Start Living Now

Author’s Note: This Chapter is in Jacob’s P.O.V.

“I can’t believe you, Renesme. Why would you ask Bella and Edward to take him with you? I won’t allow it!” Renesme had just told me that she was going to Esme Island with her parents and with that bloodsucker. It took all I had to stop myself from storming over to Nahuel’s room and smash in his face.

“Stop acting like you know what’s best for me, Jacob. Nahuel has to travel back to his homeland anyway, why not do it with me, mom and dad, and stay with us at Esme Island for a bit? It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Nessie! You’re leaving AGAIN! That’s the second time in the past three months. I’ve barely seen you lately. What’s up with that?”

Renesme threw her hands up in the air, causing her dark caramel colored curls to bounce up and down. “I knew it! You’re just jealous that I like spending more time with Nahuel than I do with you!”

“That’s like a no brainer; I’m your imprint!”

“I don’t care if you’re my imprint or not, you can’t tell me what to do! I’ll spend time with whomever I want to!”

“So what? You don’t give a shit that we’re imprints? That we BELONG together?! All that guy does whenever he’s around is make us fight. Aren’t you tired of that?”

Renesme grew quiet. She looked at me with a solemn face. ”Yeah, I’m tired of arguing with you. I miss you, Jake. I miss the way we used to be.”

I walked up to Nessie and pulled her small form to my body. “Then stop picking a fight whenever you lay eyes on me, Nessie. You know I love you, I just don’t understand why you’ve been denying it whenever HE’S around.”

“I know you do, and I love you too,” Renesme said, though it sounded like she had to force herself to say it. “And his name’s Nahuel. But you have to understand, Jake; I’ve known you my whole life. Nahuel’s just getting to know me. Of course I want to spend time with him; he’s special to me.”

I closed my eyes and held Nessie a little bit closer. I didn’t want to, but I had to ask the question that had been haunting my sleep for months. “Is he special to you in the same way you are to me?”

Nessie tensed under my arms. I guess I already knew the answer. “I don’t know. Maybe. But can’t we just enjoy the moment, Jake? Can’t we enjoy what we have now?”

I sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” While it lasts, anyway.

Renesme smiled up at me. “Good. Now let’s do something fun. I have something in mind…” She gave me a suggestive look, lifting my shirt up.

***

I woke up with a start. Ever since Renesme left, all I could dream about was that fight. As I wiped off a bead of sweat from my forehead, I looked down to my left. Jael was still sleeping, her small feet poking out from underneath the covers. I quietly chuckled to myself and moved a strand of hair from her face. As soon as I touched her skin, she woke up.

As she turned to face me, sighing to herself, she smiled. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I said, smiling back at her; that smile was contagious. “Did you sleep ok?”

Jael snuggled up next to me and wrapped her arms around me. “Mhmmm. I feel great; that was the most sleep I’ve gotten in a while.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist. “Me too. What do you want to do today?”

Jael softly traced circles on my chest with her finger. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. How do chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast sound?”

“How does a date with me at eight sound?” As soon as I said it, I wished I would’ve covered my mouth with my hands. Did I just say that? I KNOW I didn’t just say that.

Jael looked at me with a hard expression. I can’t believe I just did that! I mean, I know that I have feelings for Jael, but what if they’re not mutual? That would make things so much worse around here; not only would I have to deal with slowly loosing Nessie to that bloodsucker, but now things would be awkward between me and Jael. And I couldn’t let that happen-she’s been through too much already, and she doesn’t deserve to have another problem on her shoulders. I looked at her and forced a smile on my face. Of all the awkward things I’ve either seen or experienced in the past couple of years, this definitely was number one.

“Are you making some kind of sick joke, Jacob Black? Because if you are, it isn’t funny.” Jael’s harsh tone interrupted my thoughts. And even though I tried to deny it, my heart fell. Instead of trying to play it off, I quickly decided to tell her the truth.

“Look, I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I mean, I’m with Renesme-”

“Yeah, if you can even call it that.”

I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. “I’m going to ignore that comment. Like I was saying, I’m with Renesme-I mean we’re imprints,” I started to finish my sentence but Jael laughed and sat up. “And what is it now?”

“I’m sorry. But ever since I got here, you use that whole ‘imprint’ excuse at least fifteen times. I mean, no offense, but Jake, and trust me, I hate that whole ‘tough love’ thing, but when are you going to realize that Renesme doesn’t love you the way you want her to?”

“What are you talking about?! Of course she does! That idiot bloodsucker is just messing with her head! You don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

In case no one noticed, I really didn’t like the way this conversation was going; this was completely going in the opposite direction. I was trying to ask Jael out, but the woman was making it hard to do so. She wanted to talk about this now? Now?When I was trying to tell her that I cared about her!

Jael shoved me off the bed- hard. “I don’t know what I’m talking about?!” She scoffed again. “Jacob, I was stuck in a hospital bed for a month. I watched you two argue and then kiss and make up so many times, it makes my head hurt. And yes, Renesme’s always going to be your imprint, but that doesn’t mean she’ll want in you a romantic way. Whenever you weren’t around, she was sucking face with what’s-his-face; th-that Amazonian vampire! And trust me, she doesn’t try to hide it either- they were going at it in the backyard, right by my window. Jake, she’s playing you.”

I reached for a pillow on the floor and threw it at Jael. “You’re wrong. Nessie’s only like that when he’s around. She loves me- in a romantic way,” I said rather defensively.

At this point, Jael was changing out of her pajamas into some boot-cut jeans and a “Mikey Effin Way” shirt. After shrugging into a leather jacket that Alice bought her, which she could surprisingly stand walking around in despite her body temperature, and putting her hair into a messy ponytail she turned around, rolled her eyes, and said, “Whatever, Jake. If you’re so sure that she loves you in a romantic way, then why was I the one who woke up next to you and not her?”

My mind went blank, and I said the first thing that came to mind instead of thinking things through.“That’s easy,” I said. “One: Edward would kill me, no matter what my intentions were, and two: she says that I roll around in my sleep too much and she doesn’t like it. Besides, there’s hardly any room in the house.”

“Oh that’s bullshit, and you know it. Stop making excuses for her! You don’t roll around in your sleep. You may snore every so often, but you don’t move an inch.”

She started slipping some black boots on. I had bought her those when we drove out to Port Angeles with the pack. She refused to let me buy them for her, but after arguing about it at the store for five minutes, and creating a scene, she quickly backed down. They were shin-high boots that were laced and buckled at the top. Each boot had a steel toe on the inside. Like she needed it; if that girl left bruises when she accidently kicked someone, imagine what she could do if those kicks were intentional.

“The reason why she doesn’t like sleeping with you is because she sneaks to go talk to Nahuel, and when he’s here, they run off into the woods together to hook up. She’s a horny, two-faced little brat who thinks she can have whatever she wants.”

I stood up and walked over to Jael, trying to hide the hurt that I knew was showing in my eyes. “You’re lying.”

“Jacob, listen to me!” Jael put her hands on my shoulders and lightly shook me. “For once, stop lying to yourself and face the facts! Renesme doesn’t want you that way! Stop acting like a little kid. I know you don’t want to hear this, especially from me, but you have to! I’m only telling you this because no one here has the guts to say it to your face. I mean, I haven’t even been here that long, and I understand things better than you do! Trust me; there is nothing worse than being rejected by the one person you care about more than anything. I know what you’re dealing with; I’ve been through it. Believe me when I say this: MOVE ON and find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be!”

“Oh really? Who would want me that way? Who would I want? You?” Once again, I wish I would’ve just kept my mouth shut. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but I could tell by the hurt expression in Jael’s face that I had gone too far.

“You know what Jacob? After everything that’s happened to BOTH of us in the past couple of months, I thought, if anyone could understand what I’ve been going through, it was you. But clearly, I was wrong.”

She started for the bedroom door, but I stopped her in order to try to explain myself.

“Jael, I’m sorry. I didn’t me-”

“No.” For the second time that morning, Jael pushed me away from her. “I’m sick of your excuses. Stop defending people’s actions, especially when you can’t defend you own. I try to sympathize with you, I do. And just when I think we’re getting closer, you do something stupid.” She laughed mockingly. “And I actually thought I was starting to fall for you.”

Those words struck down to my core. So the feelings were mutual. At least they were, until I fucked up…again. I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t care for her, because I did...a lot.

“Jael-”

“No! I’m not going to just sit here and let you insult me when I try to tell you something you don’t want to hear. I’m done with this.”

As she walked out of the door into the hallway, I called after her, asking her to stay. To hear me out. But she turned at the front door, ignoring my dad’s concerned questions.

“No. Fuck you, Jacob. I’m done.” And with that, she quietly shut the front door, and slipped out into the morning fog.

As if things were bad already, I had just lost the one person I felt closest to in a long time. And there was a very real possibility that she wouldn’t come back.

Dad rolled up to me and gave me an angry look. “What, dad?”

He sighed and said, “Son, I know you’ve been through a lot. And it’s been hard on you. But what you just did to that girl was wrong. I hope you can fix things because if you don’t, well, that just makes you a dick.” He rolled off towards the living room, muttering to himself.

I leaned against the doorframe and punched the wall. As I removed my hand from the wall, I noticed the small hole I left. Great. Another thing I screwed up.

“I know, dad. And I won’t stop ‘til I find her and set things right,” I whispered to myself as I headed out the door.