Dear August

I wish Brendon never ever got sick...

It was dead in the store and it was almost closing time. Hayley was off folding T-shirts and singing to the CD mix the store played everyday and I was returning rejected garments. I used to like my job. The hours were good, the pay was decent, and it didn't involve me flipping any burgers. With the summer they cut down hours, so I only worked one or two days a week. I needed the money. It wasn't like I was well off like William…

"I kissed a girl and I liked it!" Hayley screamed out and I jumped then laughed, "Do you like my scream-o version?" Her red hair bobbed as she skipped over to me.

"I do. It's lovely, I think it's better than Gabe's." She belted out more and danced around shaking her head, "Did you forget your Ritalin today?" Hayley was one of the co-workers I adored and was always glad to be working with. She wasn't bitchy like some of the other ones.

"No!" She hit my shoulder and we smiled.

My phone started vibrating and I pulled it out. I nearly dropped it when I saw that it was from Brendon and hastily texted back. He said he wasn't feeling well. He told me that he had started getting sick at 4:00 in the morning. But he said he was feeling better, so I could come over and see him after work. The things I could have never pieced together...

"Someone looks like they forgot theirs." Hayley danced back over to the T-shirts, "And jeez, you're a little phone whore."

"Shut up…" I muttered to her smirking.

We closed and before going to Brendon's I picked up a little care package. I rode the bus and then walked the last few blocks. The street-lights were starting to glow under the setting-sun as I made my up their driveway. Lights were on all over the house and it seemed happily full.

I went through the garage and saw Ben doing dishes in the kitchen. He looked less than thrilled, but gave a small sudsy wave. Then I went upstairs not running into any of the other Uries. Brendon was in front of the mirror holding a camera.

"Hey," I said stepping in and placing the care package on the bed.

"I didn't hear you," He sounded startled and was red.

"What are you photographing?" I stood next to him.

"I was trying to take a new profile picture," He rocked on his feet, "But none of them are very good."

"Sure they are. Can I see? Maybe I can help or something?"

"Thanks, but I'm good. It wasn't that important…I was trying pass time before you got here." I was grinning from ear to ear and he pulled me close, "Here," He held the camera out in front of us and snapped one.

He took a few more and on the last one planted a kiss on my cheek. It was short and when he faced me again his face was sour.

"You smell like a baby prostitute." He quoted, but was still serious.

"Oh?" I couldn't really smell myself, "Oh! Some girl at work spilled the jar of little perfume sample thingys and I had to pick them up."

"I see…" He wandered over to his bed, "What's this?" He dug through the bag excitedly and held up the movies, CDs, and saltine crackers.

"A little care package I picked up." I sat down on the opposite corner of the bed.

"Aw, thanks Ry," He bit into the plastic on a DVD and spit it on the ground, excitedly opening it, "I'm not sick anymore, it was just a bug."

"It's always good to be perpared."

"Thank you!"

Brendon put the DVD down and placed his hands on his hips, observing the items in front of him. In the room next door a sad and sappy love song started blasting. Brendon rolled his eyes and went to shut his door.

"Is everything alright with Kay?"

"Apparently her boyfriend broke up with her today during marching band practice."

"She's not old enough for a boyfriend."

"I know, I told her that…" He began placing items back in the bag and then set it gently on the floor, "Apparently she's had more than one secret boyfriend." He turned towards me and started looking at my lips.

I wrapped my arms around him and inched closer to him, only stopping millimeters in front of his face. I stayed like this for a second before Brendon gave up.

"Stop being a tease…" Brendon complained.

"I think you're going to have to wait."

"Nah-uh!" He shouted pouncing on me and giggling profusely.

"Uncle!" I giggled out while he hovered over me.

I stopped when Brendon was about to kiss me. Our bottoms lips brushed, but Brendon quickly pulled away as the door handle jiggled open. Ben was on the other side, cringing at the music their sister was playing. I was holding my breath.

"What's up?" Brendon clapped his hands together as he stood between the foot of his bed and the door.

"I was wondering if you and Ryan wanted to play Rock Band with me?" Ben knitted his dark eyebrows together, "What were you guys doing?"

"Auh, nothing. Sound good Ry?" Brendon stared at me. I silently agreed and sat up, "Cool. Go and set everything up, we'll be down in a second."

My lungs were about to burst as I exhaled. My heart was still jolting, partly because of surprise and partly due to my previous activities. Brendon placed his hands on his hips again and shook his head.

"Sorry about that…" Brendon sighed, "Ryan I think I'm going to wait to tell anyone about us." This is what I was expecting. It was a little bit of a sucker punch, my face must have shown my disappointment: "Ryan, it's not like that. It's my parents. I don't know. I'm really scared to tell them."

"It's fine. I understand." I did understand and I wasn't the best example. My parents were in denial of my sexuality. Despite this reality my insecurities were still at their highest.

"I just need a little time. Trust me," Brendon's brown eyes gleamed with sincerity and I picked at the hem of my shirt. He flashed a smile as he tilted his head, "I think secret boyfriends are ridiculous."

I wish nothing was ever uncomfortable actually.