Forget All You Know

All deception in the course of life is indeed nothing else but a lie reduced to practice, and falsehood passing from words into things."
-Robert Southey

Lila's P.O.V.

I woke up to yelling one morning.

I must say that it wasn't pleasant. I had been very tired lately from all of the pain-relief medication that these so-called doctors had me on. So, you can just imagine how thrilled I was to wake up seeing Tom yelling at an unfamiliar face. I didn't know whether or not to wake up with a big groan, so they'd know that they woke me up. I figured that might make Tom feel bad, though. I had been awake for about a week now, so I knew Tom well enough to know that he feels really guilty when he upsets me.

"You have got to be insane if you actually think that she'll go home with you!" I heard Tom yell.

That's what woke me up. I opened my eyes slightly to see Tom and someone who I didn't know. I figured that if they knew I was awake, they would stop fighting. So, I quickly shut my eyes. I know it's bad to eavesdrop and all, but I really wanted to know what they were fighting about. I mean, it had to do with me, so I figured I had every right to know, right? So, I kept my eyes closed and listened to their fight.

"She's my daughter! If she should be staying with anybody, it should be me, not her pathetic childhood friend who can't seem to bring himself to let go of her," the woman hissed. I'm guessing that she was my mother. Not a very pleasant person, but I figured that maybe the two just didn't like each other. I mean, if she was my mother, she had to be alright.

"Why should I let go of her? She's my friend!" Tom rebutted as my heart began beating faster. This was sort of a new feeling for me. I had that excited feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, the feeling of learning new things and knowing that you could be caught at any moment.

"Oh, at least admit it to yourself, Thomas! She didn't want anything to do with you when she left and I doubt that she wants anything to do with you now! You're just hanging on to a feeling that is quite pathetic, to be quite honest," my mother said. I cringed a bit at how plain mean it was. I was now just closing my eyes so that I wouldn't have to see the hurt look on Tom's face.

But, everything that she'd said only produced questions in my mind. Where did I go? Why did I leave? When did I leave? And why didn't I want anything to do with Tom? I knew that these were all lost questions, though. I had a feeling that if I asked Tom about them he wouldn't give me a direct answer. And I doubted that anyone else would either.

"I don't think I understand what you're saying."

"You're in love with her! And she only sees you as her 'go-to-guy'," my mum yelled as I felt my heart begin to race fast again, but this time for a different reason.

"I'm not in love with her," Tom said.

That was when my heart stopped racing fast. It sort of plummeted. Now, here's the whole Tom situation. He was definitely the one who I was closest with. There was no doubt there. And, I tried convincing myself that there was no other feeling for him, but I was starting to think otherwise now. Don't ask me why I was starting to acknowledge these new found feelings for him, because I honestly couldn't give you an answer. I mean, I barely knew the guy. All I really knew about him was that he was as close to perfect as any guy could get.

It seemed as if there was some connection with Tom that I didn't have with anyone else. When I looked into his eyes, there was something more that was hidden deep within them. It was almost as if a blurry image of my past was hidden in those muddy brown orbs. It was all there. I could sense it, but I couldn't see it.

"Well, congratulations," my mum said sarcastically. "She's still coming home with me."

"Since when do you care about her, anyways?" Tom inquired. "You were the one who left her after all."

Good point.

"And you were the one who let her leave!" she hissed. "That's just as bad."

Tom didn't respond to this. The room fell deadly quiet. So, I took this as my opportunity to "wake up". I let out a loud groan and stretched my arms out as far as they could go. I don't even know why I wanted to let them know of my presence at that moment. Maybe it was just because the conversation had gotten too awkward for me. Or maybe it was because I couldn't stand hearing my mum tear Tom apart.

"Lila!" my mum said as she hurried over to my bedside. "I'm so happy that you're awake, darling."

>>>

"She was saying what?" Jazzie asked loudly as she sat on the end of my bed. Apparently nobody liked my mum. They all hated her. I mean, I understand that she left me and my dad, but they didn't even know her. Well, I guess Tom did, but the others didn't and they all hated her. Everyone hated her, I mean it: Danny, Dougie, Jazzie, Harry, all of them. I didn't know who I should believe, my friends or my mum.

"She said that I should go and live with her because you guys wouldn't stick around for very long," I said honestly, recalling the latter bit of my conversation with her.

"She's one to talk," Jazzie said angrily. "What a bitch."

"I don't understand why you all hate her," I said as Jazzie's jaw dropped. "I know that she abandoned me or whatever, but she's obviously trying to make it all better now, so what's the big deal?"

"Li! You tried to make it better a while ago! You ran into her at the store and she said that she wouldn't see you again unless you introduced her daughter to Tom. She's only using you to get to McFly's fame," Jazzie said as my eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were really beat up about it, too. You got so unbelievably drunk that night. I mean, you ended up - " she said, before stopping abruptly.

"I ended up doing what?"

"Nothing," Jazzie said.

I'm not going to lie, this was starting to bother me. I get so close to learning something about my past and then Jazzie always says "nothing". Bullshit. Obviously, she was about to tell me something that she doesn't want me to know about myself. What's the problem, anyways? Why can't I know about my past? It's just so infuriating knowing that everyone knows this big secret about me, but I don't. It's my past, after all! I have every right to know what I did!

"Bullshit," I said angrily before an awkward silence fell over us. And that was the moment when I started thinking about Tom again. I don't even know why, but I kept thinking about that conversation that he had with my mum earlier. The only part of the conversation that kept repeating itself over and over again in my mind was the part where she accused him of loving me.

"You're in love with her! And she only sees you as her 'go-to-guy'!"

I wanted to prove my mum wrong. I wanted to let her know that Tom wasn't just my "go-to-guy". I wanted her to know that he was a lot more than that to me. I wanted to yell in her face and tell her that I loved him. The only problem was that I wasn't sure if I did. I mean, I know that Tom used to be my best friend and all, but now I don't know anything about him. I don't even know his favorite color. How can I possibly love someone when I don't know something as simple as their favorite color?

"Jazz?" I said as she looked up at me. "Is it possible to love someone who you don't even know?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "I'm in love with Johnny Depp and I've never even met him."

"Right," I said, knowing that she wasn't understanding what I was getting at. Maybe that was just a question that I wasn't meant to know the answer to. But, I knew that I'd figure it out eventually, whether or not I was meant to know the answer.