I'm Not Okay Without You
I Just Cant Handle The Pain
Chapter 28
Gerard's POV
Ok so it didnt take me that long to put the needle to my skin and shoot the drug into my system. It took a whole 20 minutes. I had enough coke and weed in my system and i really just wanted to try heroine. I started laughing and i couldnt stop. I was walking around my room when I heard something pounding on the door. I slowly got up and walked down to the door. I stopped off in the kitchen and took a beer and started drinking it. I countinued walking to the door. Who ever was on the other side really wanted to get in. I got to the door and looked through the peek hole and there was Frank. I really didnt want him to know about the drugs. Even though everyone probably already knew i had tried them before. Not the heroine though. I was gonna walk away until I heard Frank.
"Gerard please open up i know you dont want me to see you but please just open up" he sounded like he was crying. I turned back to the door and slowly unlocked it. I opened the door slowly and popped my head out.
"Hi Frank"
"Gerard let me in please"
"I think you should leave and ha ha sorry go back to Mikey's"
"Gerard...just let me in"
"Fine..... I cant resist you can I" I was laughing uncontrolable (sp)
"Gerard give me the beer"
"Frank I'm fine"
"No your not i know you give me it" he was being mean...well to me an asshole so what if i drank its my life i can do what i want with it.
"Fuck off Frank" I yelled
"Gerard!"
"Fine frank here" I yelled and threw the beer can at him. It missed him and hit the wall. I ran past him and ran to the bathroom and I locked the door. I started to cry again. But I made a line of coke and snuffed it. I calmed down and cleaned up my mess. The access coke i put on my gums again. I walked out of the bathroom and into Frank. Even though he was shorter than me he still held me in his arms. I tried to get out of his grasp but i couldnt. He just wouldnt let me. Finally i stopped moving and just let him confort me. He finally let go of me and he walked me to the bed and laid me down.I was really tired but I didnt want frank to take care of me.
"Frank...Please ....just go....please" I said letting a few tears drop
"Gerard I cant leave you like this"
"I did this to myself and i can take care of myself"
"Gerard ....What did you take?
"Nothing why"
"I fucking know you just fucking tell me"
"fine coke and weed"
"Is that it?"
"Yea" I lied. and that was the last thing i remember cause i fell asleep. I woke up and saw that i was in my boxers and in my bed alone. Which i wish my house was. Cause just a few seconds later Frank walked in.
"How ya feeling" he said looking really pissed at me.
"Um ok i guess"
"Yea..well Can you explain something to me"
"Sure" I was sorta scared right now.
"Can you explain to me which drug uses a needle?"
"What are you talking about" I was trying to play like i had no clue what he was talking about.
"Gerard Stop fucking lying to me...you did more than weed and coke didnt you like heroine"
I couldn't believe he knew.
"I'm sorry" I whispered
"And you couldn't even tell me about your grandma..I'm your fucking boyfriend couldnt you have told me"
"You wouldnt understand how much she means to me"
"So I could still help you deal with it...I love you Gerard but you need to start telling me the fucking truth."
"Frank....."
"Gee let me finish......What if something happend last night what if you died you know what would have happened to your brother he probably would have died too."
"Frank" I said a bit louder
"Im glad i was cleaning your fucking bathroom and found that fucking needle. Gerard just fucking tell me whats going through your fucking head."
"FRANK!" I screamed
"what"
"Shut up with yelling at me i know i did fucking wrong but you cant help me all the time."
"Gerard..."
"No shut up frank your gonna listen to me. I Love You i do but i did what i did to get rid of the pain. I wont do it again. and i'll throw away the stuff so you know i wont" I said
"Ok" he said queitly I got up and went to my coat pocket and pulled out the weed and heroine and then went into the bathroom and grabbed the coke and flushed it all down the tiolet
"There you happy"
"Yes" he said and gave me a hug. little did he know i would get more in a few days. I know i should be focused on frank right now but i just cant handle the pain even with frank here with me now.
Gerard's POV
Ok so it didnt take me that long to put the needle to my skin and shoot the drug into my system. It took a whole 20 minutes. I had enough coke and weed in my system and i really just wanted to try heroine. I started laughing and i couldnt stop. I was walking around my room when I heard something pounding on the door. I slowly got up and walked down to the door. I stopped off in the kitchen and took a beer and started drinking it. I countinued walking to the door. Who ever was on the other side really wanted to get in. I got to the door and looked through the peek hole and there was Frank. I really didnt want him to know about the drugs. Even though everyone probably already knew i had tried them before. Not the heroine though. I was gonna walk away until I heard Frank.
"Gerard please open up i know you dont want me to see you but please just open up" he sounded like he was crying. I turned back to the door and slowly unlocked it. I opened the door slowly and popped my head out.
"Hi Frank"
"Gerard let me in please"
"I think you should leave and ha ha sorry go back to Mikey's"
"Gerard...just let me in"
"Fine..... I cant resist you can I" I was laughing uncontrolable (sp)
"Gerard give me the beer"
"Frank I'm fine"
"No your not i know you give me it" he was being mean...well to me an asshole so what if i drank its my life i can do what i want with it.
"Fuck off Frank" I yelled
"Gerard!"
"Fine frank here" I yelled and threw the beer can at him. It missed him and hit the wall. I ran past him and ran to the bathroom and I locked the door. I started to cry again. But I made a line of coke and snuffed it. I calmed down and cleaned up my mess. The access coke i put on my gums again. I walked out of the bathroom and into Frank. Even though he was shorter than me he still held me in his arms. I tried to get out of his grasp but i couldnt. He just wouldnt let me. Finally i stopped moving and just let him confort me. He finally let go of me and he walked me to the bed and laid me down.I was really tired but I didnt want frank to take care of me.
"Frank...Please ....just go....please" I said letting a few tears drop
"Gerard I cant leave you like this"
"I did this to myself and i can take care of myself"
"Gerard ....What did you take?
"Nothing why"
"I fucking know you just fucking tell me"
"fine coke and weed"
"Is that it?"
"Yea" I lied. and that was the last thing i remember cause i fell asleep. I woke up and saw that i was in my boxers and in my bed alone. Which i wish my house was. Cause just a few seconds later Frank walked in.
"How ya feeling" he said looking really pissed at me.
"Um ok i guess"
"Yea..well Can you explain something to me"
"Sure" I was sorta scared right now.
"Can you explain to me which drug uses a needle?"
"What are you talking about" I was trying to play like i had no clue what he was talking about.
"Gerard Stop fucking lying to me...you did more than weed and coke didnt you like heroine"
I couldn't believe he knew.
"I'm sorry" I whispered
"And you couldn't even tell me about your grandma..I'm your fucking boyfriend couldnt you have told me"
"You wouldnt understand how much she means to me"
"So I could still help you deal with it...I love you Gerard but you need to start telling me the fucking truth."
"Frank....."
"Gee let me finish......What if something happend last night what if you died you know what would have happened to your brother he probably would have died too."
"Frank" I said a bit louder
"Im glad i was cleaning your fucking bathroom and found that fucking needle. Gerard just fucking tell me whats going through your fucking head."
"FRANK!" I screamed
"what"
"Shut up with yelling at me i know i did fucking wrong but you cant help me all the time."
"Gerard..."
"No shut up frank your gonna listen to me. I Love You i do but i did what i did to get rid of the pain. I wont do it again. and i'll throw away the stuff so you know i wont" I said
"Ok" he said queitly I got up and went to my coat pocket and pulled out the weed and heroine and then went into the bathroom and grabbed the coke and flushed it all down the tiolet
"There you happy"
"Yes" he said and gave me a hug. little did he know i would get more in a few days. I know i should be focused on frank right now but i just cant handle the pain even with frank here with me now.