Bring me to Life

I can hear you; I can feel your touch on my cold skin. You bring me some warmth, the warmth I lost during the last days… Or weeks? Or longer?

I don’t know, I lost my sense of time, I lost everything that kept me in line lately. Don’t you know? Didn’t you notice it?

You keep on telling me everything will turn out fine in the end, but I guess you know it won’t. Now you feel sorry, now you regret what you did.

After all that stuff that happened you feel sorry now. Now! It’s too late, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know anything at all.

I can hear them talking to you, but I don’t understand a word. You think I cannot hear you, you think your words do not reach me, but I hear them, loud and clear. They keep on spinning in my head, the only thing that is in my head anyways. No thoughts, nothing. Just pitch-black emptiness. It’s so boring in here, being all alone and unable to say anything. I can just listen to you, to your words and that’s what keeps me alive in the end.

The way you speak, the way you sound. It reminds me of the past, of better times.

Can’t I just turn the time back? Back to where it all started and where it had all been okay and right? Where it just used to be nice?

I think I cannot, because that time is long gone. But still, you sit here, you talk to me, you keep on repeating the sentences, praying me to come back.

But I just cannot, there is no sense in it at all. I won’t come back.

I will stay where I am, broken and empty.

I don’t blame you; you thought it would be better for both of us. In a way I think you are right, you are usually right. When looking at the whole thing unemotionally it was the right thing you did. Leaving me for rescuing me and the band…

Yeah, in some weird way I think you choose the right option.

But I am not unemotional; I cannot look at the things like you do. I don’t wanna behave rational. I am too young for that, I wanna behave crazy, strange, and extraordinary and I wanna do it with you.

I just always wanted to do that with you.

But you are just too rational, darling. That’s why you chose the right option… Now you regret it, at least I think so from hearing the words you say, the way you touch me.

You wanted us to be normal, you wanted me to be normal. To have a normal life. You wanted that I don’t have to fight prejudice and racism. You wanted me to have a good further life. But I guess you didn’t know what I really wanted. Or you just didn’t care.

Don’t keep on telling me that you did it because of me, that you did it because you wanted to save me from anything. You knew it didn’t bother me at all when people kept saying things about me or us. I just didn’t care because I loved you and I knew you loved me.

That was everything I relay on. Everything I put my trust in. But you broke it, you left. With telling me that you are sorry and that it would be the best.

You didn’t know how I feel…

You touch me hand, I feel yours is shaking violently. You still didn’t loose your trust in me, you still believe in me coming back. Very soon.

Coming back to life, back to you, back to everything that used to be.

Though I might sound like hating you, I don’t. I still love you, you are still my first real love and no matter how much you hurt me, I will always love you. I just want to come back to you, into your arms that are so protective and caring, that hold me close to your body so that I can feel your heartbeat.

Every time I feared something, every time I was down, you built me up by just holding me, holding me like you always used to do. Close.

Bring me to life; give me my will back to live again, to go on. Give me a hand to hold on to.

Will you?

I can hear you saying something again; I can hear you talking to the doctor, telling him you believe in me coming back, no matter how long it might take. You say that you want to keep the machine working, that you will stay with me for evermore. That sounds so nice, it makes my heart get warm and beat faster.

I can hear the surprise in your voice when asking what is wrong with me, because my heart beats so fast. I guess you can see it on some screen, showing what is going on with me. I hear what the doctor says, I hear him sending you away because he and the nurses have to fix some things about me. I hear you going, telling me that you will come back.

Come back, will you? Please come back, and hold me again. Tight and warm. Give me some will to live again.

Bring me to life again…