I'm breaking all the rules

FACT: The majority of Americans own an Alarmclock
FACT: The majority of Americans who own an Alarmclock despise it

So the question is why do people own alarmclocks if we hate them so much? Simple, Americans like to set goals, such as a certain time to wake up. Honestly though we're just fooling ourselves. How many times do you hit snooze? How many times do you pick up your alarmclock and chuck it at something? Why am I bringing up Alarmclocks? Because this morning I broke my alarmclock, but not because it was going off. I awoke to banging on my door from an Alarmclock I can't break...It's name is Connor...

"What do you want?" I hissed from under my covers as Connor drew the shades back letting the Kansas light flood into my once nicely dark room.

"Can't a friend just come in, say hello, make his best friend some breakfast, then ask politely if he could please borrow 60 bucks?" By this time I was just looking at him as he fidgeted in the computer chair across from my bed. My glare rolling out waves of dislike in his general direction.

"60 dollars? Not happening." Getting up I grabbed some clothes for the day and made my way out into the dark hallway towards the bathroom where right as I began to close the door Connor stopped it.

"Why not? I'm making you breakfast!"

"Connor, love?"

"Yes'm?"

"It's not happening." With that I slammed the door in his face and locked it, turned the shower on and began my day. Within 30 minutes my hair was dry, makeup was on, as were my clothes as I made my way to the kitchen when something caught my eye. The clock on the mantel had my mind reeling as I walked towards Connor and proceeded to hit him. My lips formed into a thin line as I backed Connor against the counter and continued to slap him silly (No Connors were hurt in the making of this chapter.).

"Ow! What the hell?" He asked cowering against the cold marble of my counters.

"Why would you need fucking 60 bucks at 7 in the morning? Why? Thats inhuman!" Stepping back I gave him a stern look. I may be small but don't screw with me, or wake me up at an hour that shouldn't even exist!

"Don't ask, long story." Shaking his head he turned his back to me as my phone started buzzing.

It's gonna be a close one, can I just buy you the glasses? Or do you really need mine?
xo
Mitch

I smiled to myself completely dismissing Connor and my toaster being on fire...Wait a minute...my toaster's on fire!

"Holy shit!" Connor was just standing looking at me with that 'now what do I do?' look, which didnt help me as I grabbed the water pitcher and dumped it on my beloved toaster.

Once the fire was out we just stood there and looked at eachother when suddenly a piece of soggy toast popped out causing us to end up on our ass's from laughing so hard.

"We gotta do a video about this." I said between my laughing.

"Hell yeah, but can I have like heat vision or something?" As we sat there on the floor, we brainstormed from our sudden inspiration that could have, somehow in some freak way, killed us.

This is why I can't break my alarmclock.<3