Always There

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Maria...happy birthday to you!" came the chorus of voices inside 'Berkeley House', as it had been recently dubbed.

The lights had been turned off and all that shone through the darkness was the glow of twenty-one candles on Maria's birthday cake. She sat at the kitchen table, surrounded by her friends and other house occupants, being the first of everyone there to become legal. A keg was sitting on the kitchen counter, surrounded by six-pack upon six-pack of Budweiser, wine coolers, mixed drinks, tequila, vodka, rum and coke, and anything else Maria had been able to buy earlier that day with everyone's combined money.

Looking to her right to find Billie Joe smiling at her and nodding for her to go ahead, Maria blew out the candles in one powerful breath. Few cheered her on and laughed, joking that Billie Joe was lucky to have a girl with the ability to blow like that. He smacked them playfully and the lights came back on as the cake began to be divided into slices for everyone.

"Happy birthday," Billie Joe whispered into her ear as she stepped out of the kitchen with a plate of cake in her hands.

She turned and smiled at him, kissing his cheek as they all migrated into the living room where everyone began to give Maria her presents. She got some clothes and a CD here and there. But the only present that seemed to strike her fancy was the one Billie Joe gave her in private later on that night in her bedroom.

They were sitting Indian-style on her bed, facing each other, and not actually saying anything. Billie Joe scratched his temple and smirked shyly before scooting up closer to her.

"Um...I try not to be conventional. I know that's kind of a confusing way to start a sentence but in regards to the gift I got you, I don't want you to think it's not for you as much as it's something that'll always be a part of me. It's more like...a dedication or something. To show you'll always be with me. I mean, how many shirts and CDs can you get, right?"

She gave him a light smile and nodded. "Yeah. So, what did you get me? Or, uh...dedicate to me? Another song?" she smirked.

"No. Something different." Billie Joe rolled up the sleeve of his right arm and stretched it out, pointing to a vine and flower tattoo that wrapped around the middle of his arm. "There."

"It's a tattoo," Maria stated the obvious.

"Well, yeah, but not just any tattoo. It's yours. I mean, to me...this is you. A vine. 'Cause...vines grow and cling to you. In a good, gnarly way. And the most pretty ones have flowers. I didn't wanna get your name, 'cause that'd be too fucking cliche."

"And permanent," Maria added blandly.

Billie Joe studied her face as she cast her eyes down to look over his tattoo, touching the decorated skin of his arm. "Uh, yeah. I guess." He brought the fingers on his left hand over to touch her knee, causing her to look up at him. "Do you like it, at least?"

Maria smiled softly and nodded. "Yes. I do. It's beautiful."

Billie Joe shrugged. "Eh. I've seen better." When Maria snickered and bowed her head again, he noticed how she dipped her chin to her chest in a way that made him a little nervous. A little anxious. The sniffle that emitted from her along with the small heave of her chest didn't help any either. "I'm sorry. I know the gift isn't that typical but that was what I was going for..."

"No. The gift is perfect," she cut him off.

Reaching his arm out, he ran his hand through her hair, pushing it behind her ear and out of her face. "Maria, what's wrong, then?" His eyebrows knitted as he swallowed back a lump in his throat.

She leaned forward and rested her forehead in his lap. A little confused by what was going on, Billie Joe just let her.

"I can't stay here any longer," she whimpered.

"I don't get it. You can't stay here--do you want us to go somewhere? Was the par--"

"No. I mean I can't stay here. Just me." She lifted her head and looked at him. "I've known about this for a while now. Since September, actually, but I just couldn't bring it up because things were going so good. And then when I was close to bringing it up, I chickened out."

Watching her lip quiver made his heart ache. He'd never seen her so sad before. So at war with herself, it seemed. She leaned back a little and pulled out a piece of paper from her jeans pocket and handed it to him.

"Remember when I was writing in my notebook and told you I couldn't show you until I was done?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's it." She gestured to the paper he was beginning to unfold and look over. "It's a poem. I call it 'She.' It's pretty much how I've been feeling lately and I want you to have the original copy."

They locked eyes as he began to read to poem to himself. It was about a girl - obviously Maria - that felt confused about what she wanted in life and was tired of society telling her what was best. That she wanted to rebel against the status quo, find a love that wasn't ideal in the eyes of society but ideal in hers, and be her own person. He didn't even realize he was crying when he finished reading it. His green eyes connected with her brown ones and his chin quivered, matching hers.

"Why can't you stay?" he asked warily.

"I applied for a study abroad position in Ecuador last year. I didn't find out my application was accepted until this past September when the school year began."

Billie Joe took a deep breath. "Wh-when's the study abroad gonna happen? I mean, you're doing it, right?"

"Yeah," she nodded sadly. "I leave for Ecuador in two days."

His jaw dropping and his eyes widening, Billie Joe felt betrayed. "But we just got back together. I...how long are you gonna be gone?"

"Until May."

"Well, that's okay. That won't be a problem for us, will it? A long distant relationship for a few months? That's okay. You'll come back and it'll be us again."

Maria shaking her head made him panicky. "I can't do a long distance relationship. It wouldn't be fair. I can't hold you back, and I'm not a patient person. I can't be thinking about maintaining a relationship while trying to study in another country. I just can't do it."

"You wouldn't hold me back," he insisted.

"Well, then I'd be holding myself back," she amended. "Billie...I love you, you know that. But...we agreed this would be a trial reunion of sorts. I mean, we go real well together. But I need to focus on me for a while. I know I said that before, but this time it's more true than ever. We can write each other. I'll even call sometimes. This is just something I need to do, and it'll look really good on my resume. And next year is my senior year. Crunch time before entering the real world for good. I need to focus more than ever and I can't have a boyfriend right now."

Billie Joe leaned down, resting his face in his hands. "Wh-why couldn't you tell me this sooner? Why did it have to be last minute? It doesn't give me that much time to say goodbye to you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

She placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head so that they looked at each other. Scooting over up closer to him, she unwrapped her legs and rested them on either side of his waist and pretty much climbed up into his lap. In a swift gesture, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and they just held each other.

Maria pressed her lips to his temple and he turned his head so that their lips met in a kiss. It deepened on instinct but it didn't go any further as they pressed their forehead against one another.

"I guess this is a good time to mention me and the guys are gonna be touring this spring."

Letting a small laugh escape her mouth, a smile shined through her tears as she bit her bottom lip. "I guess..."