Dear August

I wish Disney made stories with two prince charmings...

I was sitting on my bed, my AP English book in my hands was slipping as my eyelids drooped. Summer reading didn't bother me, but it was a boring part with too long of descriptions…Maybe I was loosing interest because of that and maybe partly because I was busy thinking about a boy. I know pathetic, but still.

Ok, let me explain. I know I'm gay, I've known for a while. Since puberty started to be exact, having your first wet dream about your male teacher isn't exactly normal. Otherwise before that it was just a sneaking suspicion. So, I know I'm gay. I'm just still a little freaked out by the idea. I tried the whole girlfriend thing to make sure, but it didn't work. At all. I know I'm gay and I know with that comes consequences. Like having the shit beat out of you every once and a while. That's what freaks me out about it.

But, this boy…sometimes I forget about all of that: all of the stares and whispers I get. He doesn't really care. I tell him things all the time and I feel safe with him. He brings out the good in me. Usually I act like a dumb-ass in social situations. Since I've started being friends with him my friend count has gone from 2 close ones to 2 best friends, 3 friends, and 1 crush.

My phone started buzzing on my nightstand and I reached over blindly to grab it. Letting the book slid off my face I looked at the screen to see who it was.

Bren

He was calling? This must be urgent. I give him tons of credit, but he was still a boy… and he normally only texted.

"Hey," I propped myself up on my elbows.

"God, she tried shoving her tongue down my throat….I think I'm missing a tonsil and then she started beating the shit out of my crotch! Gah it was horrendous!"

"Hold on, what?"

He sighed on the other end, "I was hanging out with Audrey and she got the wrong impression. I don't even know what happened-"

"Well where are you now?"

"I'm in the car driving."

"Do you want to come over?" I asked hoping Brendon wouldn't be so loud and rambunctious this time when he came over that it'd wake my dad up.

"Yeah. That'd be good. I'll see you soon."

"O-ok."

"Bye Ryro."

"Bye Bear."

Bolting up I made my bed, tidied the house and changed. Well, I actually changed my clothes a few times, but anyways. I opened the shades on my window to watch for him out the window and noticed the thick clouds in the sky. A rumble of thunder sent the dogs on a barking spree in circles around the house.

The door bell rang breaking the dogs' formation. They gathered around the door and sniffed Brendon's feet as he stepped in.

"I think it's gonna rain. It was sprinkling when I walked up." He shut the door behind him and smiled at me.

"Oh," On cue the rain started pounding on the roof, "You got here just in time."

We both laughed a little and then went upstairs to my room. Brendon hopped on my bed belly down, his lower back exposed, and his boxer sticking out about an inch. I'd become a pro at blocking out and saving the dirty thoughts in my head for later. Sometimes when he was sprawled out on my bed like this the thoughts weren't even dirty. Sometimes I just pictured waking up next to him. I crossed my arms and sat down in the middle of his back. He grunted and shoved me off, then made room for me to sit.

"So what happened now?" I asked and he covered his head with a pillow before turning over.

"I was hanging out with Audrey," He paused and I nodded, "And she just kind of started mauling me."

"Wow, I didn't picture her as that type of girl."

"I know, right. I think I might need to brush my teeth or something."

I shook with laughter and hit his back, "Don't be mean."

"You still think it's funny."

Nodding in agreement the room fell silent. I crossed one leg over the other and watched my foot tap. Brendon sat up and faced me. He seemed rather serious.

"Ry, how did you know?" I was waiting for this question from him for a while. We touched base on it, kind of in theory once…

"Know…that I'm gay?"

"Yeah." Brendon grabbed at his elbow and looked at me innocently, "I've always been curious."

"Well," I couldn't tell him about the teacher. No way. "The first year I moved here I got a girlfriend."

"I remember that. Jac, wasn't it? Didn't she move after you two broke up?"

"Mmm, well, yeah. Whenever I kissed her, it was like kissing my sister. I asked Will what was supposed to happen-- like what you were supposed to feel." Brendon chuckled, "He said it was the best taste and it made him go nuts. It made his heart jolt…he said he always got a little hard whenever he kissed his girlfriend. Even a peck."

"Oh my God." Brendon rubbed his forehead.

"Don't tell him that I told you that."

"I wouldn't. I'm just a little," He stopped, "Grossed out and I don't know… have you ever had that feeling? With another boy?"

"Yeah, of course."

"You've been with other boys?" He asked again, pressing for more details.

"I had a relationship for a few months. It was pretty innocent and the other one was just a fling."

"So you- you know?" His face was nervous and disappointed.

"Yeah," I blushed, having a this conversation with him was nerve racking and weirdly arousing. He was so intrigued and this was so intimate. "Bren, have- have you ever done anything?"

He played with his hair and scratched his eyebrow. For a second I thought I had over stepped my boundary, but that soon turned into dread. I didn't want to hear it if he had. I wanted some hope at night when I went to bed and dreamed about him. All of these thoughts were floating in my head until he smiled at me.

Brendon laughed from his gut when he got done doing his embarrassed fidgeting, "Other than kissing: no. I've been a good little Mormon boy. Today was my first experience."

"I wouldn't bother to count that if you didn't cum. Or even like it."

"True dat." He muttered.

Again the room was silent, only the beads of rain on the roof filled the air around us. Brendon's breathing soon became apparent causing my ears to ring. The bed sank and the fabric of his jeans whispered against my comforter as he scooted closer to me.

"Ryan," His voice was shaky and he stared at me, "I think I like you."

My brain was mush. "Auh," My mouth was slack. Brendon's face fell again and I wanted to smack myself on the head. He really did mean that way. It wasn't my imagination, "Likewise." My voice was loud to me, but small in the room.

Our faces were really close and Brendon's eyes seemed glazed and locked onto me, "I'm…going to…kiss you."

He took in a staggered breath and kissed me. It was small at first and then it turned into something bigger. Was this really happening? No, no it wasn't. Brendon pulled away from me and brought his hands back to his sides.

"Ryan I want to," He bit his lip, "I want to have sex with you."

I had to check again to make sure it wasn't my imagination, "I don't have anything."

"I don't have any STD's. Do you?"

"No."

"We should be fine. Right?"

He kissed my cheek, laid down in the middle of my bed, and waited for me. I exhaled and rested on top of him. It progressed naturally, like we'd done this thousands of times before. When we were completely stripped of everything we had he nodded. It was the first time on top, but Brendon didn't have any experience at all. So, it was best that way. There were only a few awkward and painful moments, but it was the easiest I'd ever felt with anyone.

Shaking I sank into the bed and nodded off for 5 minutes listening to the rain. Brendon's phone started playing the Ghost Buster's theme in his jean pocket on the floor. He slung an arm down and answered.

"Hey dad," He greeted, "Audrey and I are watching a movie…ok…yeah…" He sighed, "I'll be home soon."

I pushed my bangs out of my face and rolled on my side to face him. I cleared my throat, "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Brendon whispered to me, "My parents want me home because of the weather. That's all."

I kissed his cheek and we both started getting dressed again. He left running to his car to avoid being soaked. I knew sleeping with Brendon that day would come back to me somehow, although I was expecting it to be more of a heart-break. I though that he'd ignore what had happened and never speak of it again. I thought I'd be forever in love with him, but forever second like in a romantic-comedy.

But this. This was a whole new sort of karma I'd never think I'd have to deal with.

No one could be as charming and wonderful as him.