Always and Forever

At school we acted normal, as if we didn’t want to have anything to do with each other. Brendon became his normal cold self and I well, I was the same, I just ignored Brendon, which was the only change.

I found myself looking forward to every history lessons and counting down the minutes until I’d go see Brendon to study for the project. There was only one this that was currently bugging me about Brendon, he hadn't said anything about the kiss. Maybe it wasn't even a real kiss, after all, it was just a peck on the cheek.

Things at home were getting harder. The pressure of senior year coupled with sleepless nights from the twins and my mom and dad’s disapproval of Brendon made living at home almost unbearable. Currently, I wasn’t speaking to my parents.

Back in the group things were going just fine, well as fine as they can be going when you’re hanging around with people you’re beginning to hate. It was just small thing that pissed me off in the beginning, like how I always had to be present whenever we went shopping and how there were all these people I couldn’t talk to because they weren’t up to our level. Now, I was growing sick of it, I can’t wear my hair the same way too often, I can’t get my highlights redone because Kelsey is getting some in the same colour.

I was currently sitting at the table, ignoring the idle conversation surrounding me and focusing on the burger I had just bought from the canteen.

“Umm...Holly...are you sure you’re going to eat that?” Jessica asked looking over at me.

“Uh, yeah” I said, a confused look on my face.

“Umm, I wouldn’t if I were you” Deanna said picking away at her salad “You’ve put on a little bit of...cushioning.”

“Where?” I said looking up and down my body insecurely.

“Thighs, honestly those shorts aren’t the most flattering things going around” Deanna
replied.

“Really?” Amanda said tilting her head to the side “I think her face looks a lot rounder.”

I quickly put down the uneaten burger, wrapped it up in the packaging and threw it into the bin. I walked past a window in the cafeteria and saw my reflection. I focused hard on my thighs; maybe they were a bit bigger. Maybe that's why Brendon hasnt followed up on the kiss.

“Okay, Holly” Jessica gave me a strict look “To get your body back you need to cut out all carbs and eat just proteins and salads. Go for a forty minute run every morning and do an hour and a half of sit ups every night.”

I nodded rapidly taking it all in. I looked down at my thighs again, the fat splattered across the chair, they were massive in fact, I’m surprised they fit onto the chair.

“Keep on doing it for about three weeks and you should get back to looking good. Actually, stop eating carbs altogether and just stick to salads and proteins; it looks as if you put on weight very easily.”

***

I didn’t eat anything for the rest of the day. Water and chewing gum had become my new best friend.

I got home that night at twenty to four. I had to be at Brendon’s by six thirty. That left me two hours and forty minutes to work out.

I changed into a pair of track pants and an old t-shirt and found the nearest gym. I plugged my IPod into my ears and ran. I ran for two hours straight until my legs cramped up and I could barely move. My body had gotten rid of all the sweat and water it held and it was now hopefully beginning to eat into the fat which I had accumulated. I managed to drive myself home. When I got there I rushed straight upstairs and did twenty minutes of sit ups until I was withering in pain. I told myself it was all worth it.

In twenty minutes I was showered and ready to go to Brendon’s house. I was more nervous than ever, would he notice how fat I was or would he be too horrified by my skin when it has no foundation to make it seem floorless.

I didn’t bother telling my mom where I was going, all she’d do was try to stop me from going, and I couldn’t be bothered with that today.

“Hey, what’s up?” Brendon smiled letting me into his house.

I shrugged my shoulders “Not much.”

Brendon tilted his head to the side “Are you sure you’re alright? You look a bit dead.”

My confidence took another shot “this is what I look like when I have no makeup on.”

Brendon shook his head “I’ve seen you without makeup and you don’t look like this, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yes Brendon” I hissed “I feel fine.”

In the living room I met Brendon’s twenty three year old brother Mike and his girlfriend Megan. Brendon looked nothing like his brother who was tall, tanned with light brown hair. Brendon on the other hand was shorter, pale with near black hair.

Mrs. Urie soon brought out her famous raspberry pancakes. Although I was starving and loved her pancakes they were unfortunately carbs, and carbs were a no go. I sadly declined them.

“I saw you throw out your burger today” Brendon said quietly once his mother had gone.

“It was disgusting” I said simply.

“They were damn good, I bought one. Have you eaten today?” he asked curiously.

“Yes.”

“Did you have dinner?”

“Mom! Can you back off?” I snapped “I’m not hungry alright!”

Right on cue my stomach grumbled.

“Sure you’re not” Brendon rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the computer screen.

I found myself zoning out and unable to focus on anything. My eyesight became blurry and I was finding it hard to read the computer screen. My stomach was screaming as was my head and all I wanted to do was sleep.

“Holly! Holly are you okay?” Brendon asked.

“I’m fine” I said my eyes drifting closed.

“Are you sure? You’ve gone really pale.”

“Brendon shu-”

Everything went dark.

***

I came to in the hospital, an IV in my arm the sound of beeping machines all around me. My eyes focused on the room, I was still feeling tired and I could see Brendon pacing the room.

“What the fuck was that Holly” he roared once he had noticed I was awake. “Were you trying to fucking kill yourself or something?”

I closed my eyes, wishing this was just a dream.

“Stop closing your eyes okay!” his voice made me jump “Extreme dehydration, hunger and exhaustion! What have you been doing?”

“I went for a walk okay? And I didn’t have time for dinner” tears began to drip from my eyes “I’m sorry okay?”

“You were anything but walking! Fucking hell Holly!” Brendon continued to yell loudly throughout my room “I know we’re not like great friends or anything but come on, you were fine two days ago and now you’ve done this. What’s going on” he quietened down and pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed.

“N-Nothing!”

He raised his eyebrows disbelievingly.

“I-I need to, just to lose a little bit, my thighs” I said quietly leaning over to make sure my legs were covered.

Brendon laughed quietly which just made me even more upset “There is nothing wrong with you legs.”

I rolled my eyes “If there wasn’t they wouldn’t have said anything.”

Brendon smiled, that smile and moved a piece of hair out of my eyes “You’re girls; you have to bitch about something, right now, it’s you.”