Feelings Into Words

John picked a shirt up off the floor and looked back at the girl he loved most, knowing that they couldn't be together for much longer. Gathering up his belongings, he stuffed them into an old duffel bag. Once he was finished getting everything he needed from his bedroom, he drifted into the bathroom.

He stared at the opened medicine cabinet. Here, in a cup, sat a single toothbrush, the one he and she shared. John swallowed hard, fighting back tears. Instead he took a brush still in it’s package and stuck it in his bag. A tube of toothpaste, deodorant, and a comb fell carelessly into it after.

John walked out of the en suite bathroom and looked at the girl sleeping in their bed. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. It wasn’t right to leave her, but he had to. There was no choice. John walked quietly over to the bed and kissed the girl softly on her lips, trying not to wake her. No goodbyes would be easier for everyone.

But the easy way never seemed to happen for John O’Callaghan. Not in his 20 years of life.

“Johnny?” whispered the girl, waking with his kiss.

“Babe,” John just said, dropping his head with dismay. “I’ve got to go now.” He brought his head up to look at her face, already trembling with the tears to come. Her face twisted into one of extreme sadness, her arms instantaneously flung around John.

He wrapped his arms around her as well, his hands entangling themselves in her long, light brown hair. She was only eighteen, but John knew that they were meant for each other. He pulled his face away from the crook of her neck and looked at her. She had a cute nose that pointed up on the end. Her lips were full and round, complimenting her large intensely green eyes.

“Don’t leave me just yet,” she whispered between sobs. She pulled his face in close to hers, kissing his lips.

John didn’t resist, though he knew he shouldn't have. He, instead, kissed her back. He opened his mouth and put his tongue into her mouth, letting it dance all over. His hands explored over her body, like many times before, never seeming any less fascinating. Finally, he let his hands walk up her back, under her thin shirt. Swiftly he unhooked her bra and took off her shirt.

The girl didn’t give it a second thought; she removed her bra, leaving her body exposed to John. He stared at her, in utter awe.

“You never cease to amaze me, you know?” he said, rolling onto the bed and bringing the girl with him, so she was now on top of him. John propped himself up on his elbows and kissed around the crook of her neck, his hands traveling down to her shorts. The girl, meanwhile, fiddled with the button on his jeans. Eventually unclasping it, she unzipped the tiny zipper and pulled his pants and boxer briefs, in one motion, down just below his knees.

John pulled her body down, pressing it against his. They lay there for minutes, just looking into each others eyes. The girl tucked a piece of John’s hair away from his face. “Do you really have to go?” she asked, her eyes pleading for him to say no.

“Yea,” he replied. She knew this was the answer already, but hoped that maybe John would change his mind. That they could stay together for a little longer.

John sat up and tugged off her pants. He held both her hands in his, intertwining their fingers between the other’s. Their arms bent at the elbows, hands up in the air around their shoulders, pants down below their knees, thighs close enough that they could brush against the other's. The girl looked down at John’s legs, letting her eyes wander up just a little too far. Her eyes closed for a long time, tears running out beneath them.

“Fuck,” she muttered in rage. Her eyes fluttered open and looked directly into John’s big, warm eyes.

John, though, smiled a little at her sadness, glad that to see she didn’t want him to leave. “Shhh,” was all he said before placing his hands around her hips and pulled them into his own.

She let out a little moan when she felt John come inside her. Her head rolled back and her hands moved up to John’s shoulders, pulling her body in closer to his.

When they pulled away from each other they were soaked in sticky sweat, breathing heavily.

“Don’t go,” the girl said between deep breaths, one last time, hoping her attempts could prove fruitful.

“No, babe, I have to. I’ll only be gone a year. Then we’ll be together. Wait for me?” John too, still trying to catch his breath.

“You know I will, John.”

He stroked her hair, pulling it out of her face to he could see all of her beautiful features. “I fucking love you.”

Pulling his pants back up, John got off of the bed and picked up his duffel bag. “Goodbye.” He left the room, the girl still on the bed.

John walked through his house, giving everything a quick overlook to make sure nothing was forgotten. When he got outside, he jumped into Garrett’s yellow Sunfire, which he’d borrowed reluctantly for his trip. John tossed his bag into the backseat before getting in and starting his friend's car. He sat there for a little, in the driveway, taking in what he was doing. It’s the right thing, he told himself. John shook his head a little, maybe to shake off any doubts he was having, and backed out of the dive way and onto the street.

“Goodbye, house,” John waved, feeling foolish for stalling. He was just about to drive off when a girl came bursting through the door of his house and to his car. Quickly, John rolled down the window, the girl letting half her body fall through the now open window. Her lips eagerly crashed into his as she whispered goodbye to him.

“And I love you, too,” she said, smiling.

“Don’t ever leave me. I’ll give it my all, you know?” John said back to her, “All for you, my Daisy.”