Dear August

If we would have been face to face he would have seen me smiling like a fool and blushing like a rose.

Just when I thought that I was going to quit work I finally got hours. I worked everyday until close. Nothing too eventful happened at work, just the usual broken hangers, lippy costumers, and a stupid shop lifter or two.

I hadn’t really had a chance to see anyone outside of school, not even William. I was beginning to really miss people, but it was a Wednesday so I couldn’t go out with anyone. Plus I was swimming in papers and reports that I’d been putting off until the last minute. I wanted to talk to someone...I wanted to talk to Brendon. He was the person I missed the most. I’d been missing him for ages it seemed. It was frustrating, almost like trying to search for a light switch in a dark and unfamiliar room. Today that’s how my room was feeling: dark and claustrophobic.

Setting aside the homework I should have been catching up on, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I didn’t really want to text him...I wanted to hear him.

“Hello?” I heard music being turned down as Kayla answered. Her voice had developed a permanently annoyed tone to it.

“Hi, is Brendon there?” I paced around my room.

She sighed. How ever 0could I make her go and get someone? “Yeah, hold on...”

There was rustling, some muffled knocks, and then a quick exchange between Bren and Kay.

“Hello?” Brendon’s tone was more excited and curious, which made me smile.

“Hey Bear,” I greeted and paused hoping he was in a good mood.

“Ry! You’re calling?” He sounded suspicious suddenly.

“Yeah...well, I just...I haven’t had a chance to catch up with you in a while.”

“Yeah, really.” Again I could hear music being turned down in the background. It wasn’t pop music, it sounded more like Nirvana. I caught the end of a soft chuckle. “So what’s up?”

“Not too much. I’ve been working. What’s new with you?” I plopped down on my bed with my head at the foot of my bed.

“Heh, not too much is going on over here either.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“I guess-- Hold on.”

“Uh-huh.” I heard Brendon put the phone to his chest and another person in the background.

“I’m taking Kayla and Ben to youth group.” It was his mother.

“Ok.”

“I’m going to pick up a few things from the store, do you want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.” He was starting to sound like Kayla.

“Alright. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

“Sounds good!” I heard the door close and Brendon take a deep breath in, “Ryan? Are you still there?”

“Where would I go?” I laughed.

“I don’t know, to the bathroom or something?! I dunno!” He tried to hold back a laugh as well.

I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling while running a hand through my hair.

“Kayla sounded pretty mad when she answered the phone....” I said flatly.

“She’s been...bitchy lately. I’m just glad she doesn’t go to our school yet.”

“Remember when the high school was 7-12?” I pondered out loud.

“I do. The new one they built wasn’t much of an improvement.”

“We sat by each other on the first day.”

“I don’t know how I used to be so popular! I was such a nerd!”

“It was because you played drums...and you still are a nerd.” I teased and he huffed on the other end. I shut my eyes tightly and opened them when I started seeing spots, “It was pizza day.”

“Ah,” he giggled, “Those days were the best! I always got doubles.”

“I know,” I smiled to myself, “William said I could sit with him at lunch. I remember you were across from me at the table.”

“Yeah, I remember that...I almost sat somewhere else.”

“I- I’m glad you didn’t...”

“Me too. That was also the year I got my braces off.”

“I remember that.”

“Did you want to kiss me and my brace face?” He made kissey noises in the phone.

“Maybe I did.” Brendon stopped the noises and cleared his throat. Brendon made quite the impression the first time I met him. I remember trying not to stare at him. His pillow lips were always fighting to get over his braces, especially when he smiled. “It took you another year before you replaced those glasses.”

“Oh God! The glasses and the braces? And that haircut I had? Oh and you saw that head gear I had to wear at night! It was horrible! Why were you friends with me? How could you like that either?! That is not sexy. I’m sure that image had to be seared into your mind whenever you thought about me...gah!”

“Well now that you mention it...do you still have it? Maybe you could wear it next time we see each other.”

He was talking a thousand miles per hour and by the end we were giggling. I had rolled back over and slide down to the floor on the side of my bed. I bent my knees up and

He had very valid points, but not about himself. I wondered that about myself everyday. I wondered at that point how Brendon put up with me and how I it all worked out the way it did. I wondered how could it be possible to like a boy and have him like you back? I wondered could it really be that easy? Little did I know it couldn’t be.

“You’ve grown out of it...I’m still gawky and socially awkward.”

I suddenly felt embarrassed as I thought of the last time we hung out. Who did that? I was trying so hard to make everything better that I was making it worse.

“Ry,” Brendon became very serious. “I’m sorry about the other day.”

“No,” My voice cracked and felt my palms become sweaty, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...”

“No. I meant it when I said it back. I did.”

With that the lights in my room no longer were dim, the carpet was too green, and I found that light switch. Brendon was being Brendon. We hadn’t laughed and joked like this in a while. For the first time in a while everything felt like it was at least going to be ok.

But I wouldn’t mind seeing you tongued tied...