Live without Warning

"And if I need to advise you all that I'm moving up the due-date to your assignments, I will e-mail you from my school account. For now, the written assignment is due next week," Mr. Clancy said to the class as he sat down at his desk and snatched his laptop out of his bag, leaving the class to work on their homework.

I thickened each scratchy line of my drawing as everyone started pulling out their computers and paper. Lately I had been distant with my own thoughts from stories being told, the thought that Tre is screaming in silence within himself, that there's an adoring little girl who doesn't know the truths about her own father, only lies that were poisoned into her brain.

I don't know why I cared so much for this man. I didn't believe that I had a crush on him - in fact, I've never had a crush on anyone in my life, and I'm almost twenty. I think it's because I've always wanted to be a career-oriented person. Where as most girls dream about getting married and having kids, I dreamed about owning my own business and maybe considering having a boyfriend if I felt like I really wanted somebody and couldn't say no to a particular person; that person, being the one.

To this day, I've never found 'the one' that makes me shiver with butterflies in my stomach. The closest person to give me those shivers is Tre, but in my mind, when I think realistically about it, I've been a fan of his since I was young and I adored watching him in interviews as much as I enjoyed watching him play. Therefore, I'm not going to go into further thought that I might possibly like him. I have other things to worry about, like my studies, my job, my life, my rent, myself, and my dog.

But... how could someone be so cruel to someone as sweet and innocent as Tre...

It was settled, what Adie told me, and what Tre doesn't know that I know about him, was never going to leave my mind.

"Ms. Read?" my Professor had said, knocking me out of my thoughts and making me lose my concentration on the doodle I was drawing.

"Yes, sir?" I said weakly, talking for the first time that whole morning.

"Is it okay if I speak to you after class? I need to talk to you about your essay you handed in last week."

I paused, gathering the thoughts in my head of what the topic of that essay was.

"Music of the 80's" - RIGHT!

I nodded, smiling weakly, "Sure."

I crumpled up the picture I lazily drew and stuck it in my pocket. My drawing skills of hearts was starting to come in handy when needed to do a lot of thinking about things that weren't school or work related.

****

"How did you come up with writing about the change of the music business within the years?" My Professor asked as I sat down on a chair beside his desk, "Your writing is amazing and it was refreshing. Everyone else wrote about genres from the 80's, where as it was all good writing, but no one actually captured the development and change to 'the behind the scenes' - it's like no one cares for that stuff! But you captured it like you live it and you know everything about it."

I smiled at his acknowledgment to my writing. I did work hard on it, but it felt like a piece of cake when I wrote it.

"Well, my my brother and I are both into the music industry, working at a record studio here in Oakland. For some sort of privacy reasons, I can't give out the name of which studio," I smiled more, "as if someone were to send a bomb threat or something."

Professor Clancy let out a little chuckle, looking sweetly at me as I continued on.

"It's just something I've been studying into my entire life... I know everything about the industry off by heart, even if I am just the coffee girl," I added in a small giggle.

"Can't be all gold there?" he asked, very intrigued with my line of thinking.

I shook my head, "I can't say too much about how stressed out my brother is, being an engineer and almost operating the entire shop on his own when it comes to the creative part of everything..." I paused, licking my lips as I looked down at the desk, and then returning quickly to his gaze, "I take care of bills, and it's a huge amount in bills each month. It's up to me to transfer the money, but it's up to my brother to make sure the money is in our bank to transfer."

"I'm glad one of my students is actually facing the real world of music. It's not what Hollywood makes it; there isn't much glam or 'over the rainbow pot of gold' as the media makes it out to be," he said, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands behind his head.

I nodded, shrugging slightly, "I mean, everyday is different. I can't say I don't have fun there - I have a blast there when the day goes off right - but you're right..." I took a second to look back at his gaze, speaking soothingly as if he had hypnotized me, "Musicians - a lot of them - can be assholes."

He let out a laugh, "I can only imagine."

I let out a tiny laugh, raising my eyebrows as if saying 'you got it'. I cleared my throat and continued on, "I've been there for months and only one band has treated me as if I'm one of them. Only working with them for a month, I feel very close to them and like good friends."

He stared at me in full listen, "But don't forget that the business is a manipulating, unforgiving world. You get yourself a client, you work with them for a matter of weeks or months, then you might not hear from them for years. Don't get too involved with making close friendships with anyone that comes and goes into that studio. You'll always make good memories, but in the end, that's all they will ever be."

I stared at him, feeling as if he was a guardian angel telling trying to get me to make the right decision when it came to Green Day - Tre Cool; not too get too attached, he's only going to be there for a certain amount of time until the time is up. If I keep questioning my feelings for the man, I'm going to end up heart-broken whether I act on those feelings and thoughts or not, that's why I need to stop with the debating with myself.

Tre is and always will be a friend with an expiry date. This friendship and connection we have will one day expire.

But that's the one thing that keeps me thinking of him... That connection.

I nodded, smiling lightly, "Well, thank you, Professor, but I probably should go home and check on my pup."

When I got up from my seat, so did my teacher. He smiled and nodded at me, staring me up and down as I put on my sweater that was hanging off the back of my chair.

"Take care, Autumn. I'll see you next class."

I smiled again. I turned on my heels and walked out the classroom, feeling him gaze at me as he watched me leave.

He was a good looking man for his age; probably in his forties, dark hair, athletic build, and had a small goatee. He was married and had three children, he also previously worked as a music tech at a local venue somewhere here in Oakland.

He was right when it came to making friends within the industry. I kept putting it to myself as developing a heart of shield; you can't have anyone come into your heart when it came to the industry. That's what I needed to do. I needed to shield myself from whatever was hitting into my chest when I thought about Tre.

It would never work.