Let's Get Reckless.

I left my phone off, sitting in the corner while I sniffled and sobbed. I felt pathetic. Crying over some boy who didn’t want anything to do with me. But it was beyond that. It was the day Joe was talking about. The day I noticed my life wasn’t shit. I felt shitty just saying that. Jamie Madden was shallow and nothing under her pretty face. Nothing but bossy ways and tons of money. But what did that get me? Happiness? No, because if I could truly be sincerely happy, I wouldn’t be so mean. Having a uneven cut grapefruit wouldn’t bug me. A vacant spider web in the corner wouldn’t piss me off. Meals not being keen to my exact orders wouldn’t be such a big deal. But she had nothing to make her realize they weren’t big things.

On top of other things I felt pretty useless, crying on my hotel suite floor. I’m not no damn Taylor Swift where I pick up a guitar and hold it to my chest while I cry over everything. After a half hour passed and I took a shower, I walked into my kitchenette to get an iced tea and peach. I didn’t expect to see Joe sitting at my table, head in his hands and a pile of DVDs by his arm.

“How did you get in here?” I didn’t hear anything. Probably because I was a mess. And I didn’t fix my hair after I washed my face so it must look a sight after I’d been pulling at it in tugs of frustration hair.

“The adjoining door.” He answered looking at me, taking in my appearance. I bet I didn’t quite look like me. I put on my off the shoulder knit sweater and a pair of those boyfriend boxers Miley bought me My hair was still wet as it lay down to the side. I’m not like others so I had higher expectations for myself, and it wasn’t okay for him to see me like this. It was quiet before he continued. “I thought we could…hang out. I brought movies.”

Hang out? After I broke down and told him a truth I didn’t even admit to myself, he comes over to save the day with movies?
I wish I gave Joe more credit that I do. It was exactly what I needed from him. A chance to let my actions slip.

“That sounds…great. Um, I can have some snacks brought up. Whatever you like is my treat,” I smiled faintly. And grabbed a cup from the cabinet to get some water.

“Ummm. Do you want to watch them in here or in your room?” He asked. I thought it was a weird question seeing as I probably wouldn’t want him in my room. Any other day, at least. Right now I felt the need to be close to someone.

“My room has a better T.V. You can go step it up while I call the front desk.” I settled on a water until I could get a frappachino brought up. “Want anything?”

“Goobers, Starburst, Cheese cheetos, and coke.” He smiled and I nodded my head, my smile still faint on my lips.

After the call was made I took a deep breath and walked into my room. Joe was sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed.

“You can umm, sit on the bed, you know. I don’t think you’ll be necessarily comfortable.” I wanted him near me. This time I didn’t know what was going on with myself, but I was coherent and wouldn’t do something stupid and ruin this second chance at friendship.

“You sure?” He asked. I nodded and layed my head against the headboard myself. He moved himself to sit beside me, his hands sitting on his knees as he watched the previews.

“What movie?”

“Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I got the funnies” His smile was adorable and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I don’t think I’ve heard of that one.” I said, more to myself.

“You really need to get out more.” He laughed. Don’t I know it. I heard someone knocking on the door and went to go answer it. Returning with the the snacks on a tray and my Frap in my hand I went back to sit with Joe. While the movie played I couldn’t help my urge to lean my head on his shoulder. At first he tensed but relaxed at my touch and hesitantly laid his arm casually over my shoulder. There was an unspoken apology in this from both of us. A new start.

That movie ended and Joe put on something called another. Then another, and another.

Somewhere he put on The Wedding Singer. And out of them all, that was my favorite. Adam Sandler looked really cute in a weird way with his wavy hair. It sort of reminded me of Nick, but I’d never let him know that. I know I’d be humiliated knowing I resembled some weirdo Wedding Singer.

I began to get sleepy towards the end and dug my head more into the crook of Joe’s neck. And I even got bold enough to grab his hand in mine. I’ve never even been this remotely close to a boy before, and quite frankly it was great. The warmth his body held and the way his hand felt. I enjoyed grazing my thumb over the back of his hand just for my own personal pleasure. His arm hugged me more and I let myself smile. Somewhere inside of me, the Jamie Madden told me this was inappropriate. It screamed ‘what the hell are you doing?!’. I didn’t really know, honestly.

The movie came to the part where he was singing to her on the plane.
“That is the sweetest thing I’ve witnessed,” I muttered, more to myself. Joe heard me and squeezed my arm. I couldn’t help but think of this scenario but instead, we were a couple. I could see him singing some of the song to me and saying something sweet before kissing my lips. I internally chastised myself for such rash thoughts. Just because Joe had came in here and made my problems vanish for a bit with some romantic comedies didn’t mean we’d be something like that. Plus, he had a girlfriend! Oh shit, he had a girlfriend. I may not have known much about relationships, but I knew I’d be pretty mad if my boyfriend was snugged up in a hotel room eating gummy bears and Bon Bons watching romantic comedies with another girl. Yep, I’d be livid.

My thoughts started to drift off while I got more tired, but then I was being shaken. That sort of pissed me off, seeing as I was now very tired.

“Is there a reason to this?” I asked Joe, not opening my eyes.

“I wanted to talk about earlier…” He said quietly. I stiffened and sighed.

“Well it’s quite obvious you must not think I’m half the bitch I am.”

“The bitch you were. you let the wall down, Jamie.”

“And I don’t know if I’m necessarily okay with that. It’s been me for so long. A prude, a Hollywood prissy princess. Admitting that to you and crying was like standing naked. Very uncomfortable and …ughh.” I mumbled.

Luckily for me, he didn’t remark on the last statement. “It was a start.”

I thought about what he was saying and it made since. “I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to get to do things. I’m finally admitting to myself that I’m tired of the life I live. It’s nothing but work and I can finally stop living in denial about how great I have it. I realized, I don’t have shit. All I do is work and I don’t want to be so… boring.” I managed to have a few tears slip out my eyes by the end.

Joe laughed at the confession, although it was more than true. He helped me clear away the tears before showing me a smile of his pretty white teeth.
“Well starting tomorrow, we’ll get that stick out your ass and have fun. I’ll show you what it’s like to live.” He smirked. I chuckled, nodding my head and layed back down against his shoulder.