Always There

By the time noon rolled around on New Years Day, Billie Joe had stirred awake and found the bed empty, with the exception of himself. He gave a tired stretch as he threw off the bed covers to discover he was completely buck naked, which brought back the sexcapades he'd taken part in with Maria. And the odd thing was, he wasn't feeling all that guilty about it in the aftermath. He felt rather satiated and content.

He probably could've laid there all day, basking in the glow, if it hadn't been for the smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen, down the hall and underneath his bedroom door to where he lay, filling his nostrils.

Throwing on a fresh pair of boxers and his black, terrycloth robe, Billie Joe stepped out of the room barefoot, padding across the hardwood floor of the hallway until his feet greeted the cool, tile surface of the kitchen floor. The sight of Maria making pancakes for both Olivia and Joey stirred something in him. He couldn't place it exactly. It was there, but on the tip of his tongue. He just couldn't get it out.

"Mornin'," he announced his presence.

"Afternoon," Maria corrected, looking up through her eyebrows as she plopped a stack of pancakes on Joey's plate.

Olivia handed the butter and the knife over to her half-brother as she looked up at their dad with a smile. "You gonna have some pancakes?"

Billie Joe shrugged. "Sure, why not." Sitting down between both his children, he sent Maria a grin. "Can I have some pancakes, too, Mom?" he teased with a whiney kid face, scrunching his nose.

"Did you make your bed first?" she smirked as she locked eyes with him. They shared the same thought at that moment; knowing very well that both were responsible for the bed being so disheveled.

"Well, it's a big bed. You think you could help me with it later?" he winked.

"Yeah, I suppose. But just this once," Maria replied as she went about making another batch of pancakes.

Soon, all four were seated at the kitchen table, talking and joking around over pancakes and glasses of milk. Billie Joe mentioned that him and Joey would be flying back out the California the following day which was a Monday. Joey would miss his first day back to school, but oh well. Olivia wanted to sleep over again, but Maria had said no. They had to get back home shortly anyway for the boys.

Three hours later, Olivia was grumbling as she was putting her coat on and heading into the living room with Joey to watch the rest of the movie they'd had on in the DVD player. Meanwhile, Billie Joe and Maria stood in the kitchen, facing each other, as he rested his hand on her waist as they talked.

"So, do we just go about our lives now? Keep this our little secret and a one-time, New Years' thing?" Maria wondered.

"Honestly?" he asked. Off her nod, he sighed. "I don't know if I can handle this being a one-time thing. Because there's no way I can forget this," he whispered.

"We're both married to other people."

"I know...I know," he replied a little guiltily. "But last night, maybe it was just me, but I felt like I was married to you. Maybe that makes me a bad man, but I can't change how I feel. I'd only be lying if I tried."

"I'm not sure I can do anything more, Billie. We...we can't do this again. What we did was...in the moment," she tried to rationalize it all. "It was a fling, Billie. Nothing more."

"You can't really believe that," he muttered, his eyes like those of a sad puppy.

Maria swallowed back a lump in her throat and sighed as she lifted up her hand to brush a small strang of hair off his forehead. "It's not about what I can or can't believe. It's what I HAVE to," she replied, ruefully. "It's for the best."

"Perhaps, but this time you're not gonna get away so easily," he smirked a little sadly. "I may not have you for myself, but I will have you in my life. I just found you again and I'll be damned if you disappear for another thirteen years."

"That's not gonna happen," Maria assured. "There's Olivia to think about now. Something we're gonna share."

Leaning in at the same time, Billie Joe and Maria kissed each other quietly and sweetly, breaking apart with a smile. Turning away and stepping out of the kitchen, Maria signalled Olivia to follow as they headed for the door. Billie Joe hugged and kissed his daughter goodbye, and Joey even gave her a hug as well.

Shutting the door after they'd left, Billie Joe felt a little odd. He couldn't name it, or place it. He just felt it. But what it was, he wasn't sure.

* * *

Halfway through January, Billie Joe was slightly stir crazy again. He had been hitting up the occasional club with Mike and Tre to catch some fresh bands playing around the Bay Area or jamming with his own band in general, but it wasn't keeping his mind focused. Making love to Adrienne was satisfying and fun but, again, he couldn't focus completely. He loved waking up early to see his boys off to school and then crash back in bed with Adrienne and maybe watch some soap operas with her before the boys came back. Yet he was missing Olivia. She was such a great kid and he couldn't be any happier that she was his.

He really wished he could be in her life more than just the occasional visit once a month that he'd done so far. He'd already set it up with Maria that Olivia would visit him for Easter break and spend the summer with him, but Billie Joe had noticed the look on Maria's face. He knew she would miss her daughter if she was gone the entire time, having been so used to having her around for thirteen years. It'd be like Empty Nest Syndrome. And Billie Joe wasn't sure he wanted to make Maria feel empty.

And, of course, Maria's name haunted him since he'd last seen her at his penthouse. It was almost driving him insane. As much as he loved Adrienne and adored her so much, a part of him would always be wherever Maria was. She was another person in his life that would always have a claim on his heart. And as much as he wanted to fly to New York to see Olivia, he secretly wanted to go just to see Maria, too. Despite what she said about it being a one-time thing and that it couldn't be anything more, it didn't stop him from fantasizing about it.

Or acting upon an impulse.

* * *

On January 16th, Maria was home with Nathan who was lying on the living room floor, coloring in a coloring book with a box of 64 crayons beside him, while she stood in the kitchen cleaning up the mess he'd made after eating Spaghetti-O's for lunch.

She never even heard the knock on the front door until Nathan called out to her because she had been so lost in thought.

Stepping out of the kitchen and glancing in the hall mirror to make sure she looked presentable for whoever was there, she straightened out her blouse and and opened the door.

"Billie Joe?" she asked in surprise as the punk rocker stood on her porch, staring back at her and freezing his ass off from the looks of it. She looked beyond him and didn't see the black Lexus he usually arrived in. She did, however, see a taxi pulling away and driving off down the road. "What're you--?"

"Did I ever mention that 'Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)' was about you? I don't think I told Livvie about that one," he said with his hands in his pockets. Not even a 'Hello' or 'How are you?'

"What?"

"If you ever read the article in Guitar World, I did this interview and they asked about that song and whatnot, and I told them it was about me trying to deal with breaking up with this girl I was dating who moved to Ecuador. That I didn't mean for it to sound bitter, even though that's how it kinda ended up sounding. Because you had just left and...it was really hard for me to come to terms with at the time," he rambled. "I wrote that song in about ten minutes and always kept it to myself. I never played it for anyone until we put it on Nimrod."

Maria knitted her brow and just held up her hand, signaling for him to shut up for a moment. Long enough to have him come inside. But as soon as she shut the door, there was no chance to ask him why he had shown up unannounced or why he was rambling about a song on her porch.

Billie Joe had cupped her face and kissed her as feverishly as everytime he'd ever kissed her. He lifted her up slightly, pinning her between the door and his body and smiling against her lips as she wasted no time giving in. She pulled off his coat and flung it onto the end of the railing on the stairs.

In a strained call to Nathan, she told him to behave while she went upstairs for a little bit. Then, she lead Billie Joe to the second floor and into her bedroom where they began to strip each other of their clothes.

"So much for trying to keep this a one-time thing," she muttered against his hungry lips with a smile.

"Sorry," he apologized as they sank down onto the bed. "I couldn't stop thinking about it. About you," he muttered, biting at her bottom lip. "You're kinda addictive. Like a drug." He looked up through his eyebrows to smirk at her. "I think I'll call You Maria-juana."

Maria giggled as she rolled him over and pinned him to the mattress. "Maria wanna what?" she joked.

"Maria wanna let loose," he mumbled into her mouth as they kissed again, just as he pulled the hair clip out of her brown hair, admiring how it cascaded down over her shoulders like it did for the women in the Herbal Essence commercials.

She let her dark eyes wander over his face, taking in every contour. Bringing her lips to his shoulder, she kissed his neck, smiling as soon as they began to make love. And they moved around so damn much that it was amazing they didn't break the fucking bed.

By the time their latest romp was over, they'd somehow managed to find themselves tangled together on the floor with the blanket from the bed that had been pulled off barely covering them.

"So, is this gonna be just a two-time thing?" Maria kidded.

Billie Joe flashed her a devilish smile as he buried his face into the concave between her neck and shoulder, nipping gently at her salty skin.

He shook his head. "Far from it," he replied, kissing some hair out of her face. "I've gotta get my frequent flyer miles somehow."