to it anyways.

I walked into the school. My locker was by the wrestling room. It was just my luck to end up in the smelliest, most jerk infested hallway of the entire school…As I unloaded my back-pack that was budging at the seams with 2-inch binders I had the sad realization that my summer had slipped through my fingers again.

I worked, I watched TV marathons, and avoided the outdoors like the plague, but mostly I watched a lot of TV. I would have hung out with William more, but he was either with his girlfriend or with Pete…which I apparently led him to become friends with Brendon. Will and I hung out once or twice, just nothing like we had the summer before. Once was the day after Brendon came over and we celebrated my birthday. He got some really nice weed for me.

Listening to the metallic sound of my locker door slamming I clicked the lock and looked up and down the hallway. I was early. I liked getting there early. There was no one in the parking lot, I could study, I could use the student council room, and I could talk to Brendon for more than 30 seconds on the mornings when he wasn't running late.

Sighing, I slid the pile of books on top of my locker and cradled them in my arms. The hallway was still dead, except a single boy quite a ways down the line of lockers. He was sluggishly setting up his locker. I checked the schedule I shoved in my pocket and started walking down the hallway. I passed him, but didn't bother to look. I assumed it was another overly-excited freshman.

"Ryan?"

"Wha-" I turned to see an old friend standing up, "Spencer!" I grinned.

Spencer Smith and I used to be neighbors, but then he moved back with his mom in Vegas. I visited him once, but then we kind of lost touch. We were never on bad terms though, I just lost his number and I changed mine…and it was refreshing to see him again.

"What are you doing back?" I asked adjusting the sharp corner of the empty binder out of my side.

"You remember that strippers lawn we accidentally lit that chemical fire on?"

"Yeah?" I nearly burst out laughing at the memory, "She tried to put it out with water!"

"Yeah, that one!" He burst out in a small fit of laughter and it was a little funny to watch. Spencer grabbed his stomach and with the other hand wiped at his eyes, "Mom finally figured out she was a stripper."

"Ou…" I snorted.

He nodded, his smile covered his entire face, then he bent back down finish unpacking, "It's good to see you man."

"You too," The conversation was slowing down almost to the point of cueing me to start walking again, "Hey, what classes do you have?"

"Here," He flied through a stack of papers and handed me his schedule that was already bent, smudged, and torn.

"We have ACT math prep together." I scanned over first quarter, then held it out.

"Cool." He tugged down his shirt and took the paper from me, "I have to hit up the office quick. I'll see you then."

"Ok." I gave a small wave we headed down opposite ends of the hallway.

The day went by slowly as I went to each class and scouted out to see if I had any friends in them. So far everything was ok, I didn't have Will in any of my classes so far, but I had enough acquaintances. Math prep was turned out to be the easiest class I had. Spencer and I signed up to be partners for the class. Gym class was a totally different story.

Brendon was in my class. At first I thought that'd be a great thing, until I saw him undressing and my brain started working again. I stuck to my staked out little corner to avoid a boner catastrophe. The whole class I waited for him to talk to me. He never did, still I didn't want to go to him. I didn't know if he was still mad at me and the only questions I could think of were about the baby thing. I didn't want to talk about that though seeing as how it often ended unbelievably horrible. So, the entire block I nonchalantly watched him in class.

He looked better, not by much though. I also felt like he was avoiding me a little. Whenever I sat down on the same end of the bleachers he'd all of a sudden find a Frisbee or ball to toss around. Gym class, needless to say, was going to be the class I scheduled all my appointments during. It was every year.

The rest of my day went by fairly smoothly. That or I was too distracted to notice all the shitty things that usually took place in my day. At the end of the day I caught up with Will on the way out.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he kept walking past the exits.

"I'm giving Pete and Brendon a ride home."

"Why?" I was confused.

"Pete totaled his car and Brendon could have a seizure."

William gave the slightest of cringes, grabbed at his backpack straps, and stopped next to the wall. I stopped too and waited for an answer. And well, maybe to catch a glimpse of Brendon again. I missed him a lot.

"Seizure?"

"Yeah," He tucked his hair behind his ear, "They aren't sure of the side-effects."

William gave a sheepish and empathetic smile. I wondered what else the abortion might have done to him. I felt that knot in my stomach tightened from guilt. A group of girls passed by and flirtatiously waved at Will, who paused and chuckled.

"Oh. Better safe than sorry." That phrase was ironic…

He brought his attention back to me and gave an odd half nod-head-shake. As his best-friend I should have known he was keeping something from me. It was his tell, but I just thought he was trying not to upset me and was being overly-nervous because he didn't know how sensitive the subject was still. Another group came around the corner, only one person stopped. It was Pete, who I finally noticed had a heavily graffitied cast around his arm. His nose twitched a little once he saw me and then he acted as if I wasn't there. This went on for a few seconds and then William broke the tension.

"I'll get the car. Come on," Will motioned me, even if I was already following. I'm pretty sure Pete growled at me as I walked away too. I stacked that up to me being paranoid.

"Whatever Pete says, you know I'm not a jerk," I half ask, half stated, "Brendon just takes everything the wrong way- lately." I added.

"I know you're not."

"Why doesn't Pete know that?"

"He's protective of Brendon."

"He's a douche that likes to get into other people's business." I openly stated my thoughts on the person in Will's ever growing friendship.

"Ryan," Will weakly warned, but he knew not to really scold me, "He's an opinionated guy. That's all… He can be a little overbearing. But that's only if he doesn't happen to agree with you. What he's heard about you hasn't been that great, so can't really blame him."

"But it's not true."

"I know. Ryan, if you were in the same situation with me you'd do the same thing."

"I feel like you're taking sides, like you're defending him." I mumbled lowly. William was supposed to be my best friend. He was supposed to defend me.

William shrugged and leaned on my car, while I opened the door, "I'm not dude," I shot an apprehensive glance and got in, "I'm not trying to, I swear."

"Fine…" I shut the door, turned on the car, and quickly rolled down the passenger side window.

"I'll see you tomorrow and we should hang out, not this weekend because I'm going on a college visit, but next weekend."

"I don't know. I'll ask."

Will tapped the frame of the window and stepped away. We both waved before he went to get his car. I drove home, where I was promptly called into work. The whole time I was there I couldn't stop thinking about what else Pete or Brendon might be saying about me. I also was still reeling that Brendon could have seizures…what else could happen? Those thoughts filled the empty spaces for the rest of the week.

Every time it comes back around it makes me a little more dizzy.