Senior Slumps
Thanks?
For the next 5 months Billie Joe spent most of his time in the studio and I buried myself in random jobs, basically qualifying myself as a temp.
Whenever Billie Joe and I actually got a chance to go out together we were always approached by old friends from Gilman St. who mocked him within an inch of his life and always put him in a bad mood. We opted for staying in most nights, much to both of our demise.
But avoiding The Gilman crowd was easier than any of us expected. Billie, Mike, and Tré spent most of their days in the studio and whenever they weren't they were with their girlfriends, Me, Ana, and Tré's new fling, Lisea. We couldn't lie though, and say that it was easy to have a relationship with them recording. But we made due and always acted optimistic because optimism, we discovered, is the key to surviving youth.
*-*
"Mmmm, hey sexy," A half drunk Billie Joe came up behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
"Ugh, Bill," I laughed "You're going to make me throw up."
And it was true. Billie Joe's Mom, Ollie, had stuffed us close to bursting with the Thanksgiving dinner she had prepared. Now the whole family sat around the living room on the assorted furniture taking their respective naps, and I decided to go out and get a little air.
"The pie is starting to go around," the now green-haired rocker mentioned, unwrapping one of his arms in order to pull a cigarette out of his pocket. "It's apple."
I gave him a look. "I think I might explode." I said honestly.
Billie Joe smiled and lit up the Marlboro, taking a healthy drag before offering it to me. I accepted. So much for quitting, but I wasn't smoking nearly as much as I was before college.
After the cigarette was burned away, we returned to our original position, Billie Joe resting his head on my shoulder as we stared at the not-so-scenic backyard.
"You know what? I like doing this." He sighed, and I noticed that his eyes were closed.
"I miss doing this," I said quietly.
Billie Joe's eyes snapped open. "What are you talking about?" he asked, cocking his head.
I shrugged and turned around in his arms so that I was facing him "You're just in the studios all day, 'sall. And when you do get back early, all we do is fuck." I fiddled a little with the ring on my middle finger.
Billie Joe looked a little concerned but then laughed. "And that's a bad thing?" But his expression dropped when he saw that I wasn't laughing. "What is it, Jess?"
I bit my lip and turned away. Twilight was fading into darkness and shadows began covering the yard. "Maybe," I said, wringing my hands. "Maybe we should, you know, separate."
I didn't even have to turn around to see the look on Billie Joe's face, I could imagine it perfectly. He put a hand on my shoulder. "What? Why?"
'I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry,' "I don't know Bill," I shook my head. "With you in the studio all the time it feels like we never really get to hang out together anyway. And I don't want to be a weight keeping you from doing what you love."
"But you're not." Billie Joe stammered "Jess, You're not, you're helping."
"But eventually, I won't be helping anymore. We can still be friends Billie Joe, whatever that means to you. And I don't know, I just want to see if we can function better without each other for a while."
"You're the one who needed me," Billie Joe reminded, and I could tell by his voice that he was upset.
"I know," I said, remembering what had happened last winter, "because you were what was best for me. Now I'm telling you that what's best for you is to focus on Green Day right now. I'll be around though, you know that."
I looked to see Billie Joe for the first time. His jaw was set and he looked of mixed emotions. "Ok," he said, turning to walk inside, "Whatever."
*-*
I gave Ollie some lame excuse about visiting family so that I could get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I thought it was weird how Billie Joe didn't beg, or even get angry when I left him, like he did years before. He just accepted it, sort of.
I expected the house to be empty. My Mom was spending Thanksgiving at her friends and usually it ended at 11PM with me picking her up because she was too drunk off wine to drive herself home.
But entering the house I was greeted by my Mom's voice echoing through the corridor. "Hey, Sweetheart." She called, scaring the living crap out of me.
"Hey," I said oddly as she appeared in the living room, she was still dressed in the clothes she went out in, and surprisingly, she seemed sober.
"How was it?" she asked looking around me, "And where's Billie?"
"Oh he stayed at his Mom's," I said, not wanting to explain. "It was fine."
"Why are you home so early?"
"Mrs. Dobbins fell down the stairs halfway through the party and had to be taken to the hospital. So it ended pretty quickly." She said with a wave of her hand.
"Is she alright?" I asked, wide eyed.
My Mother thought for a second. "I don't know." She smiled. "Oh and here Honey," she handed me a letter, "This came for you yesterday."
I took the envelope and read the return address.
Woods Hole Marine Life Center
2432 Westward Street
Woods Hole Massachusetts.
'Probably just a donation request,' I thought rolling my eyes. I thrust the envelope into my back pocket and said goodnight to my Mom. Even though it was only 9:30, I needed to be alone for a while, just to think about things.
When I got into my room the first thing I did was change into pajamas. I threw my clothes toward the hamper. My jeans completely missed though, and landed somewhere behind the dresser. 'Whatever,' I thought 'They made my butt look huge anyway.'
The second I went to bed I noticed the absence of Billie Joe, and how he used to hog the whole blanket and fell asleep the second his brightly dyed head hit the pillow.
At first, I shook off the thoughts. But as the night wore on and insomnia kicked in, all I could do was cry. What had I done?
Whenever Billie Joe and I actually got a chance to go out together we were always approached by old friends from Gilman St. who mocked him within an inch of his life and always put him in a bad mood. We opted for staying in most nights, much to both of our demise.
But avoiding The Gilman crowd was easier than any of us expected. Billie, Mike, and Tré spent most of their days in the studio and whenever they weren't they were with their girlfriends, Me, Ana, and Tré's new fling, Lisea. We couldn't lie though, and say that it was easy to have a relationship with them recording. But we made due and always acted optimistic because optimism, we discovered, is the key to surviving youth.
*-*
"Mmmm, hey sexy," A half drunk Billie Joe came up behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
"Ugh, Bill," I laughed "You're going to make me throw up."
And it was true. Billie Joe's Mom, Ollie, had stuffed us close to bursting with the Thanksgiving dinner she had prepared. Now the whole family sat around the living room on the assorted furniture taking their respective naps, and I decided to go out and get a little air.
"The pie is starting to go around," the now green-haired rocker mentioned, unwrapping one of his arms in order to pull a cigarette out of his pocket. "It's apple."
I gave him a look. "I think I might explode." I said honestly.
Billie Joe smiled and lit up the Marlboro, taking a healthy drag before offering it to me. I accepted. So much for quitting, but I wasn't smoking nearly as much as I was before college.
After the cigarette was burned away, we returned to our original position, Billie Joe resting his head on my shoulder as we stared at the not-so-scenic backyard.
"You know what? I like doing this." He sighed, and I noticed that his eyes were closed.
"I miss doing this," I said quietly.
Billie Joe's eyes snapped open. "What are you talking about?" he asked, cocking his head.
I shrugged and turned around in his arms so that I was facing him "You're just in the studios all day, 'sall. And when you do get back early, all we do is fuck." I fiddled a little with the ring on my middle finger.
Billie Joe looked a little concerned but then laughed. "And that's a bad thing?" But his expression dropped when he saw that I wasn't laughing. "What is it, Jess?"
I bit my lip and turned away. Twilight was fading into darkness and shadows began covering the yard. "Maybe," I said, wringing my hands. "Maybe we should, you know, separate."
I didn't even have to turn around to see the look on Billie Joe's face, I could imagine it perfectly. He put a hand on my shoulder. "What? Why?"
'I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry,' "I don't know Bill," I shook my head. "With you in the studio all the time it feels like we never really get to hang out together anyway. And I don't want to be a weight keeping you from doing what you love."
"But you're not." Billie Joe stammered "Jess, You're not, you're helping."
"But eventually, I won't be helping anymore. We can still be friends Billie Joe, whatever that means to you. And I don't know, I just want to see if we can function better without each other for a while."
"You're the one who needed me," Billie Joe reminded, and I could tell by his voice that he was upset.
"I know," I said, remembering what had happened last winter, "because you were what was best for me. Now I'm telling you that what's best for you is to focus on Green Day right now. I'll be around though, you know that."
I looked to see Billie Joe for the first time. His jaw was set and he looked of mixed emotions. "Ok," he said, turning to walk inside, "Whatever."
*-*
I gave Ollie some lame excuse about visiting family so that I could get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I thought it was weird how Billie Joe didn't beg, or even get angry when I left him, like he did years before. He just accepted it, sort of.
I expected the house to be empty. My Mom was spending Thanksgiving at her friends and usually it ended at 11PM with me picking her up because she was too drunk off wine to drive herself home.
But entering the house I was greeted by my Mom's voice echoing through the corridor. "Hey, Sweetheart." She called, scaring the living crap out of me.
"Hey," I said oddly as she appeared in the living room, she was still dressed in the clothes she went out in, and surprisingly, she seemed sober.
"How was it?" she asked looking around me, "And where's Billie?"
"Oh he stayed at his Mom's," I said, not wanting to explain. "It was fine."
"Why are you home so early?"
"Mrs. Dobbins fell down the stairs halfway through the party and had to be taken to the hospital. So it ended pretty quickly." She said with a wave of her hand.
"Is she alright?" I asked, wide eyed.
My Mother thought for a second. "I don't know." She smiled. "Oh and here Honey," she handed me a letter, "This came for you yesterday."
I took the envelope and read the return address.
Woods Hole Marine Life Center
2432 Westward Street
Woods Hole Massachusetts.
'Probably just a donation request,' I thought rolling my eyes. I thrust the envelope into my back pocket and said goodnight to my Mom. Even though it was only 9:30, I needed to be alone for a while, just to think about things.
When I got into my room the first thing I did was change into pajamas. I threw my clothes toward the hamper. My jeans completely missed though, and landed somewhere behind the dresser. 'Whatever,' I thought 'They made my butt look huge anyway.'
The second I went to bed I noticed the absence of Billie Joe, and how he used to hog the whole blanket and fell asleep the second his brightly dyed head hit the pillow.
At first, I shook off the thoughts. But as the night wore on and insomnia kicked in, all I could do was cry. What had I done?