Let's Get Reckless.

“What the hell?” My voice shouted, reverberating off of the furniture in Margaret’s office.

“Jamie, Honey. Nice of you to make it. Seems like you’ve been…distant.” Margaret said, not even looking at me, speaking in a careless tone. It only made me angrier with her than I already was. “Oh and to your question: I could ask you the same thing.”

She tossed a folder onto the desk, not saying anything to me. I sighed, aggravated, as I went to sit down and pick up the folder. It was full of pictures, magazine articles, blogs; all on me.

“Looks like a rampage to completely fuck your career into dust.” The way she was acting as if I were a child was really annoying. It was like she wasn’t taking me seriously. Her tone of voice and the way she didn’t care to talk directly to me as she flitted through papers and checked her emails had me on wits end. Did she wantme to blow up?

“What’s up, Jamie? Let me in on what the fuck you’re thinking through this?” Margaret finally put her attention on me. The demeaning look she stared at me with didn’t make me angry, it made me nervous. Again, I was vulnerable when it came to Margaret. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I answered quietly.

“Oh? So ignoring all my means of communication, jumping on a plane to Dublin, and telling everyone you’re in love with the Jonas Brothers; that is confusing or what? Because all those things are completely out of character. I don’t know if this is your late start at a rebellious stage or what, but I do not I won’t put up with it. Especially not with him”

“Is that why you sent Taylor?” I demanded, voice not as strong as I would’ve liked.

“Well, I had to do something. Taylor is a hot deal. But if you’re not into wolves, I could snag Pattinson for you.”

“He’s twenty four” I grimaced. She merely shrugged her shoulders. Of course it’s not like that mattered right? It was just business to her. Good publicity, good business.

“Margaret, I know you know I’m with Joe; I don’t want anyone else.”

“The hell you don’t,” She snorted and for some reason it almost brought tears to my eyes. I took a deep breath, staring at my hands to think. Why couldn’t I fight her back? Why had my anger dissolved into some useless form of silence? I knew what I wanted and I knew what I didn’t.

I wanted Joe.

I didn’t want Margaret.

But I just couldn’t say it; not as she looked at me with that condescending gaze. I mustered up everything I had to speak, damning myself when my voice wavered a little.

“I do want Joe. I wanna be with him and I don’t get why you can’t accept it. But if you can’t, I’m going to have to—”

“What, Jamie?” She laughed bitterly. “Fire me? Yeah, of course. Jamie, you need me, okay?”

“I just need a manager.”

“So just any piece of shit. You want to know what’ll happen to you if I leave? You can kiss that shiny record you’re recording for goodbye. All these new movies are gone and all these acts” She pointed at the folder of pictures, “Are frowned upon. Is that the pretty little life you want with her boyfriend—if he even sticks around once you have nothing going for yourself.”

“T—that’s not true.” I stuttered, shaking my head. Joe wouldn’t leave me, never. He loved me.

“It is” She nodded, continuing. “I told you when we started this to be smart. Now your career and what you get from it. What people can take and what they can’t. You got soft, Jamie and if I leave you, you won’t have anything. I warned you.”

“I want to be my own person,” I tried, my voice coming out as pleading.

“You’re not strong enough,” She said simply and for some reason, I accepted that. Margaret won and I surrendered this time. How could I not? This meeting proved her right: I wasn’t strong enough.

Later, when I told Joe, he hugged me in his arms. He’d guided me out onto the roof of the house

“She just intimidates you, Honey. You can’t let her do that.”

“But I did,” I whispered, looking towards the sky. “I let her trick me into thinking I couldn’t be my own person.”

“Baby, don’t you see? You’ve became your own person. You’re not just Jamie Madden anymore, you’re so much more. And I’m more because of that. Reina we’ve changed each other for the best. Do you doubt that?” He looked into my eyes, hurt like he thought I could doubt us. I could never.

“No! Joe, never. She couldn’t make me believe that we weren’t love if she tried. “I know how I was before I let you in. And I know how horrible I could be if I never did. I’m thankful everyday for you.”

“Then live on that baby. You could’ve been something horrible, but what are you know? You’re real. You’re caring. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you.” I muttered, turning to kiss him, thinking; he’s right.