Dear August

The waiting room slowly filled up and along with the people came more questions and stares from the staff. They watched as nurses walked by and when someone dressed in a white coat they'd raise their heads. I tried dozing off to pass time, but it only made me feel nauseous. So instead, I settled on getting a seven-up from the vending machine and reading a two year-old People magazine.

Pete held his head down and tugged at his hair while William paced slowly placing arms crossed and taking gulps every now and then. Kayla was reading a book and Ben had taken out his iPod, meanwhile Kira had walked away from the room and to another area of the hospital.

The hours ticked by before any other movement happened. Dr. Beckett came in like he owned the place and acted like he was disgraced that William had showed up.

"Bill your mother is worried sick." He said in what was supposed to sound upset but just was arrogant.

"I told her where I was going." Will stood up and pulled down his shirt tiredly, "Besides…" A sudden annoyance over took his voice and father and son locked eyes, "Maybe she's worried about Brendon. Seeing how she actually cares about him." It was surprising to hear Will so venomous.

"Don't speak to me that way!"

Dr. Beckett walked away and surprisingly William followed in stealth like motions. The fight had gone around the corner, but everyone could still see what was happening. Murmurs from the TV seemed to die out as the group's ears focused on the dispute.

"Face it. You knew you couldn't do anything for him!"

"Untrue. I want nothing but to discover good science."

"Science? He's a person! A dying person!"

With that a sour sound, a slap echoed in the room. A small whimper from shock escaped from William. He came back to the area trying to disguise his lip and paid no attention to our stares.

William became situated again and the tension in the room eased to a bearable amount. My stomach churned again and I realized William probably had a good idea of what was going on. Brendon was going to die. I didn't want to think about it: it was unfair. Sighing to myself I wondered if the others in the room had truly heard what Will had said. There was still hope pushing away the negative and I still wasn't going to cry- not yet.

More time passed, Kayla, Ben and Pete fell asleep. Although, soon after the three fell asleep Dr. Hancock drowsily entered the room placing a hand on Mrs. Urie's shoulder and then mumbled a few words to Brendon's parents. They nodded and woke Kay and Ben. His family then went to the birthing suite, they marched in like a small army. I wanted to be a part of it, but that was wrong and unfair of me to want to be family. I couldn't even be a good friend. Pete, the good friend, had already woken up and was more alert then anyone in their right mind should have been with that little of energy.

There I sat waiting and watching as Pete called Spencer and William called Jon. Rubbing my temple Kira came out of the room Brendon was in and spoke gently to me.

"The baby's healthy."

"Is it a boy or girl?" I glanced sideways at the striking woman next to me that resembled Brendon.

"Little girl." I knew she'd be perfect and couldn't stop smiling, "The doctor said you could come in if he woke up and wanted to see anyone. Until then he thinks it would be better if everyone gave him his space."

"Ok." I twiddled my fingers together and watched the floor intently between my feet.

"He should be coming around by the looks of it." She reassured then stood and exited just as tiredly as Dr. Hancock did.

"Is he alright?" Pete spoke up and then had to clear his throat of the phlegm that builds after sleeping in an awkward position.

I gave a weak nod.

"You're a dad." William meant to say excitedly but, it came out like a fact in an encyclopedia.

My smile grew a little.

"Is the baby good too?" Pete added a little less anxious sounding.

"She's doing well, I guess."

William sat silently taking it all in. We both knew and only Will would know that I knew. Only a best-friend like him would be able to read me that well. We were hiding it like our life savings were in a poker game from Pete. For forty-five minutes and twenty-nine seconds more all of us waited. Once Brendon woke up Kira, Kayla and Ben visited and were shooed, so they could get ready for school. Then taking turns all of us went to see Brendon. Jon and Spencer were quick. Next was Pete which took a while, but I couldn't complain. William said he couldn't handle seeing Brendon, so he sent me in.

Upon entering the more friendly room he was saddened by the disarray Brendon was in. I wished of comfort him like I did in his room. I might have over done it, but I flung myself onto his side. Even ignoring the fact his parents were in the room.

"Oh Jesus." I smothered kisses on Brendon's cheeks.

Brendon shut his eyes and took it all in. With a few more kisses a nurse came in and pointed out that we could hold our new baby girl. So, with a squirt of strong hand sanitizer for Brendon and a good thorough hand washing for me the baby was undone from the incubator.

"Hey baby," I rocked the pink bundle back and fourth. I noticed the look on Bren's face and it dawned on me he needed some explaining, "It's a girl Brendon. Can we name her?"

"James is coming down as soon as he can." His dad piped up and watched over us, "They said you could name her if you had any picked out. I don't think you do though."

"You're right," Brendon shifted like his legs were heavy metal, and then weakly whispered at me, "Ryan…I peed on myself!"

"Well," I laughed back, each chuckled brought the pin-sized hope up a fifth of a centimeter. I was at least glad some of the old, random Brendon was back, "it was more like your water breaking."

"She's beautiful." He changed the subject and concentrated at the baby girl he just had, "She looks like you Ry," Brendon scanned the dark haired child and reminisced the day, "I like August."

"It is the middle of December, honey." Mrs. Urie didn't connect the dots and her husband shook his head then lead her out of the room. Brendon handed the sleeping August back to me, mentioning his arms were becoming tired.

"August is good. You look spent." I sat with the baby and a leg crossed over the other.

"We still have the middle name to pick. Besides, I'm just cold." Brendon complained.

"We'll pick it out when you wake up." I stood and with one arm brought another cover over his legs.

"We have to do it now Ryro." He debated and was sounding more desperate then ever.

"Sure?" I looked up without moving his head and he nodded instead of saying anything back, "Ok…"

The nurse was rung in and the incubator was set up again. I checked my wallet and went to the gift shop in search of a name book. At first I thought I had found one in luck then noticed the whole shelf for name books, which I thought was a little weird. Shouldn't names usually be picked out already? Did they really need that big a variety of books?

"Ryan?" Brendon asked after setting down the book.

"What Brendon?" I asked back while I pulled the chair closer to his bed.

"When do I get to go home? I feel fine really!" Brendon declared seeing the face I was making.

I didn't make eye contact and stuck out my bottom lip. I almost opened his mouth to say something, then realized I actually had nothing. Nothing was stuck in my head or throat. So, after getting seated again I started playing with Brendon's fingers trying to take in all the little details, while I read names out loud.

"Does your dad know?"

"No, not yet."

"Oh…"

"It's fine though. I don't care what he says or even my mom at this point." I stroked Brendon's hair and thought about how many voice mails I'd have on my phone from my dad when I turned it on.

"I love you." Brendon whispered shutting his eyes.

"I love you too."

The Urie parents came back in with cups of coffee and Mrs. Urie looked freshly showered. And almost like she was on the road to relief, but then she saw her sleeping son. Mr. Urie took a seat next to me. Some small talk took place, only for a little while though. As the minutes ticked by nurses were constantly walking in and out replacing the blood bag and IV.

At 7:09 a buzzer on one of the machines monitoring Brendon beeped rapidly. Without calling for one, a nurse and Dr. Hancock came, only they didn't do much. No one did.

I couldn't move anyways. Only a track of tears came down my face, which couldn't really be considered crying, while I watched as no one tried to help. I was warmed along with his parents that if his body started rejecting anything there would be no hope. Only extreme measures were available, and those measures to save him would be pointless or lead to mental retardation. Either way it burned to watch the flat-line.

August remained sleeping during all of this, which I found amazing. I was still sitting on the edge of the couch and placed my hands over my mouth to keep from shouting. After several minutes Dr. H checked his pulse and hung his head low.