Always There

As quickly as Maria seemed to come into Billie Joe's life, she was gone. She had literally flown away, like a bird spreading its wings to discover the world. As happy as he was for her to be doing something for herself, he was lonely. Everything felt quieter. Well, as quiet as it could get in a house full of East Bay punks mixed with Cal Berkeley undergraduates. Maria's parents had come to the house and helped pack up all of her belongings, knowing she wouldn't be returning to the house anytime soon and to see which stuff she'd need to take with her to her dorm room in Ecuador.

Billie Joe had watched the weeks that followed come and go and he watched as two gay guys moved into Maria's room. Billie Joe welcomed the time away from the house when him, Mike and Tre practiced together or played gigs before Tre's dad brought them the Bookmobile and they went on their two-bit tour of the United States. Billie Joe celebrated his 21st birthday in a bus with his two best friends and Tre's dad, who drove the bus.

They could now play some bars because of Billie Joe's now legal age. They took a look at his license and waved the others in, despite the fact that they were still only twenty. The guys of Green Day opted for staying in people's houses and even partying with them.

Billie Joe found himself staying up late and just smoking a random cigarette, using the phone in the host's house, dialing Collect to Ecuador. Sitting hunched over on the couch he'd be sleeping on, he waited as the operator put him through. He listened in anticipation as the phone rang, nerves getting the best of him. So bad that as he heard the other end pick up, he hung the phone up. Billie Joe placed his head in his hands and rocked. Taking another quick drag from his cigarette, he looked up to find Mike standing in the archway into room.

"How long have you been standing there?" Billie Joe asked lamely.

"Long enough for you to get inducted into the Ex-Boyfriend Hall of Fame."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the green-eyed, young man mumbled with his cigarette stuck between his lips.

Mike sat down in the ratty looking recliner chair across from his best friend and sighed. "Well, the call and hang up bit is, like, classic. The pacing and burying yourself in doing other things...you got that down pat. But you know what?"

"What?"

"Maria's not gonna come back." Mike watched Billie Joe's face sour. "You know it's true, man. You know how much of a free spirit Maria is. She's gonna get that taste of freedom and what the world has to offer her and you really think she's gonna just come back to Berkeley to settle down?" Billie Joe was about to protest when Mike cut him off. "I know she loved you, and you loved her---"

"Love. How I feel about her isn't past tense."

"Whatever. How you two feel or felt about each other was really obvious. I mean, no matter how noisy the house was we could still hear you guys gettin' your freak on in her bedroom. The house isn't that well built."

Billie Joe's surprised eyes locked with Mike's impish ones. "You don't have to look smug about it."

"Sorry," Mike laughed. "But I haven't seen you this smitten since Adrienne." His face became serious. "Speaking of which, we're gonna be heading to Mankato next week. You should give Adrienne a call. You haven't seen or talked to her in over a year, right?"

"Yeah," Billie Joe replied hesitantly. "I couldn't call her. It'd be...I dunno. Too weird."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"What are you? Fucking Geraldo Rivera?" Billie Joe snapped.

Mike shook his head. "No. Just a badgering friend," he smirked.

"Well...stop. It's annoying." Billie Joe looked down at his cigarette which he held in his hands and then looked back up at Mike. "And I can't because Adrienne is probably seeing someone else now."

"So? There's no law against getting together with her as friends to just hang out."

"I don't think I can right now."

"Ugh," Mike growled in frustration. "Billie Joe Armstrong. Maria is not back. She left you."

"To study abroad in Ecuador."

"Same difference. She had all this time to tell you about it and she decided to finally spill it two days before she had to go. I already covered the two of you loving each other like a couple of crazy kids."

"It wasn't like that, man. It was more. She brought out something in me, and vice versa."

"And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you dwell on what's gone, how you gonna focus on what's here?"

"There isn't anything here."

"There can be. If you let it."

"How?" Billie Joe wondered.

"Baby steps."

Snickering, the guitarist chucked a pillow at Mike and put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the end table. "Baby steps," Billie Joe repeated with a snort. "Go fuck yourself."

"Too tired to," Mike replied with a smirk. He grabbed the pillow up and smacked it down across Billie Joe's face. The smaller man punched Mike in the leg and they both ended up laughing. "See? Baby steps."

"Yeah...whatever."