Always There

Returning home to Long Island after spending the last two months in Europe was just slightly surreal. After all, Maria had lived in Ecuador for four months thirteen years prior. The house was eerily quiet, the street she lived on was lacking in the buzz she'd felt while in those foreign cities, and Olivia wasn't back from California yet. Not for another two days. So, not hearing her voice ringing throughout the house was a little odd as well. Maria hadn't seen her daughter since the end of June and now it was the end of August. She was now six months pregnant and felt like a beached whale, yet waddled like a penguin most of the time. She wasn't overly big, but within then next month, she would be. In all her previous pregnancies, she ballooned considerably in her seventh month.

Returning home didn't put Maria's suspicions of Mitch on the backburner either. She'd been curious as to what he was hiding from her. She was sure there had to be something and every day it was driving her nuts. Whenever she tried to approach him about it, he'd shrug off the question and tell her she was paranoid and reading too far into things; that everything was fine. But she just couldn't believe him whole-heartedly.

What fueled her suspicions that something was up even more was the amount of money Mitch gave her in order to buy new school clothes for the boys. It was at least three times the amount she was used to gettiing from him to spend on their children. It almost made her wonder if he was involved in drugs or something. Or in with the mob. Living in the tri-state area, it wouldn't be that impossible.

She just hoped that whatever it was, that it wasn't all that serious.

* * *

Two days later, Billie Joe and Olivia were picked up from JFK by a hired driver. Once again, it was Bob. What could the punk rocker say? He liked the guy. They were taken straight to the Conner residence because they knew Maria would want to see her daughter as soon as possible. And sure enough, she did.

Olivia opened the front door with her father in tow as the girl bounded into the living room where they heard the television going. Maria stood up slowly and grinned from ear to ear when she saw Olivia, hugging her close. When they stood apart at arm's length, Olivia gave her mother's stomach a good look and then stared wide-eyed.

"Wow, you got big, mom."

"I know," Maria smirked, looking over her daughter's head to Billie Joe. She noticed that he'd trimmed his hair a little since she'd last seen him and it was slghtly more curly than just simply disheveled. Then again, he always did have a bit of a natural curl to his hair. "So how was she?" she asked him.

"Oh, she was horrible," he teased with a straight face. "I had to beat her at least twice a day, every day, for two months. I think I broke a few belts, which I'm gonna send you the bill for."

Maria smiled and shook her head. Then she gave him a faux straight face, herself. "Well, I apologize. I'm very sorry for your belts."

"As you should be. I loved them dearly."

Olivia looked abck and forth between her parents, rolling her eyes. "And here I thought my parents were the mature ones..." Shaking her head, she sat down on the couch and grabbed for the remote.

Billie Joe watched his daughter with a smirk and then looked back at Maria, locking eyes with her. "You look great," he complimented.

"Thanks," she replied. Biting her lip slightly, she gave a shy smile. "Thanks for coming out."

"Oh, no problem," he shrugged off. "With all the stuff Olivia got from your parents and me for back to school and whatnot, and what with the two-suitcase limit per person on a plane, Olivia needed me to come with her. Her two suitcases and my two are full of all her shit. I have a few days worth of clothes and personal necessities in my carry-on..." he rambled.

"That's not entirely what I meant," Maria cut in. "I was also talking about the doctor's appointment for tomorrow."

Billie Joe nodded. "Oh, yeah." He laughed a little. "That, too."

A moment of slightly awkward silence fell over them as Maria bit her bottom lip and then gestured to him with her head.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

Following Maria into the kitchen, Billie Joe went and leaned against the counter near the fridge as she poked her head inside. "What would you like?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Fruit-2-O, okay?"

"Sure, what kind?"

"Raspberry," she replied.

"Sounds good to me."

Maria pulled out two bottles, handing one to Billie Joe and then just standing there, each uncapping their flavored waters and taking one initial sip each.

"So, how was Europe?" he wondered. "Was it everything you dreamt it would be?"

"Pretty much, yeah," she nodded. "And Italy was the best, I think. I mean, I think it's the only place on earth where men will whistle at a pregnant mother of three who's in her thirties like she's a supermodel in her twenties."

Billie Joe laughed. "Well, they clearly know a beautiful woman when they see one."

Blushing slightly, Maria gave him a smile, then tilted her head as she watched Billie Joe's eyes shift to her stomach here and there. "Wanna feel?"

"What?" he muttered, caught off guard by her question.

"The baby's kicking. Do you want to feel it?" she clarified.

"Oh." Billie Joe smiled and then nodded. "Yeah. Of course."

Lifting her tank top up with her free hand, Maria exposed her full stomach and stepped forward a little as Billie Joe closed the gap slightly to place the flat of his hand on her stomach and waiting for some movement. He licked his upper lip, focusing his attention on his unborn child only to look up in surprisde when he felt the familiar push of the child within as it kicked. He locked eyes with Maria and grinned like a kid on Christmas, then more like someone in utter disbelief at the wonder that was an unborn life.

Billie Joe leaned down and then crouched so that he was face to face with Maria's stomach. "Hey ya, sweetie," he spoke to her belly. "It's your daddy, again. How you doing in there? All warm and cozy?" he asked with a smile as his hand gently rubbed the skin of Maria's stomach.

When the baby kicked again, Maria giggled slightly. "I think it heard you," she commented.

That made Billie Joe happy to hear. "You better be treating you mother well. She's been taking good care of you," he jokingly warned. "I can't wait to meet you," he added, placing his lips to Maria's stomach to give a little kiss.

As he stood back up, he smiled at Maria. He hadn't stopped thinking about her since he'd last seen her. But he'd been able to keep that to himself. He'd made an effort to be focused on his family; on his wife and sons...on Olivia, too. And a part of him was actually sure he would be able to mend his marriage without a hitch. But returning to see Maria was slowly throwing that certainty out the window. The only thing that kept him from throwing caution to the wind and kissing her for dear life was the knowledge that she was also mending her own marriage with Mitch, and according to her, it was going well.

He didn't want to ruin things again. He was going to hold himself together for her.

* * *

At the doctor's office, the gynecologist chastised Maria for not seeing a doctor in the last two months, but when she explained she couldn't because she was in Europe he still gave her a discontented look. Apparently he didn't think pregnant women should travel anywhere at all for any length of time, which irked Billie Joe a great deal.

Despite that pet peeve of the doctor's, he was quite jovial the remainder of the visit. He gave Maria a proper examination to make sure she and the baby were doing fine, which they were; relieving both the parents of any worry.

But what made the doctor's visit completely worthwhile was the sonogram. They got to see the baby moving inside of Maria. They could make out the head and arms, and even the feet as clear as day which was so very awesome. The doctor even made a video of the sonogram for them to take with them.

He left them alone for a little bit so that they could talk while watching the sonogram in private, which was a very welcomed gesture. Subconsciously, Billie Joe's hand found Maria's and they just held on to each other for what seemed like forever, his thumb caressing the soft skin on the back of her hand.

Billie Joe smiled. For many reasons. Listing what they were weren't even important. It was just him knowing why was all that mattered. When the two of them finally looked at each other, it was hard to deny how they still felt for each other, and forcing themselves to ignore it was worse. But it was something they had to do. But, for the life of them, it would never be heartfelt. Moving on, that is.

As much as the green eyed punk was trying to mend his marriage, and as much as he loved and admired his wife, the spark was slightly dying out there. And it did hurt to realize that. Something he'd worked so hard at for twelve years was slipping away from him, and he wasn't sure he wanted to grab a hold of it or just let it go. He was leaning more so toward the latter. But the consequences were just as diffuclt. All he'd be giving up...

Maria felt the same confusion. She'd felt Mitch had changed his ways considerably. He'd been calmer and nicer. He hadn't even been putting down Billie Joe and his lifestyle. But to compensate for the good change, he was clearly being secretive about something, which only hindered the marriage. She did want to make it work, but she wasn't sure if she was just doing it for the kids or if she was also doing it for herself. And after the encounter she'd had with Adrienne three months prior, she wasn't sure she wanted to get in the middle of her marriage to Billie Joe.

In the car ride back to the Conner residence, Maria's thoughts were eating away at her quite annoyingly. With a frustrated sigh, she pulled her SUV over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. She kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the jangling car keys while she felt Billie Joe looking at her. She could sense his questioning gaze as she bit her lip and slowly turned, their eyes locking in the process.

"How do we keep doing this?" she asked, just barely above a whisper.

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

She sighed again, in a way that conveyed the message, 'How can you not?' Turning her body toward him as best as she could, given her slightly protruding stomach, Maria tilted her head and furrowed her brow a tad. "How do we pretend there's nothing between us when it's clearly eating away at our insides?" She so desparately wanted to cry. To do something to just relieve the emotion building in her. "It's so hard."

"I know," he agreed, swallowing back a lump in his throat. He reached his hand out and and cupped the side of her face, brushing his tumb gently across her cheek. He let out a shaky breath, feeling as if his guts were twisting or butterflies were flapping around as if they had just taken LSD. "I...God..." he began, lamely. "I still want you. God damnit, I still want you, Maria."

She caught her breath at his admittance. "I do, too."

"I can't stand walking around my house that I share with my wife and boys, pretending my heart is with Adrienne, one hunder percent, when it isn't. Every fucking day I need you more and more." To his own surprise, Billie Joe began to cry. "All I want is you anymore."

Maria stifled back her own tears as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his as she covered her hand over his free one. "I need you just as much..."

Billie Joe's chin quivered as he tried to maintain his composure without turning into a blubbering retard, letting out another shaky breath. Gently, he kissed her, but pulled back after a short moment.

"My Maria..."