Live without Warning

I stared at my front door right as I was about to open it up to enter into my welcoming home. I stared frozen as I wondered out-loud, "No... I couldn't have forgotten my..."

I flipped my backpack off of my shoulder in a hurry and quickly opened it up to look through every textbook, paper pad, and electronics I had in there.

I groaned and lolled my head back in frustration, "I forgot my Theory textbook," I flipped the long strands of brown hair out of my face.

I blew out air as the effects of exhaustion caught on me after realizing I needed to go back to the studio to pick up the book I left on the coffee table by the sofas. I hated how forgetful I had become since I moved and started taking on so many responsibilities - Do you see how I could never have time for a relationship?

I threw my book bag into the hallway of my home before shutting the door to leave back to the studio. I put on my ipod and retraced the steps I took just to get home.

I shuffled my feet tiredly in the direction back to the studio. I looked down at my ipod to check the time, and it was already past ten PM. No one would have been in the studio, since I am the one who opens and closes on the days I work there. No one really realizes how long I work there during my days in; I can be there up to fourteen hours. Of course, with Green Day in studio, time can fly when I get a lot of socializing time with them. Depending on how much work they have to do, my socializing periods with them change day by day.

Once I arrived to the dark looking building, I pulled the keys out of my pocket and quickly unlocked the door but realized it had not been locked. I blinked for a few moments, considering I might have forgotten to lock up.

I pushed the door open and turned on the desk light. I didn't want to give outsiders the impression that we were still open by turning on the main lights. Besides, at this time of night, anyone would barge in just to see a musician.

I patiently looked around the whole studio lobby, taking in every image of it, just because it looked different with just the dim light on - it looked eerie with everything reflecting a shadow on the walls.

I slouched over to the sofa that was facing the television and sat lazily on the cushion. I stared tiredly at the wall instead of the blank television set. I had taken in the fact that my textbook was still on the table and that felt relieving, but I was too exhausted to get the motivation to leave.

I had no thoughts, but I felt like I was reflecting without actually thinking about my day or life in general. I knew I had to get the motive to get up from the sofa and go home, but I felt weighed down.

I stared down at the coffee table where my textbook and Ipod was laying. My Ipod was laying on top of a magazine that read "Physiologists believe the people we dream about are the ones who think of us when we sleep".

Yea, and I had a dream about Jim Carry last night - explain that one!

I flinched when I felt a vibration come from my back pocket and heard a buzzer go off. I realized it was my phone and someone had texted me. I leaned myself over a bit and grabbed my cell.

The text message was from a girl I met at school named Sheena. I opened up the message to read: "Summer carnival this weekend - Going Friday evening with Ryan and Adam - Did you want to come with?"

Ryan and Adam were also friends from school. Both of them were goofballs and they were amusing to be around, as was Sheena too.

I inhaled through my nose as I thought about it. I had to remember what day it was today before determining if I wanted to go out or just spend the night at home.

I remembered it was Tuesday, and I figured going out with some friends would do me some good and take my mind off of things.

"Yea, I'm in." I replied back. I didn't expect her to message back so I put the phone back into my pocket.

After that wake of reality, I felt a surge of energy enter me like an unexpected lightening-bolt hitting the land. I jumped up on my feet and instantly it felt like the weight on my eyelids was gone.

Since I had left the door unlocked - because I'm an idiot - I decided it would have been best to re-examine the studio just to make sure there was no one snooping around.

I brushed my hands on the back of my jeans and walked down the hallway, checking each studio room and music room before walking back to the lobby. And like I had suspected, it was empty.

I grabbed my Ipod off the coffee table and put the ear-buds back into my ears. I turned on the song "Saved By Strangers" by the Canadian band, Die Mannequin. This was one of my favorites by them - it always made me want to mosh and jump around. No matter what state of mind I was in or how lazy I was, it always gave me energy.

It just started with a beat in my walk and a small head-bang to each step until I stood in the middle of the studio and started jumping with my head-banging and hands swaying with the beat of the chorus.

"I need it, I need it,
I need it, I need it,
I need, I need, I need, I need it!
Until I want it,
I want it, I want it,
I want it,
I want, I want, I want, want it!
Until I need it,
I need it, I need it, I
need it -
I need it! I need it!" I belted out the chorus to the song as I kept on rocking out in my own privacy.

I loved feeling free to rock out like how I was. I had never been this energized at work, especially after feeling like I was about to pass-out on the sofa. I enjoyed letting go once in a while, whether it was out of my comfort zone, or from my daily lifestyle, or if it was a day that I spent just pigging out on junk food - this was one of those moments where I just did not give a fuck.

"I need it, I need it,
I need it, I need it,
I need, I need, I need, I need it!
Until I want it,
I want it, I want it,
I want it,
I want, I wan--"

"ALL THE WOMEN WHO ARE INDEPENDENT, THROW YOUR HANDS OUT AT ME!"

I screamed loudly, turning my body around in a panic.

"Oh come on! I thought we were crunking here!" shouted an amused Tre Cool as he was crunking as if he were Beyonce and swaying his butt around.

It took a moment before I could actually open my mouth to talk - He frightened me! "Holy shit, Tre!" I clutched my chest and felt my heart racing from the scare, "You scared me shitless!" I wasn't just frozen from being scared, but also being embarrassed - No one was suppose to see that!

I took out my ear-buds as he said, "Well, apparently you need it... and you want it... then you needed it again," he said matter-of-factly. "I thought you were screaming out some sort of matting call... then when I saw you just jumping around, I thought that was your way of 'presenting' to me that you were having a hardcore orgasm."

I rolled the wire from my ear-buds around my Ipod, still feeling my heart racing. I didn't know if I was scared more or embarrassed. It took me a moment to register into my mind what he had said. I tried not to smile or laugh, but I smirked anyway, trying to restrain the laugh.

"So you drove here..." I started, "because you could sense me calling out for you that I was ready for fertilization?"

He nodded, "Problem?" he asked blankly.

I shifted my eyes around the room amused, "Do you happen to take a liking to the Animal Network?"

"I subscribed to it, yes. It's on regularly at my house," he said, nodding enchantingly.

I nodded too, feeling his mellow mood bounce onto me. I wanted to laugh, but he had no sign of laughing himself. Although it was funny, I needed to keep a straight face to show that I could restrain my fits of laughter better than he could.

"I see..." I paused for a moment, "At least it's educational."

I wanted to laugh - but I had to fight the urge. I stared at the wall behind him, knowing I'd break if I looked at his face.

"Well, so is TLC..." he started, "I never realized how much a silly dress could cost until 'Say Yes To The Dress' started playing. Also, because of 'John and Kate Plus Eight', I've learned that I am happy just having two little farts that look like me walking around - I mean, could you imagine eight of me walking around this earth?" He lifted his eyebrows in amusement, "I'd feel sorry for Billie and Mike!"

I couldn't take it, I grinned and chuckled a tiny bit and looked back at him. He smiled too after he defeated me in our little frown-off.

"And with that said..." I raised my eyebrow at him, smiling wide, "Why are you here at eleven at night?"

He smiled at me and walked over to the sofa, grabbed the remote to the television and sat down comfortably, "Because you forgot your textbook!" he said before turning on the television.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the sofa and stood by his side, "Well, you know the reason why I had to come here, but I highly doubt you came all this way from San Fransisco to get my textbook."

He moved himself over onto the middle cushion and pulled me down on the cushion of the sofa he had previously be sitting on. I sat there for a moment before adjusting myself to sit-up more comfortably.

He didn't speak for a moment but looked in thought, "The real reason why I'm here..." he inhaled threw his nose like I had done earlier, "I never left. I fell asleep in the back room waiting for you to get off."

I stared at him confused, waiting for him to go on.

"I actually got up, realized everyone - including you - had left, and when I came in here to get ready to leave, I noticed you left your book," he paused, "I figured I know you well enough to be certain you would come back to grab your book. I didn't want to fall asleep here, so I went over to Starbucks across the street to have a coffee and to wait for you to come back."

I nodded slowly, "So I actually didn't leave the door unlocked..."

"Nope, Sherlock!" he grinned at me, "I don't have a key, so I left the door unlocked and just kept an eye on the place until I noticed you were back." He shrugged, "I noticed you arrived, but I waited a few minutes so I could finish my coffee."

I stared up at his face. He was so close to me; it was heart-racing just to feel his body heat on my arm and side of my leg.

"Why were you going to wait up for me?" I asked, looking him in the eyes with a questionable expression written on my face.

"Because you're extremely stubborn," he said with a small smile, turning his attention back to the muted television.

I blinked, looking around the room, trying to figure out this all connected to him. It wasn't until moments later that I turned back to him and said, "What?"

"You're stubborn," he repeated.

"That's not the part I don't understand-"

"I'm glad you agree that you're stubborn then."

I scrunched my eyebrows - Smartass! "No..." I thought about it slowly, "Why would you want to wait for me because I'm stubborn."

He turned his head back to look at me, "Because you think nothing bad could happen to you! I hate to tell you, but you have to let people in if you want to be protected..."

"I never said I was looking for anyone to protect--" I was starting to get defensive, until Tre cut in.

"I never said that you were looking," he said over me, "But it's late and you need to realize that there aren't good people in this world..." he paused, "It's hard to find people out there that actually care about you. Everyone you pass by on the streets at night is not going to care about you! They're either going to ignore you and let you be without a care or they're going to look at you as meat and hurt--"

"So you're scared I'm going to be attacked?" I laid it out straight to him what I knew he was trying to say.

He looked at me softly, "There's only so many times you can walk alone at night safely until karma comes around and fucks with you."

"You wanted to take me home?" I said calmly and relaxed. "Tre, I live twenty minutes away, I'm not going to be rap--"

"Yea, well, we all trust our instincts and guts - even heart - until we all get fucked over in the end!" he was getting defensive, "I use to play girls when I was younger - show them a good time to get into their pants. Until one day, I feel as if I want to actually have a relationship - maybe even marriage to someone I knew I could spend the rest of my life with..."

I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me the same story Adie did or if he was just going to get emotional and shut down.

"Until I got a piece of my own medicine... and unfortunately it hit me twice as hard..." he drifted off.

I didn't know what to say. He's opened up to me before - the first time I had met him - but not so deep like this or personal. I didn't think he'd go on into detail about his regret, but he for sure expressed that he has a broken heart and crushed hopes.

"Autumn, I think about you every night!" he blurted out quickly. I looked back up at him. "I'm scared, 'cause I know you walk the streets at night and it bugs me more than you probably think it should."

He kept looking from the wall to me repeatedly over and over again; scared to meet my gaze but wanting to see how I would react.

"I don't know why I care so much about your safety. To me, it's not a bad thing but it's not a good thing neither..." he paused, "What I mean by that is I don't like that you're alone at night - period - but also because you're like the shiniest, reddest apple at the top of the apple tree that everyone wants but are scared to get..."

I looked down at my lap, trying to follow everything he was saying.

"For years I was picking apples from the bottom of the tree, because they were easy to get and they didn't seem to shine like you do, and if I were to fall from trying to get one of the bottom apples, it wouldn't hurt as much like it would if I was climbing all the way to the top of the tree to get the most prettiest apple..." he kept his eyes on me and paused, "I guess what I'm saying, I'm scared that out of all girls I've been with, I'm much more fascinated by you, but I know if you were to hurt me, I'd be paralyzed from the fall I'd go through just trying to get you and keep you."

I turned my head over to the wall and breathed in deeply. All I could feel was my heart beating fast and rapidly. I didn't expect to hear all this. I didn't expect him to feel this way about me.

"No one has ever looked at me like you do..." he started, causing me to slightly turn my head to him. "You don't even have to tell me you don't care who I'm known to be or what I might have in my bank account, I can feel it. Autumn, you look at me like I'm a human being, and I feel like the most amazing man on this planet to know that you don't see what I use to flaunt around when I was younger and high on myself for what I had."

I didn't know how to feel about all this. I didn't want to change the friendship that we had, because he was going to be gone in a matter of months and I just knew he wasn't ready for commitment since after Wendy. I believed what he was telling me, but I didn't want him to feel the way he did because I just knew we had an expiry date.

He was going to be gone for years and I'd be living my own life in heartbreak that we had to end. I just know it!

*******

"Autumn, what the Hell?!"

I opened my eyes to the sunlight beaming on my face. I put my hand over my eyes and asked tiredly, "Where am I?"

"You're at work," said the familiar voice of Scott, "But that's not the bad thing..."

I took my hand away from my face and looked at the sights in front of me; I was slouched on the sofa with my phone in my hand. I looked at the table to see my textbook and Ipod laying the way I left them there last night.

"You know what I'm pissed about?" said Scott, causing me to turn my attention on him, "You left the fucking door unlocked!"

I blinked slowly, still adjusting to the daylight.

Was it all a dream?

I stared down at my cell phone; it showed I was in the middle of writing a text message to Sheena...

"Yea, I'm..." I had never replied back to her message from last night before I had seen Tre.

It was all a dream...

I didn't know whether to be upset or happy. I felt relieved that I didn't have to face that Tre had feelings for me, but for some reason, it still hurt.

Push those feelings aside before you get hurt!

"Did you hear me?" Scott shouted.

I blinked again, not really caring that he was angry, "Yea... I heard you." I thought about it and paused, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I swear."