What Ifs and Whatnots

Luca stared at the girl before him and felt his throat close. His heart felt like it had exploded inside his chest and the fire was slowly coursing through his body, obliterating the rest of his vital organs. Even shadows needed something inside them to live. A tangible cold air forced its way through the room which only added to the fire raging through Luca’s body. He had never felt so heavy, so solid, so destroyed. Luca felt the tears burning behind his eyes and wept. His shoulders shook uncontrollably but there was no sound and no tears falling. For shadows have no eyes to fill with tears. He stumbled over to the bed, losing the strength of his corporeal form halfway there and drifting the rest of the way, half solid, half a faint black mist. He collapsed against the bed and only just remembered to catch himself against the soft sheets. Luca heard Vermentino and Oswald talking to him, the soft nuances as their voices rose and fell. But he heard no words.

His hands moved of their own volition, almost unconsciously, but how could anyone not understand that they were burying a girl they had seemingly brought back from Death’s door? Part of him wanted to deny this had happened, but the touch of death passed through her skin onto him and he could not mistake that feeling of blood freezing in his veins.

Luca cradled her to his chest, somewhere he knew he should not feel this sorrow, this pain, the bitter icy heat. Yet he did not want to hear logic, he did not want to hear truth. He wanted to be human again. To feel tears upon his cheeks and the blood rushing through his veins. To be able to rub his eyes and feel eyelashes and eyebrows, run his hands through his hair and shave off a beard or grow a beard. He had no idea what he would look like with one. Luca wanted all of this because he wanted to live, not simply exist. Anyone could exist but it meant something to live and he wanted that something more than anything else in the world.

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He watched the stable boy trudging across the snow covered ground. The limp form of the girl was in his arms and a cruel smile twisted his lips. His fingers curled around stone balustrade and as he felt the monster slowly take over more of his body as punishment for the passing month in solitude. Talons sprouted from his cuticles and dug into the smooth marble. His red eyes blazed with an emotion he would never show his servants. A single dark red tear rolled down his disfigured cheek n answer to the pain and he hissed as he scraped it away with a scaled arm.

Blinking quickly he watched as Luca knelt underneath some trees, the boy would pick that corner of the garden. In the summer it used to look beautiful. However, it was very rare for any flowers to bloom even when the weather conditions were perfect.

The beast turned away as Luca gently laid the girl on the soft snow and started to dig her grave in the frozen ground. He shook his head slowly and looked at the claw that he had used to kill the girl. The bright green poison had turned black. It was time.

The beast inhaled the putrid scent of the poison and felt his throat burn. He unclenched his hand, prising the talons away from their current position and crouched to lower his lips level with the balustrade of the balcony. The faint blue powder was twinkling at him. It was annoying. But he had to do this right. He blew softly and the blue powder started to dance away from him as if it was happy to be free or something. Stupid stuff. He murmured a few words and watched as the powder frolicked through the air, painstakingly slow in its journey to Luca and the girl.

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Luca stopped digging, the grave was big enough. He suddenly realised that he should have wrapped her body in something…otherwise all the maggots and bugs would eat away at her flesh…oh god why had he forgotten about that? But then nothing had lived in the soil for years, not even the plants. Luca hoped that by placing the girl under the trees that her beauty would help them bloom. It was a fool’s hope but Luca didn’t care. It worked in his mind. His hand traced her face gently. Even the ugly bruises marring her skin couldn’t break her beauty. He wondered why the master had saved her that day but he would never know now.

Luca closed his eyes as he slid his hands under her body. For a minute her head was lolling back, her lips slightly parted as the wind blew softly around them, causing her dark hair to whirl around her head. Small blue particles of dust lodged themselves in the dark locks and as a strand of hair fluttered across her pale lips and Luca let out a small sob something happened.

Luca felt very odd, as if something was happening but he didn’t know what. He felt something trying to pull the girl out of his arms and held her tighter.

“No you’re not getting her, leave her be, go away!” he whispered, turning her into his chest. Her face turned to rest on his shoulder so he didn’t see her lips gently close as a few more strands of hair swept across them. He didn’t see the faint creasing of her brow as she tried to open her eyes and at first he didn’t feel the faint heartbeat.

“…Lu-Lu-ca…?” The voice was so faint, so beautiful, a perfect blend of notes that danced so perfectly to his ears. He couldn’t believe he was hearing her voice that which was so beautiful, the voice of an angel in the body of the most beautiful girl he’d ever clapped eyes on.

“Luca…I…I need…” the voice came again and Luca hugged her closer, he wanted to keep her voice in his heart forever.

“Luca!” his eyes snapped open. That was too loud and too desperate to be the wind…

Luca gently loosened his hold and looked down at the dull green eyes of the girl. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her dark pupils retract and grow, trying to accustom to the harsh light as the sun broke through the grey clouds. Gently touching her the faint red flush that was spreading over her face. Luca could have cried with joy there and then. He hugged her tight and felt her right arm hugging him back.

“Miss, I thought you were…I thought…” he whispered against her hair as she nodded.

“I think…I think I was Luca…” her voice was slightly stronger, even then before she had fallen ill to the virus. Luca took in several deep breaths as she leant back slightly and smiled up at him.

“By the way Luca, my names are Riann and Arianna.” He heard her murmur as her eyes closed softly and her face was serene as she slept.