Dear August

I don't care when some people are mad at me...

"Take some sand dollars. I have tons of them."

Will was unpacking his suitcase on the floor. He had just gotten back from visiting his aunt in North Carolina. He and his mom went since his dad had to stay for work. I was kneeling next to his desk where he had all the souvenirs laid out.

"So, what's new with you kid?"

"Not much…" I thought about the last few weeks of my summer. Butterflies filled my stomach as I thought about the only news I had. William walked over to his hamper and had his back to me, "I think Brendon and I have a thing. I- I slept with him."

Will froze still facing the wall, "Has he told you anything?"

"Like what?" My happiness was dying… the muscle on my face were slowly relaxing and then turning to a frown.

"Has Brendon ever slept with anyone else?"

"No. He was a virgin. Why? Was I supposed to do something to him? Some V-card rule I don't know about?"

"There's something I gotta tell you."

"What?" Had Brendon mentioned something to him? Last I checked Brendon and Will weren't that great of friends. It sounded bad.

He finally turned around and brought the remaining laundry in his hands to his sides. William was looking rather skittish, "My dad called us in North Carolina, and he had this case that was so rare he just had to tell us…so I not supposed to tell anyone, since he wasn't supposed to tell us…but…Brendon's pregnant."

"Right. Very funny," I laughed, but William's face didn't change.

"No, Ry, I'm serious. It's like this rare hermaphrodite-ism."

"It could be anybody." I rolled a sand dollar between my unsteady fingers. It cracked in half and I let it fall to the floor.

"He let Brendon's name slip a few times," Will's gangly arms hung limply at his sides and I sat back on my feet sluggishly trying to pick up the broken pieces.

"But it could be another Bren--"

"I don't know of too many Brendons." He shrugged, "Maybe. It could be someone else. A Brennan or a Brandon. Maybe?"

"Probably…I'll call him later about it," I truly believed that Will hadn't heard the name right, "Brendon's going to think this is really funny."

"Yeah," William moved from his spot and discarded the rest of his laundry.

"Thanks though." I removed my tingling feet from under my butt and sat pretzel style.

"Uh-huh," He started folding a clean item and placed it on his dresser, "Seriously, take some of those!" He playfully scolded pointing to the bag of sea-shells I was holding.

I stayed until dinner time and then walked the block down to my house to fine my own grub. I wasn't all that hungry, although I never really was. When I walked up I saw Brendon pulling up, with a bit of speed might I add.

"Hey, Bren," I chuckled in surprise.

"Ryan, why weren't you picking up you're phone?" He asked upset, then followed me in.

"I was at Will's."

"You always have you're phone on you."

"I didn't bring my phone with me. I'm sorry. I didn't think I'd be there that long, Bear," He sighed and kept shifting his weight from foot to foot. I walked to the kitchen, "He told me the weirdest thing."

"I don't really care. I don't know how to break this to you…" He sat down at a stool by the breakfast bar. Brendon's bad mood wasn't changing no matter how hard I tried. He was going to break it off with me, I knew it.

"He said you were pregnant," I blurted without thinking to stop the line I dreaded hearing from him as I roamed the cabinets for nothing in particular. It was a last hope to get a positive rise out of him, "What a claim."

I unsurely smirked and waited for a reaction. Brendon crossed his arms as he slouched and his bottom lip was in a pout for a second. Then his jaw hung slack, his eyes squinted, and he was hyperventilating.

"Who told you--I mean who told him?" He sputtered.

He avoided me and was staring at he countertop, sniffling and seemingly livid. It was true? I walked over and stood across from him. I stared down at him. His face was cupped in his hands and his shoulders were shaking, but he wasn't crying. There was no way I could believe Will, but this was-- unbelievable in it's own way.

"Fuckin' aye Ryan? Who told him!?" He exclaimed with the help of his hands.

"His dad." I answered quickly and a little too loudly, but automatically lowered my tone fearing waking up my dad, even if he was already at work.

Brendon rubbed over his face and I let my eyes travel over the room. The lights were dim, everything was off kilter, and the walls were too tall. He sniffled and then crossed his arms again. Brendon turned his face away from me and shook his head. I felt bad. Everyone needed to calm down. This must have been nerve racking for him, it was for me.

He huffed into the air one more time and dashed to the front door, leaving me standing in the middle of the kitchen. This was going to bring trouble…for him, me-- for us, and now Dr. Beckett. On top of that, from that moment on my world was sent spinning. And trust me, it wasn't like that dizziness you get from twirling around in a circle, it was like when you run out of oxygen. It was scary and you couldn't stop it if you wanted to.

Others make me want to die inside.