The Average Ryden/Rydon

Brenny still isn't here. Where is he?! HE CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! Not with Pete, at least. But whoever loves me most will save me from this, I guess. Omfg, this is the worst day of my life.

The priest is yacking on and on about something, then I see a pretty birdie outside. It looks pretty..and it has the same brown eyes as Brendon!!

Eek! I think there is something on my ass!

"U-Um, priest person thing, there is something on my ass."

"Oh, that is King Peter's hand."

"Yeah babe, like you can totally grop mine." Pete said a weird look in his eye.. Is he horny? He must be, because there is a weird bulge thingy in his pants.

"PRIEST! Another question." I said.

"What, Ryan?"

"Why is there a bulge in Pete's pants? What does it mean? Does it mean he has an owie and wants me to kiss it?" I asked, because seriously, what the fuck does a bulge in his pants mean anyway?

The priest gave me a weird look, then explained to me, "When a man gets horny, his dick hardens, which results in a bulge in his pants. Horny means he wants sex."

"So...no owie?"

"No."

"Oh.."

"ANYWAY, on with the ceremony.."

((Brendon's POV))

I am here, outside of this pink Gucci church where I assume Pete and Ryan are getting married. But something is holding me back--what if Ryan doesn't love me? No, no he does! Or...no, he does! Maybe he..no, no he does! HE DOES DAMMIT!

I then burst through the door, shrieking, "I OBJECT!! I OBJECT!! RYAN IS MINE!"

It isn't until after I make an idiot of myself that I realize that I am in the wrong church.. "Sorry." I say running out of the door and towards the two-hundredth pink chapel I see.. The one with the leopard prints all over it.

"Do you, Ryan, take Pete to your beloved husband, till death do you part?"

"I OBJECT!! I OBJECT!! RYAN LOVES ME AND ONLY ME!!" I shrieked as I ran to the not-so-happy couple.

"Brenny!!" Ryan shouted as he ran into my arms. "I love you.." he whispers out.

"I love you too."

"OMFG! THAT IS IT!" Pete shrieked as he pressed a red button. "GOODBYE BRENDON!" Nothing happened. Soon, we saw another person in the church explode..that person being the priest.

"Oh, liek, mfg, that was soo totally not worth it." we heard him say.

Ryan then asked, "Petey why are you so interested in me?"

"I just like, want to totally fuck you, thats all."

"So if we do this 'fuck' thing then you'll let me be with Brenny?"

"FUCK YEAH! GET OVER YOUR PRETTY ASS OVER HERE SEXY!" Pete shouted as he grabbed MY Ryan by the arm.

"Pete he is not--" I was fuming mad, but Ryan cut me off, "Brenny, I love you. Please, if this makes me yours not his, then its worth it."

I sighed and kissed his sweet little face. "Like, you are soo gonna look totally perfect in my pink Versace tub and my matching Versace robe and my matching Versace sheets.."

There goes the bravest boy anyone will ever know..

(Twenty minutes later)

"BRENNY!" he shrieked; running out to me and crying. "It hurt Brenny, it hurt.." He was hugging me, still crying, when Pete came out with the 'I-got-laid-in-the-best-way' face on. "You were, like, soo totally amazing, Ryan. I have to like, totally twitter this, myspace blog this, put up our pics on buzznet, and text everyone about it!!"

"So, Ryan is mine now, right Pete?" I asked; seething with rage.

"Huh? Oh, like, totally." he said; twittering away on his pink BlackBerry.

I carried Ryan over to a pink taxi where we were driven off to the airport and sent back home. When we did get back home, though, Ryan asked, "Brenny, why did sex hurt so much?"

"Because babe, you didn't love him.."

"So, if I have sex with you..then it won't hurt or be scary or be weird or be-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"I heart you Brenny." I heard my angel say as he strecthed out on the bed, "I love you lots.."

"I love you too Ryan."

"Do you want to..um, sex, tomorrow?"

"FUCK YEAH!"