Always and Forever

We didn’t get that much sleep that night, we didn’t sleep together, but it was defiantly the best night I’ve had in a long time. I never thought I could miss someone’s lips as much as I missed Brendon’s. Whenever he kissed me I found myself holding him closer and closer to him wanting not to lose the feeling of his lips against mine.

“Well you two had a good night huh?” Amy smiled when I got up the next morning.

I had gotten up at quarter past seven, just as the sky began to lighten and went for a walk around the lake with Amy. I had found myself growing really close to her, we both put up with extremely difficult parents and slightly demanding boyfriends. Amy was at Georgetown University.

I felt my cheeks redden and I giggled slightly “Nothing happened.”

“That’s not what it sounded like to me” Amy smirked.

“Shut up” I smiled pushing her slightly.

“Oh Brendon! Fuck! Oh! I want you so bad!” Amy yelled a cruel smile on her face.

I screamed loudly “I hate you!” I pushed her harder and she tripped over her own feet and fell face first into the river. “Oh my god I am so sorry!”

“You’re a fucking bitch!” she laughed pulling me into the freezing water.

I am not kidding; it was almost at ice temperature no more than 30 degrees. I squealed and ran out of the water jumping around the shore trying to dry myself off. My teeth were chattering and I continued to run up and down to warm myself up. By now Amy was also out of the water and shaking her short hair dry. She was lucking, her hair was shoulder length, and mine reached halfway down my back.

“You fell in the river?” Brendon raised his eyebrows at me once he had gotten up. Brendon was the last of everyone to wake up, sleeping the day away until midday “And you’ve been like this for the past three hours?”

“Four.” I corrected.

“Babe, you’re gonna get sick” he sighed running a hand through my still wet hair. The sun had refused to come out to aid my drying.

“I didn’t bring anything else” I said quietly.

“I told you to” Brendon said sternly.

“But I didn’t listen to you” I said simply.

Brendon kissed me lightly “You should listen to me more often.”

I came out of our ten half an hour later in a pair of Brendon’s jeans and one of his sweaters.

“Now!” Brendon yelled, trying to act like the policemen he hated “No more jumping in freezing cold water young lady, it isn’t healthy...and I have no more clothes left and you’d be left naked..well...actually, after saying that do you wanna go jump in the water again?”

I slapped him on the arm lightly.

“Oh sorry, I’m acting like Aaron.”

Immediately the smile from my face fell, replaced with a look of concern, worry and fear. I had no idea what to do when I got back, how I would come up with a way to break up with him, how I’d lie to him and the group again.

I frowned looking down at my hair, the rain had made it go curly again and I hated it. Brendon went swimming again in just a pair of shorts leaving me alone on the beach to ponder and wallow in self pity.

“So you and Brendon back together huh?” Catherine smiled sitting down next to me.

“Oh crap, not you too!” I sighed.

She laughed quietly “He told me, well he told William and I just happened to be there, what happened.”

I nodded.

“You know you can’t keep on doing it, y’know, straddling the line between Brendon and popularity.”

“I’m going to be done with school soon” I said quickly, not too interested in where this
conversation was going.

“And they’re gonna want to catch up with you and spend every second with you” she said quickly before yelling at William to get her a drink “And you know what Brendon’s like, he wants to spend every minute with you, trust me, he’s a crazier version of William with more of a backbone.”

I laughed at that statement “I don’t know what to do, it’s just that, I do want them gone, but not while I’m at school y’know-”

“It’s better to be with them rather than against them” Catherine finished off for me.

Although we were completely different people, she seemed to be one of the few who understood my position.

We ended up staying at the campsite for too long, six hours two long. After doing some quick maths in my head I knew this wasn’t going to work out well. Less than an hour into the car drive I was asleep, the lack of sleep from last night catching up with me. I was surprised to fall asleep so quickly, usually when I had to make a decision I’d be awake for hours on end, but the rush of scenery flying past me and the constant hum of Brendon’s voice convinced my body to fall asleep.

I groaned quietly when I felt my body being nudged slightly and buried myself further into the passenger seat.

“Come on babe, you’ve gotta get up” Brendon sighed.

“But I don’t want to” I said sleepily.

“Your parents are gonna be out here in a second now.”

“What about my car?” I said quietly, refusing to move.

“You’re in it.”

“Oh.”

“Holly!” I groaned again as my mom burst from inside the house, he shrill voice shattering the silent suburban street “Get out of that car now!”

I wined again “Let me sleep!”

Immediately I was pulled roughly from the car, my mom’s bony fingers wrapping around my arm and almost throwing me across the driveway.

“Mrs. Miller, just do-” Brendon tried to calm mom down.

“You can shut up!” my mom yelled again, “and get out okay, how many times do I have to tell you to stay away boy!” she continued, her voice increasing in pitch and volume with every word.

“Mom, calm down” I rolled my eyes.

“Get inside now Holly” my mom’s voice changed again, becoming cold and hard.

“Yeah yeah” I said loosely “let me say bye to Brendon first and grab my bags.”

“No Holly! Get inside!”

“Holly go inside” Brendon said calmly “I’ll get my mom to pick me up.”

Once we were inside my mom really let loose, I don’t know whether she had had a bit too much to drink or if she was genuinely that angry but she didn’t stop at anything.

“At Deanna’s hey?” my mom shouted while I sat on the couch “Well I gave Deanna a call and, she hadn’t heard from you since you’re party! What the fuck’s going on Holly?”

“I went away with Brendon” I shrugged.

“So you throw a party without telling me, almost sleep with one boy, going away with another, you’re acting like a slut!”

When my own mother spoke about me like that, thought about me like that I won’t lie, it cut me deep but I wouldn’t let her see that emotion, I wouldn’t let her have that satisfaction.

Mom sighed again “All I can say is thank god you are off to the other side of the country in a few months-“

“I’m not going” I said quietly.

“Yes you are, you have applications at every Ivy League school in the country plus NYU and Georgetown.”

“I don’t care, I don’t want to go” I repeated, this time with more force.

“Holly! You’ve been working towards this your whole life-”

“But I don’t want to do it! I don’t want to go to university! I’m sick of school; I just don’t want to
do it!”

“Holly, you will be going to university!”

“Mom please,” I begged “I don’t want to go.”

“So what are you going to do Holly? Please, tell me what your plan is?” Mom rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“I-I don’t know” I said quietly.

“And this Brendon, is he planning on going to university?”

“I-I don’t know” I answered truthfully.

“Of course” my mom smirked stubbornly “And his mother, who probably sits in the casino all day probably doesn’t know either.”

Right there and then she over the mark, way over the mark “His mom’s a lawyer, not a fucking gambler which is better than what you do, working at Wall mart! Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch for? You made all these fucking mistakes and then you put all this pressure on me to succeed why should I? I’ve already succeeded in comparison to you! I’m eighteen and not pregnant which is something you can’t say you did!”

My mom’s cold hand slapped my cheek with a force I didn’t know she had in her frail and small body “Get out.”

“What? No..n-”

“I said get out! Get the fuck out of here!”

“But...but no...dad...where’s dad? No I-I can’t- where w-will I-I go.”

Mom looked down at me, her eyes showing no affection at all “To be honest, I don’t care, at least by age eighteen I hadn’t been kicked out of home. Now get your stuff and get the fuck out of here!”