Forget All You Know

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it."
-Anonymous

Tom's P.O.V.

I swear to God, I had never run so fast in my entire life. Seriously, you guys, I'm not joking.

Now, I'm guessing that you all know that I'm not very - what's the right word here? - athletic. I'm not fat (well, not anymore, at least), but I'm not in very good shape either. So, you can only imagine the shape I was in after I sprinted up eight flights of stairs to go see Lila. I was planning on taking the lift, I really was, but then I decided that it would take too long to wait for one to come. So, I just ran up the stairs as fast as I could. Looking back on it, though, I think I would've gotten there quicker if I'd taken the lift.

Anyways, so I ran up eight flights of stairs. You guys know that now. Right, then I got to Lila's room and saw Jazzie, Danny, and Dougie all standing around her bed. So, naturally I pushed them aside without a second thought and pulled Lila into a hug. I know it doesn't sound so great to push your friends aside, but I hadn't spoken to Lila in two months! I'd gone two months without her and now she was finally back! I was pretty damn excited.

The only problem was that she screamed and pushed me away.

"Lila, what's wrong? Are you still mad at me?" I asked as she looked at me with a terrified look on her face.

"Mad at you?" Lila yelled. "I don't even know you!"

Well, that kind of took me off guard, I'm not gonna lie. How could she say that she didn't know me? I'd known her for our entire lives! We were best friends! We dated! How could she claim to not know me after everything that we'd been through together?

"Don't start that bull, Lila," I said with a light laugh, assuming that she was joking around. "It's me, Tom."

"Get away from me! Just leave me alone!" she screamed as she tried to move as far away from me as possible. I turned to Jazzie, Danny, and Dougie, who all looked at me with the same awkward sort of face on. It was then that Dougie motioned for me to step out into the hallway with him. I didn't really want to leave Lila, but I figured that maybe it was best right now.

"What's going on, Doug?" I asked once we'd stepped out of Lila's hospital room. "What was she on about?"

"Don't get mad, okay?" Dougie said as I nodded. "Well, she sort of lost her memory in the crash. She can't remember anything, anyone. She doesn't remember you or her job, she doesn't even remember her family."

"That's....that's not possible," I said quietly as I leaned against the wall. "She can't just forget me. It can't happen."

"But, it did," Dougie said in a hushed voice. "Listen, her doctor will be coming back in a few minutes and you can talk to him about it. I really don't get what's going on right now."

Just as we were about to walk back into Lila's room, I saw her doctor out of the corner of my eye. He was standing down at the other end of the hallway, so naturally, I ran over there as fast as I could. I wanted some answers. I actually felt quite bad for her doctor. I was pretty obnoxious when it came to knowing how Lila was doing. But, could you really blame me?

"Oi! What's wrong with Lila?" I asked as I jogged up to him. Her doctor looked at me with a tired look in his eyes before looking back down at the clipboard that he was holding.

"Oh dear," he said quietly as he ran a hand over his face. "Ms. Paterson has Dissociative amnesia."

"Well, what the fuck is that?" I asked as the doctor began walking towards Lila's hospital room with me.

"She can't remember anything."

"Well, obviously," I said. "Isn't there anything else that you can tell me?!"

"Not that you'd understand," the doctor said, making my fuse grow shorter and shorter. I hated people who thought that they were better than me. And this guy, well, he'd been bothering me since Lila was first in the hospital. He thought that he was so much smarter than me because he was some big-shot doctor. Well, fuck that. I wasn't an idiot.

"I'm not dim," I said shortly as her doctor stopped and looked at me.

"You don't have to be short," he said, making me clench my teeth.

"Don't tell me that I don't have to be short! You're being an arrogant little fuck and not answering any of my questions! I doubt you even understand how worried I am right now!" I whispered in a harsh tone. "Just tell me this. Will she ever remember me?"

"It's hard to say," her doctor said stiffly. "She may gain her memory back, and she may not."

"That's all you can say?" I asked slowly. "Don't you know anything?! You're her fucking doctor!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down, please," he said as he lifted up his hands. "Listen, there really is no way to tell if she'll remember you. Usually with patients like this, their memory comes back by a certain sensory triggering. Usually a type of sound or taste will bring back chunks of their memory. Or it may come back all at once. But, it is possible that it won't come back at all."

"What else has she forgotten?" I asked quietly, not really liking the answer that I got.

"People, names, faces," he said. "She can remember academic things like mathematics and literature. It's just people and memories that she's forgotten."

"So, me."

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Right. Thanks, mate," I said in a somber voice. I gently pushed the door open to see Lila sitting on her bed while everyone was still standing around her. I stayed on the opposite end of the room, just looking at her. I thought about everything that we'd been through together. All of our good times. And it killed me to know that all of them were gone. She didn't remember anything. She didn't remember me.

"Um, I've got to go to the bathroom," Jazzie suddenly said to Danny and Dougie. "Will you two come with me?"

"Why would I - " Danny began before Jazzie nudged his side and nodded in my direction. Danny looked at me and smiled weakly before making his way out of the hospital room with Dougie and Jazzie. I stood by the door awkwardly for a few moments, simply looking at Lila. She shifted uncomfortably in her bed before coughing to break the silence.

"Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you before," she said quietly as I nodded, still standing on the opposite end of the room. "And I'm sorry I can't remember you. I really am."

"It's not your fault," I said as I looked down at my feet. "I'm...I'm Tom."

I never thought that I'd have to introduce myself to Lila. It was just something that I thought would never happen. We'd known each other since we were babies. And after twenty-four years of friendship, here I was telling her my name. I think that was when my world turned upside down. The moment that I introduced myself to Lila Paterson.

"How do I know you?" she asked timidly as I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears. I quickly tore my gaze from her, though. I didn't want her first impression of me to be of some really girly guy. I know that I am kind of girly, but she didn't need to know that. Not yet, at least.

"We were best friends," I mumbled as she nodded and looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. "Our parents were really good friends. So, we've known each other since we were really little. Then when we were sixteen, you moved to the States with your dad. We lost touch, but then you moved back here, to London, after college to go into fashion. And we ran into each other. Someone was stealing your purse, so I got it back from you. And then..."

"And then...what?" she asked angelically.

I couldn't tell her.

"Nothing. We were just very good friends. Always have been."

I lied. I couldn't tell her about us. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. She'd forgotten me. I couldn't tell her that we were going to get married. I couldn't tell her that I was in love with her when she didn't even know who I was. Imagine how she'd react?

"I wish I could remember you."