Dear August

I tried to forget that it was my birthday this year...

"Here kitty-kitty!" The new kid, Adam, taunted Butcher as they wrestled.

I had just gotten done retrieving everyone a soda. They were sitting in my basement waiting for Will to arrive with Brendon. My dad had taken the car for work so somebody else had to pick him up, we figured that it could be Will since he was already on that side of town visiting with his new girlfriend. I gave the relationship a week or two, where I proved right. Other than him and Brendon everyone had already arrived, along with a few extra guests. I didn't mind though, they all seemed genuinely nice and like they wanted to get to know me.

"Seriously, guys, give it up before Siska gets hurt." Jon warned the Butcher, not moving from his spot by the broken down drum set.

"Ow!!" He screamed, his curly Mohawk was struggling to get out of a headlock.

"Butcher! I can't send him back to Chicago broken."

The Butcher let go holding his hands up defensively. Seconds later Adam had jumped on him again. I walked over to Jon and stood behind Spencer, who was seated at the back of the base drum. I leaned against him and scratched my brow. We couldn't help, but laugh at the scene of little Adam flailing his arms trying to win.

We were clutching our sides from laughter the Butcher body-slammed him into the ground. All of us had gotten up to see if Adam was ok. We couldn't quite tell if he was laughing or crying on the floor. Luckily for us, more or less Jon, Adam was shaking in laughter. I heard my dogs barking upstairs and knew William had arrived.

He effortlessly glided down the stairs in his lazy and loose way. I watched waiting for Brendon to follow, but there was no one behind him. I almost sighed, but chuckled when the group of boys turned around to see who it was.

"Hey," Will smiled and jingled his car keys.

"Billiam!" Several shouted.

"Where's Brendon?" I finally croaked.

"I thought we could all go to pick him up?" Will smirked at me. I felt a wave of butterflies in my stomach. I was waiting for him to walk in, I was too nervous to go and pick him up.

"Let's go!" Jon pushed me forward, little did I know he saw Brendon everyday in his classes.

"Ha-zah!" Adam shouted clueless on the floor. The Butcher lent out a hand and helped him up.

"Roll out Holmes!" Spencer instructed William.

"Why didn't you just pick him up?" I asked at Will's side as we walked up the stairs. No one noticed since they were busy being loud.

"My dad just filled the car up with gas." He snickered and I rolled my eyes. He liked doing stupid little things like that to his parents, just because he could. Although I'd never seen him truly disobey his parents, except the night August was born.

"Shot gun!" Spencer shouted from the back of the group, suddenly there was a herd of boys running to the car. William and I pressed ourselves against the wall so we wouldn't be trampled.

The car was locked so the group stood there struggling at the front car door. Adam being fast, but not strong, had weaseled his way to the front. When the doors clicked he flung the door open and made it in. He was shoved over to the middle by the Butcher and Spencer and Jon held their heads while they went to the back seat. I sat by Jon. The radio was low and the car was filled with chatter as we made our way to Brendon's.

He came out stomping on a shoe and holding his jacket in his mouth. After hours to get ready he was still running late. It was just another trait of Brendon that made me smile. He glanced around the car trying to figure out where he would fit. He decided on the back seat and the door opened with a hollow sound.

"So, did everyone need to come and pick me up?" His smiled was wide and goofy.

"Yeah!" Everyone, including myself, shouted.

We made sure that the car was as safe as I could be with one extra person in it and went back to my place. Will and Spencer took over the role of wrestling and were intensely finger fencing. Brendon sauntered over to the giant sectional in by the TV and the Butcher was glued to his phone. Jon and Adam were chattering and they all seemed to be off in their own thing. I went by Brendon to the quiet part of the basement and sat on the opposite side of the sectional. My heart was pounding.

"You look comfy." I said after I interested the DVD that Brendon had left sitting on the coffee table and sat down. Previews started immediately leaving a small murmur of bass in the room.

"Oh, indeed," Brendon nodded and bit his lip momentarily, "I fucking love this couch."

"Really? It is probably the ugliest thing we have in this house and it has been here since I can remember."

"Eh, it still's comfy--" He started, but was interrupted. His attention turned to Butcher.

"Guys, Vicky-T is throwing a crazy house party. We have to go."

"I'm in!" At that point I thought it was odd that Will would be so readily going. Then a few weeks later I'd find out that he was interesting in Vicky. He learned quickly that he had no chance with her.

"Me too." Spencer beamed, Jon nodded his head in agreement, and Adam stuck with Jon.

"What about you Ryan and Brendon?" Butcher asked.

"No, I'm good. If my mom finds out I went to another party, I'll be dead."

I silently said no and was a little angry. I thought that we were having a good time. 99% of parties were stupid. I hardly went to any.

"Ok, dude, see you guys later."

"Thanks for ditching me again…"

"Ry-" Now that we were alone were we trying friends? I didn't want that. I needed to get back whatever we had…I had to be honest. I waited for a negative response, but kept reasoning with myself that the hormones had leveled out. Maybe it was the anger that was bringing out more rash behavior too.

"Look, Brendon… I'm sorry. I miss you and," I cut in. My voice caught in my throat, "I'm just so sorry…"

Brendon sat with his hands on his knees staring at me. I swallowed hard and felt my nose running. I didn't know what was happening anymore and I couldn't look at him. My eyes were foggy and I had to dry my eyes. I stood to get some Kleenex and he grabbed my hand.

"Ryan," He sighed out, his face looked softer and more round than normal. It made me melt a little. Brendon really was different.

I nuzzled into him sensing the light grip of his hand on my wrist meant that is was ok for more contact. I slid my hands around his waist. He was tense for the first few seconds and then he wrapped his arms around me too. I was finally calming down, only the tears that were originally there were finally falling. Brendon made small circles in my back and I sniffled.

"I'm snotting all over you." I muttered into his chest and held a hand under my nose as I pulled away.

I retrieved some tissue from the bathroom and came back to see Brendon with his head between his legs. I cocked and eyebrow and cleared my throat.

"Brendon do you want water or something?"

"Um, could I have a soda?" He sat up and turned to face me.

"Sure…" I examined him, "We have Coke and Sprite."

"Sprite please, oh and you still have to show me that one band."

"I knew we wouldn't end up watching the movie," I said quietly and lightly.

It made me feel a little better to know that Brendon had remember the band I was talking about. I bought myself the CD for my birthday, otherwise that holiday wasn't celebrated. I came back and Brendon was staring at the ceiling. I handed him his drink and turned on the music.

"I like this Ry." He fidgeted with the case.

"It's Name Taken. I hear they're doing something with Bayside." I sat back, shut my eyes, and tapped my foot. I felt every tendon in my knee as I did so.

"Sounds pretty awesome." I heard him pause, but suck in air like he was about to deliver a speech. I opened my eyes and stared at Brendon. I hadn't seen him face that closely in a while, there were so many details that I missed seeing everyday. There wasn't a thing on his face that was new to me, but there wasn't a piece of him that I didn't want. "Ryan, I missed you too."

"Without you I'm so lonely…" My heart swelled a little and I clasped my hands around my bent knees. Brendon had a small, forgiving smirk on his face.

We didn't talk much. It was nice to have his company without the room feeling dark and heavy. I liked that Brendon much better. This lasted until my dad got home from work and I had to drive him home. I still wasn't sure where my boundaries were, so I didn't kiss him. The anger and desperation had worn off just enough to make me think before I acted.

But this could make up for it