Broken City Sky

The weekend sun beamed through the cracked window of my room. I grunted, and stirred in my bed. The last thing I wanted to do today was face the world... and by world I mean my brother. I knew he'd be home sometime today, and I'd be getting an ear full. I guess I'd just have to face the facts. I rubbed my eyes and stretched before heading out into the kitchen for a breakfast of stale cereal.

"Good morning" a friendly British voice spoke from behind me.
"Good morning, J... Oli?" I questioned. "How the fuck did you get in here? Why are you here so early?"
He chuckled. "Sorry if it's a bad time... I brought us some breakfast though. Got it at Tim's on the way"
"How do I know you didn't poison it, or spit in it?" I asked with a raise of my 'brow.
"Don't you trus... well, I reckon you don't. I don't blame you. Trust me this time." he smiled and gently handed me the brown Tim Horton's bag.
I studied it before opening the bag to have a delicious smell of a whole wheat bagle with butter swim through my nose. Yum. I unrwapped the food and examed it quickly, then cautiously took a bite. Tasted OK. I think I could trust him this time. "So, Oli, you didn't answer my question"
"What was that?" he asked before taking a quick bite of his bagle.
"How did you get in here? Wasn't the door locked?"
His face turned a light shade of pink from embarassment. "Well, not really. I think Jade left it unlocked. I, uh, I was kind of scared standing out there alone... Hope you don't mind"
I held back the biggest laughing spree of my life. "You were scared?"
"I know" he sighed "I might be a dick, but I have feelings you know"
"Alright, man. Don't get snippy" I said with a slight raise of my voice.
"Sorry" he answerd quickly and finished his bagle. "You finish up I'll start more on the project"
I nodded and quietly nibbled on my food. Oli was also quite. The only sound filling the small room was the typing, and click of the laptop mouse when it opened a web page. "Oli..." I started.
He glanced up at me from the laptop. "Yeah, Shay"
I held up a piece of the bagle. "How'd you know I loved this kind?"
He shot his eyes back down to the keyboard. "Just a guess"
"Well, it was a mighty good one" I replied.
"I know" he smirked and nodded quickly.
"Well, I'm going to go clean up. I look like shit. I wont be long"
"Alright" he mumbled. He was typing and editing our slide show. It looked decent so far.

I was surprised to have the shower water as hot as it was. I was soaking it up to the maxium. It might have been just a tad too hot for my skin, but it was the cleanest I've felt in a while. I knew this good time wouldn't last, so I quickly washed my hair and my body before relaxing in the warmth.
Well, I was right. After three minuets it went ice cold. "Jesus!" I mumbled, quickly shutting the water off. I pulled the shower curtain across the bathtub and stepped out to dry off. As usual, my eyes were closed while I dried my hair. This was my least favorite part. My girl-ness in the chest area didn't like to play fair with this. I opened my eyes and let out a starteling scream. "What the fuck!" I yelled. I quickly wrapped my body in the Pikachu towel. "You creep!"
"I...I... I... I had to pee" Oli stammerd. His face was ghostly white, but his cheeks had a bright pink touch to them.
"I think you have a lot more goin' on than having to piss" I smirked and looked down at his surprisingly semi-tight pants. I couldn't help but laugh this time. It was pretty fucking hilarious.
"Shay, I'm so sorry... I think I should go" he said quickly.
"Have a wank?" I laughed. I was going to start crying soon.
"I... No, no. That's not it." he said shyly.
"Aw. It is. You're a Brit guy, I know what you guys are like. You see a pair 'a tits and you pop one. It's OK. You don't have to leave"
He shook his head. "There's more to it than that. I'm just going to go, I'll be back after."
"Alright. I'll be here... fully clothed. Promise. Thanks for breakfast, Oli"
"Yeah. Anytime, Shay. I'll bring lunch when I come back." he eyed his laptop, then me. "Work on the project some, wont you?"
"I will" I nodded
"OK" he said before closing the door behind him.

After I pulled my pants over my hips and buckled them, I set off to the living space to work on the slide show. I viewed Oli's clips up close and scanned through the information he had typed. It was all relevant and useful. I decided to scan google.ca for some pictures of this 'beautiful Godess'.
"Ew" I laughed out loud to myself. I certainly wouldn't date her if I was alive at her time. I saved the few good images I could and clicked open "Photoshop" to spice their look. Our slide show had to be the best. Afterall, I wouldn't want Mr. Popular to fail. You'd actually be surprised how much effort and detail I put into this Photoshop process. Usually I just whip up the brightness and contrast, add a small touch of Sepia or something and it looks OK, but no, I took my time with this. Each photo came out as their own piece of art, I was really impressed. All together, this process took 2 hours. I was almost blind by the time Oli came back.
"You alright there?" he smiled and sat a bag of Dairy Queen down on the counter. The smell quickly filled the apartment, and my stomach growled.
"Mmm. Hungry though" I said
"Well don't just sit there and starve yourself then, come grab a bite to eat" he waved me over as he opened the bag. "Hope you don't mind poutine. I'm a bit of a vegetarian."
"Yum. Not at all! So am I, actually" I said. It was something I really couldn't afford on my small Part-time salary, but I've always been against slaughter of animals. Jade was with me 100% on this aswell. Thank God Ryan kept him fed for the most part.
"Are you? That's good then." he smiled and stuffed a mouthfull of cheese and gravy coverd fries into his mouth. "You need to eat more, Shay"
"What?" I asked quickly after taking a drink of Pepsi.
"You're too thin" he said "Don't starve yourself, do you?". I wasn't liking these personal questions.
"Not really. It doesn't matter anyway." I said half cold.
"You sure?" he asked again, taking another bite.
"What's it to you?" I mumbled. I lost my apitite now and set the poutine on the counter with a loud echo. Oli eyed the food, then me.
"Eat" he said sternly. His accent was hard to take seriously.
"Later" I responded. I went to turn around and walk into the living room, but a hand tightly gripped my wrist.
"No, now"
"Oli... Stop" I studderd trying to pull out of his grip. He gripped tighter, almost breaking my wrist. "Oli!" I screamed and slapped him with my free hand. "What the fuck!". He blinked and held onto the left side of his face.
"Ow" he mumbled
"Ow? Ow!" I yelled "You almost break my wrist and all you say is "Ow"? Fuck you. You're all the same; selfish." I yelled louder and ran into my room. I locked the thin barrier of a door and flopped on my bed in tears. Oli wasn't aloud to see this. Noone was. I hated the fact that I've been crying so much lately. I gripped my Pikachu tighter and almost smotherd myself so noone could hear my sobbs.
"Shay?" a quiet voice asked. I didn't respond, just sunk my face deeper into the Pikachu. Black smears of makeup traced the bright yellow material, I'd wash him later. "Shay, please. I'm so sorry" he said. That's what everyone said, but they didn't mean it. I was sick of everyone's 'Sorry's'. I wanted it to stop for a while, so I did the only sensible thing... I browsed around my room for those sleeping pills. I felt like being risky so I took two. It wouldn't kill me, right? Within minuets I passed out holding my only friend now ruined by makeup.

When I woke up the next day there was a note on my nightstand. I sat up and opened it slowly.

"Dear Shamaya:

I came home to find your door locked. I knew something was desperatley wrong, so I had to kick it down... I am so sorry for the damage. I'll fix it later. Anyway, when you walk out you will notice an empty room. I'm moving out. I cannot handle the emotional stress anymore, Shay, I can't. Bullies, you... I'm sorry. I feel that if you lived on your own you'd be less at risk of hurting yourself, whereas when I'm there you know someone will take care of you, and that you'll survive. So, I hope this prevents you from taking anymore stupid risks. You know where I am. I'm sorry you have to wake up to this... but I think it's for the best. When I think you're stable I might concider moving back.

I love you, Sis,
Jade"

I blinked. He's just leaving me? Well, I don't blame him. I have put him through a lot of stress, lots of which he doesn't deserve, but he's my brother. We're supposed to be in this together. He has Ryan to go to and who do I have? Me and my thoughts. That's it. I'd go insane! Thoughts raced through my mind. There had to be a way to convince him. I gripped the paper tighter and bit my lip. The door opened and Jade walked in.
"Hey" he smiled nervously. I held the paper up infront of my face.
"What's this?" my voice cracked as I asked.
"A note" he smirked. I slapped the paper down on the bed and a serious expression lined my lips.
"I'm not kidding, Jade. Why? I get that I'm a fuck up, but I'll go insane here by myself"
"No you wont, sis. You just need time for yourself. You need to find out who you are, and not do anything stupid."
"I know who I am" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Really?" he asked with a raise of his 'brow. "So, you're the girl who hates life and tries in everywhich way to end it when something goes bad?"
"Oh, so now you're calling me a puss" I scowled. "That's not it Jade. Everyone has their flaws, okay. This is one of mine. You're my brother, man!"
"I know I am, Shay..." he started. I cut him off.
"Look at you! You're running from your problem too. Running to Ryan. That's your flaw, hmm. So who the fuck are you to point out mine?"
"You're right" he sighed and let his hands fall to his side. "You're right, Shay. I'll stay then. One more chance though"
"Alright." I nodded. "That's fair"
"Ah, come here" he smiled and tackled me into a hug. My head cracked against the wall and I laughed as I hugged him back.
"Is there school tomorrow?" I asked
"Uh, actually, there was school today. You've been asleep for two days, Shay"
"Shut up" I playfully pushed him off me.
"No word of a lie. I thought you were dead" he answerd now sitting at the foot of my bed.
"Shit" I mumbled "Oli di..." Jade shook his head quickly.
"I've been here off and on since I found you, and he was nowhere to be found"
"Oh. That's OK" I said trying with every bit of me to hide my disappointment. It was his fucking fault and he didn't have the bawls to apologize. Fuck him. I was right about what I said.

The next day at school I was hoping to avoid Oli, but he found me and had that stupid goofy look on his face. I knew what was coming to me, and I had prepared myself for it. Things weren't going to change just from a day and a half of working together.
"Emo!" his friends shouted at me in the crowded hallway. Everyone stared as they passed by. Well, that was my fifteen minuets of fame for this morning. I smiled sarcastically at everyone who dared to look at me and continued on my way. I brushed past Oli, and he let out a grunt.
"Watch it" he grumbled. I looked up into his eyes. They were dark with hate and clouded with revenge. It gave me cold chills. I looked away and quickened my pace down the busy hall to first class.
Math Essentials 12 was great fun. Mrs. Samson was an amazing teacher, along with the PSA's who loved to try new things and not judge by appearance. They made Math fun, that's for sure.
After this class I had English with Oli. Great.
I cautiously walked into the class and took my assigned seat next to Oli. His mood didn't change much since 9:30 this morning and for some reason it worried me. I decided I'd take a shot with a warm welcome.
"Um. Hi?" I said shyly. He didn't look at me.
"Hey" he mumbled
"Shamaya, Oliver, you two can go to the library" Ms. Conrad pointed her index finger at us then towards the door.
"Alright" I nodded and grabbed my binders from my desk.

It was awkward to be roaming the halls with Oli alone. I was almost expecting someone to pop out and shove a pie in my face, or try to trip me, but we made it to the library without being seen. Thank God for his ego I guess.
We took seats across from each other at the table. Our table was dark so I flicked the lamp on and sat my binder down. I stared at Oli's blank expression in the dim light and sighed to break the tension.
"What's wrong?" I whisperd.
"Nothing" he mumbled. I've heard that one too many times and I wasn't falling for it. I rolled my eyes.
"Please. Somethings' wrong.Tell me"
"Why do yo care?" he snapped. A few heads turned our way. I sunk my head lower into the dim table light so I wasn't noticable.
"Never said I did. You just aren't yourself" I replied.
"You have enough going on, don't worry yourself about me"
"Oh please, Oli. Save it for the soaps" I chuckled quietly. A smirk started on his face
"Just my dad, really. I'm doing poorly in all my subs because of sports. I don't have time for anything" he sighed "It's stupid. Sorry"
"Don't be sorry" I shook my head. I understood where he was coming from. I leaned in closer to the table, so close I could smell his beautiful sent of Axe. "If you want I can tutor you during this project. We'll probably be done soon.". He bit his lip and scanned the possibilites. I knew the questions he was asking himself. Was it worth it? Is it a big risk? Hmm, just what if? Kind of sad actually. But hey, you do what you do when you're popular I guess.
"Yeah. That's a good idea actually. Thanks. You saved my ass" he smiled. I could see his mood start to lighten and I knew I'd be getting it at lunch time.
"Not a problem" I nodded slightly "Come over when ever you like. I might be at work sometimes, but just make yourself at home."
"Oh you work?" he asked
"Mhm" I nodded "Kind of have to"
"Ah... right. Sorry" he bit his lip and glanced down at his messy binder.
"Well, the first step to good grades is a neat binder" I chuckled.
"You reckon?" he smirked and shoved the binder over my way. "You're probably better at it than I am. Have a go" . I stared at him, then the hundres of loose, unorganized pages of work and looseleaf. I sighed heavily.
"Can't promise it'll be done by the end of English" I shrugged
"It's OK, we have a free next, then lunch. I have practice..." he trailed off the topic and shot his glance towards the door. He snatched the binder away and stood up abruptly. "Don't go through my binder, it's rude"
"What are you doing over here?" Cortney asked with that same snarl in her voice. She really pissed me off.
"Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot touching your binder would ruin your ego." I rolled my eyes and grabbed my binder, holding it close to my chest. It was my time to leave, I knew when it take a hint.

I was drained in my thoughts at lunch, and all my friends didn't seem to notice. Maybe it was normal for me to live in my own world. I stared at the bland cafeteria wall and fiddled with my lip ring. I watched carefully as the dark clouds filled the sky, causing grey to sweep over the town. I was so focused that I swore I heard the first raindrop tap against the glass window. It slid down so peacefully, as if there was nothing it had to hide from. It was transparent, you could see everything through the drops. Everything it hid, everything it was worth... It made me wonder if I was transparent. People always looked right through me as if I had no emotion, as if I was nothing to this world. Maybe this was true. Or maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as transparent as they made me out to be. I just let them walk over me. They made me feel this way. I have self worth, I should be living, and I'm going to live. As the song "Famous Last Words" goes; "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone". I was going to live by these words... Always.