Start Living Now

“For the hundredth time Seth, you can’t just waltz out into the brush with your hands held open and expect something to happen! You need to watch from a distance, when she thinks you’re worthy of her time she’ll come to you.”

It had been like this for weeks. Each morning Seth, Leah and I would hike up into the mountains by the edge of the forest, where I would leave them at various locations so that they could observe their respective Forms as they belonged in nature. Seth had chosen a mountain lion- a puma, while Leah had chosen one of the many breeds of eagle native to the Olympic Peninsula. By “chosen,” I mean that each had seen a vision of those specific animals while meditating, something I insisted they do every night in order to reflect and process everything they had experience while learning their new Forms. From there, while we were hiking, they had seen their animal guide, their Master. Leah had seemed to grasp just exactly what we were doing, how special and unique this was, and why it was meant to be taken seriously. Seth, on the other hand, was too impatient and wanted the whole process to finish as quickly as possible. Teenagers.

“This is taking forever,” he complained as he kicked at the dirt. “Leah was kinda able to get her guide to come to her yesterday. Mine just ignores me.” The female Puma, who was lounging on an outcrop of rock some thirty feet about us, laid her head down with an exasperated grunt, no doubt eager to take a nap in the sun.

“This isn’t a competition to see who can Shift into their new Form the fastest, Seth.” I sighed. Moving closer to him, I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “These things take time. You have to earn her respect. For one thing, you’re much too close to her, back up a bit and give her some space. Right now all you’re doing is showing her that you need a lesson in patience, which is what she’s doing.”

“What, teaching me?” retorted Seth. When I nodded, he sat down in the tall grass, wrapping his arms around his knees.

Giving him one last pat on his shoulder, I left Seth to go check on Leah. She was a few miles away, perched on a rocky cliff nestled among the pines. Had I been human, it would have been hard to climb the slope. Sometimes having four legs and a tail could be the coolest thing in the world.

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When I reached Leah she was sitting in the same position as her brother. The only difference between the two was that Leah was perfectly still and had a calm air about her. About ten feet away stood one of the biggest Eagles I’d ever seen. He had a golden head, the rest of his plumage an ever-changing display of the different hues of brown. I Shifted back to having two legs and sat back some distance out of respect. The Eagle noticed me first, staring at me with his sentient eyes. “Master Eagle,” I acknowledged. In response, he simply ruffled his feathers a bit and returned to his student.

I snuck a little closer and sat down next to Leah, who handed me her hoodie without looking, as I had left my clothes at the bottom of the cliff. After some time had passed the Eagle took off to the sky with a beautiful cry. “Sometimes I can feel him,” Leah began. “In my mind. It’s like he puts his own thoughts into my head, and I can understand him…a little bit, anyway.”

“That’s a good sign, Leah,” I said. “You still have a ways to go, but at least you know your teacher approves of you as a pupil.”

“When will I be able to Shift, though?” she asked.

I gave her a shrug. “I don’t know. That’s between you and him. Just be patient- you’re still sizing each other up, getting used to each other.” I took off Leah’s hoodie and threw it over the edge, where it landed close to my pile of clothes. Leah followed suit. It was easier when it was just Leah and I whenever we had to Shift a lot during the day; no lingering eyes. Some of the boys in the pack hadn’t yet learned how to look at us with respect instead of pieces of naked meat. Jacob had recently taken to leaving large T-shirts at the meeting grounds in the woods- it wasn’t like the others could hide their minds, and it got very distracting.

We started down the slope, communicating with our minds as we couldn’t speak. Leah asked me what it felt like to fly. I told her it was one of the most exhilarating experiences I’ve ever had, sending her some images of the time where I could still Shift into an eagle. It’s strange to think that it had only been about seven months ago before the day where I was exiled from the Quinault reservation. It’s strange to think that it had only been about seven months ago before the day where I was exiled from the Quinault reservation. I felt like I was at the beginning of a new life.

When she started asking questions about my time learning a new Form, I cut Leah off. “It should be left private,” I explained to her. “This is meant to be a private journey, something you shouldn’t share with others. You’re going to learn so much about yourself during this time, and you’ll be tested in so many ways. It’s meant to be shared between only you and your Master. It’s ok to share general things between us, but don’t get too specific.” Leah understood I wasn’t being cold to her, but that I wanted her to savor every moment, because it was likely to never happen again. She laughed, thinking of how this all started because she wanted to be able to have children in the future; how quickly her reasoning for wanting to learn a new Form had changed. Life is funny that way, I told her.

She did ask me other questions, though. Why these animals were called “Masters”? Why were they of the opposite gender? What was my own Master like? Did anyone else from the Quinault tribe know a second Form? Why did I stop learning a third Form, and did I ever think I’d be able to Shift into an eagle again? I answered all her questions as best as I could, with some amusement. It’s a balancing act of nature, I explained. For every person out there in the world, there is another who is meant to complete them; man and woman, etc. Our Masters were of the opposite gender to balance us out, to challenge ourselves so that we could see the world and everything it held with a different, experienced perspective. It would be a completely different experience- bad or good, unknowable- to have a Master of the same gender.

My own Master, another golden Eagle, was the oldest of his kind. He was strong, quick-tempered and extremely wise. When he flew, it was nature in its purest form: magic. I joked, saying that if he could have talked like a human; his voice would have sounded like an odd combination of James Earl Jones, with the attitude of Hugh Jackman. His name was Maese- Lord of the Eagles. I learned much later after I met him that he was the first Eagle; he and his mate had left the Spirit World, donning their winged forms in order to protect what he believed to be the most powerful weapon imaginable to mankind.

“Did he ever say what it was?” Leah asked, already suspecting the answer.

“No.” I replied. Instead I told her that he had many children, and that I believed her Master- Soldaat- to be one of them. Maese always knew the location of his children; he couldn’t be far away, I thought. Hopefully I would feel his presence somewhere, and ask for guidance. I thought with a nasty grin that maybe Edward Cullen should take a leaf out of my Master’s book; he hadn’t heard from his own child in quite some time.

Leah already knew a lot about Yuma, but I hadn’t told her he was the only other Shapeshifter in the Quinault tribe who possessed the ability to Shift into a second Form. I explained, once again, about the balance of things. Yuma had learned his new Form much faster than I had. Even though at the time we were young and ignorant about so many things, he had always been the wisest and most mature person I knew- next to my grandfather, of course. I often made fun of him, I told Leah, claiming that he had trapped within him an old Ancestor’s soul. He would just roll his eyes and say “Somebody’s gotta watch over you, Kwoli.”

We walked on in silence for a bit before Leah said, “It sounds like there was more to you and Yuma than what you’re telling me.” It was a statement, not a question.

With a sigh I replied, “I always thought there would be a time where Yuma and I would end up together. I think both of us knew how much we cared for each other.”

“But?”

“Yuma and I were inseparable before my first Shift. But then I met Niko, and everything changed. I still loved Yuma, though in a different way.”

“What about him, though?” asked Leah. Although she understood and was accepting of the situation, I could tell it bothered her; she knew the sting of rejection caused by the way imprinting worked.

“He respected the fact that it was out of our hands, that I couldn’t belong to him the way destiny had put Niko and I together.” I scoffed. “Sometimes destiny is wrong. I didn’t learn that until it was too late.”

“It’s a sad situation to be in,” said a sympathetic Leah. “Did Yuma ever find his imprint?”

I couldn’t give her an honest answer because I didn’t know if he did myself. I didn’t even know where he was; after sticking up for me during the coup, there was no way Niko would ever forgive him. Wherever he was, I prayed that Yuma was okay.

I didn’t say much about my efforts at trying to Shift again, only that I had somehow managed what I like to call a “semi-Shift.” I was able to produce nothing but a set of wings where my arms should have been, and they couldn’t even fly; the feathers weren’t fully developed. Leah tried to be supportive about it, but couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles at the image of my flapping around with baby feathers. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought I would’ve, so I let her have her moment. Looking ahead, something caught my eye and I altered my gaze up past the canopy. Even though the sun had begun to set, I could still see well enough to notice the large shape that continued to fly past us.

Sensing my tension, Leah asked “What is it?”

I continued to look up, my eyes following the large golden shape. Its essence felt familiar, and I got the feeling that whoever it was knew that Leah and I had sensed their presence. An Eagle called overhead, and I sighed with relief. It didn’t surprise me, really; if Leah’s master was an Eagle, more importantly, the son of my own master, he had to be close by.

“Nothing,” I said. “Let’s go home, Seth is gonna be in that meadow for a while.”

Leah decided to forget about what had just happened, and followed my lead. I would no doubt return to the forest tonight. The golden figure kept circling around us until we had reached the lower cliffs of the mountain. I had a hunch as to why he was here, but then again, sentient spirits always had an ulterior motive. Closing off my mind from Leah, I sent a thought out into the forest. “Master Maesa,” I said. “I’m here.”

It was some time before I heard the deep voice of Maesa respond. “Tonight, my child. Bring the copper one.”

The copper one? I thought. Jacob.

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“So what are you guys up to anyway? What’s going on in the forest?” Jacob asked as he washed the dishes.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I teased.

Jacob and I had been doing pretty well in our budding relationship. Even though we had been officially dating for only a few months, it felt a lot longer because of everything we had been through together. When Sam and Emily left for their honeymoon, we led the pack as a unified team- two halves of a single Alpha. By the time the newlyweds had returned, and Sam was able to add his own ideas, everything was running like a well-oiled machine.

Not to say that Jacob and I didn’t have our own share of problems. There were times when he would come home from work and lock himself in the garage, tinkering with whatever he kept in there. I’d try to get him to talk about whatever was bothering him, but all he would say was that an image of Reneseme had popped into his head that day, and it bothered him. I thought that the two must have had a strong bond at some point, since Jacob could still somewhat feel her presence when she was halfway across the world. He would just laugh and say that Renesme’s parents were the ultimate telepaths-Edward, at reading one’s thoughts, Bella at hiding them; she knew how to project her thoughts from a distance, which meant she was doing it to Jacob on purpose, to play with his head. When we would go for our evening run around the perimeter, he would let me see exactly why these “visions” were bothering him: Reneseme would send him images of her and Nahuel. Naked limbs, a hot kiss, a throaty voice moaning her name; apparently Reneseme was doing just fine with her new life, without her family and friends. I didn’t have to remind him that he and I were mates now, and I knew I wasn’t the cause of his frustration.

“I wish she would just sever any bond we have left, so I don’t have to see any of that,” he would say. “It's like she’s some kind of leech, trying to suck out whatever happiness I have left, what I feel when I’m with you.”

Knowing Reneseme, it was probably true. And it worried me.

A wet rag hit my face, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Seriously, babe. What’s going on?” he asked.

“Nothing, really. We just train.” I began drying the dish Jacob handed to me. “I’m trying to help Leah with-”

“Her woman issues, I know. I’d rather not hear the details. But what about Seth?”

“What about him? He’s been doing really well. He’s gotten better at tracking, and he can keep up with me and Leah now.” I wasn’t lying. We had spent a good amount of time running the past few days, mainly to make sure Seth and Leah could find their instructors before they decided to leave; sentient beings could be very impatient.

“Hmm,” replied Jacob. “Any other secrets I can’t know about?” He could be so nosy, sometimes; this time, I realized, he wasn’t being nosy. He was jealous.

“Actually, there was something I wanted to show you tonight, in the forest. But you can’t tell a soul, understand?”

Jacob pulled me in for a kiss, getting soap bubbles in my hair. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Always,” I whispered.

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The sun had set long ago, and Jacob was eager to go out into the woods. I still had no idea where we were to meet master Maesa, let alone what to expect from the Eagle. We set off to patrol the perimeter, since I figured we’d find him sooner or later- or that he would reveal himself to us. Jacob was in a particularly playful mood tonight; he went off stalking into the dark a little ways ahead of me. It didn’t concern me, as I could still feel his thoughts. Then all of a sudden, he shut his mind off from mine, and I made the mistake of pausing to sniff him out. Jacob came out of nowhere from the brush, pinning me to the ground. We played this cat-and-mouse game for a while, but finally stopped when I had enough of getting the wind knocked out of me.

The last time that Jacob came out of the darkness to tackle me, I decided to Shift back into my normal Form, thinking that I’d be able to somehow dodge him. It didn’t work. Thank the Ancestors that Jacob had quick reflexes; I would’ve seriously injured something after being crushed by his hulking form. He changed back into his two-legged Form, but still ended up pinning me down as we rolled across the ground.

“Oomph!” I gasped as I struggled to get the air back into my lungs.

“Sorry!” grunted Jacob as he took some of his weight off of me by lifting himself up onto his elbows. He wiped some dirt off of my forehead. At least we had landed in the tall grass and not the hard, rocky ground near the mountain, which lied some feet away. “You okay?”

“I’ll live,” I breathed, not before a chuckle escaped my lips.

It was then at that point in our situation that the sudden realization that we were both naked, and that Jacob was lying on top of me appeared. Yet, he made no effort to get up, nor did I want him to. True, we had seen each other this way before; it came with the territory of being a Shapeshifter. Group meetings in the forest often came with bare skin. This was different. Private.

Jacob ran his hand down my sweaty, dirt-crusted side, and brought my mouth to his with a deep kiss. It ran across my mind that it was definitely possible that the two of us might actually end up having sex in the middle of a meadow, in the forest. I smiled at the thought of it; two beings of nature, committing one of the truest, most intimate acts of union, underneath the stars where they belonged. It fit us, perfectly. Jacob positioned himself between my legs, and I shivered with anticipation. He kissed me again, but with more passion and a lusting hunger that I had never seen in him before. His mouth began to explore the rest of my body, and I moaned with pleasure as he pressed himself against me, pausing only to suck the skin at the base of my neck.

I flipped myself over him so that our positions were now reversed; I was now on top of Jacob’s waist, with him looking up at me with desire and anticipation. I teased him with my tongue as I ground my hips into his. Jacob threw his head back and let out a throaty groan. I felt the stiffening of his appendage as it brushed against my inner thigh, and as a result, Jacob sat up so that I could feel it against me. His hands were rough as he grabbed my waist. I let out a gasp in surprise as his mouth trailed down my chest, his fingers digging further into my waist, as if he were about to lift me closer into his lap.

Suddenly Jacob stiffened. “Jake?” I asked, but he ignored me regretfully but gently took me off of his lap. His eyes were focused on the canopy of the furthest side of the meadow. “There’s something out there,” he breathed. “Up there.” He pointed towards the top of the trees.

It took me a bit before I could focus my eyes and see the large form that had begun to descend into the clearing. Jacob immediately Shifted, his hackles on end and teeth bared. I hesitantly followed suit. The clouds had parted so that the moon could shine into the clearing, and I caught a hint of golden plumage. Jacob tensed, ready to attack if necessary. “Don’t,” I warned. “I know him.”

Elegantly tucking his feathers in, Master Maesa strode into the middle of the clearing, the moonlight reflecting on his large tawny eyes. “Jael Utina,” he said, making no notion as to whether or not he had been in the trees the entire time Jacob and I were together. “It has been too long, dear one.”

“Master Maesa,” I said. “This is Jacob Black.” Jacob had already read my thoughts, and, as he was well aware of who this being was, nodded his head out of respect. His thoughts, however, clearly reflected his opinion that the king of Eagles had clearly lacked a sense of good timing.

“The copper one,” Maesa’s voice projected into our thoughts. “I have asked Jael to bring you here tonight because the both of you stand on the brink of a crossroads, and you must be aware of the danger that lies ahead.”

“What do you mean by danger?” said Jacob. “The Quinaults? We’ve been prepared for them ever I found Jael. We’re ready for them.”

Maesa ruffled his feathers. “Come with me, for you must see it for yourself, Jacob Black.”

“Trust him, Jake,” I urged. Maesa had moved closer to us, extending one sharp talon out toward Jacob. With a sort of hesitancy, Jacob walked towards him, and the Eagle gently clenching his talon shut to that Jacob would be save, yet comfortable.

I made to move closer, but Maesa stopped me. “I only require Jacob Black, dear one. You must wait here until we return.” I started to protest, but he cut me off once again. “All in good time, Jael. Your mate must come with me so that he can be prepared, and so that he will know how to help you get your wings back,” he said gently as he spread his wings and took off into the night.

Twenty minutes had passed before I finally stopped pacing and settled down in the thicket. It aggravated me to no end that whatever Maesa knew, I wasn’t meant to know. What Jacob had said about the Quinault pack coming bothered me even more, especially after I had been talking to Leah about it earlier. I had never meant to bring my problems into the Quileute pack; I hadn’t even meant for any of this to happen. No matter how much I protested and said I would leave in order to protect them, Sam, Jacob, and the others all refused to let me run. It took me some time to realize that this group of incredible people was my family now. Just as they would support and protect me, I would do the same for them. I was now responsible for them. The Ancestors had a reason for everything that had happened to me; I just had to believe that no matter what was about to happen, things would somehow work out.

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“Help me, Jael!”

It was as quiet as a whisper, but it scared the hell out of me. I was aware of everything in range; the squirrels asleep in their nests, the lone wolf crying to the moon. There was no sign of any supernatural being anywhere, yet Yuma’s voice echoed in my brain. I blocked out my thoughts, leaving them open only to Jacob, who I sensed was on his way back with Maesa He could feel the panic in me rise, but from his point of view in the sky, he couldn’t see anything that was cause for concern. Maesa’s form descended into the clearing, and I ran to meet them. He was alert, and said that Jacob and I should head home right away. Jacob too, was tense. Despite my protests, he tried to get me to the path that would take us home.

“Jael, let’s go home. NOW.”

“What happened? What’s going on, Jake? Why aren’t-”

“You will know soon enough, dear one,” assured Maesa. “But for now, return home and be with “But for now, return home and be with our mate. I will see you in a few days.” With that last remark, Maese took off into the night sky on silent wings.

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Jacob made sure to keep whatever had happened between him and Maesa locked in his mind as we made our way home. As we reached the house he Shifted back and lifted himself up through the window. I followed suit, and as soon as I’d locked it shut, Jacob drew the curtains over the window and then locked the door. Before I could even say his name, Jacob pinned me against the wall and began attacking me with kisses.

“Where’d this come from?” I said as I tried to regain my breath.

“Well,” Jacob replied as he picked me up so that I had to wrap my legs around him, “Thanks to your Eagle friend, we have some unfinished business.” He left a trail of kisses down my neck and chest and moved us toward the bed. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m going to see to it that we take as much time as we need to take care of that.”

Regaining my composure for a few seconds, I looked at him as he held himself above me. “Are you doing this in order to keep me from asking about what happened, or because you already decided this when Maesa …interrupted us?”

Jacob paused. “I will admit that this is helpful in keeping you quiet, but trust me, honey, this was all decided well before he showed up. This is all about you and me…us.”

“But-”

“Shut up and kiss me, Jael.”

And all preconceived thoughts went out the window.