Care For Me Not, I'll Hurt You Too Much

That fucking voice. You knew that fucking voice so well you could recognize whose it was just by the tone, or just by a cough. You snap your head back around and think for a minute that the boy suddenly grew up. Instead, there was someone standing behind him with their hands on his shoulders. The boy still stared at you in nervous shock, but you stared only at the person behind him.

Gerard.

“Do you…do you live here?”

You don’t answer.

-
Various profanities flow restlessly through your mind as you sit with your hands folded tightly in your lap at the only armchair in your living room. Gerard and the boy you learned was Mikey sit in front of you uncomfortably on your couch. You had no idea why you allowed them to come in when Gerard asked and you now completely regretted answering that damn door.

Gerard rests an ankle across his knee as he leans back into your couch, acting completely relaxed. You stare at the dish now resting on your coffee table next to the carrots, watching it make steam rest around the edges of the glass. Mikey brought it in and just placed it on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch at Gerard’s orders. You stare at only that, and try desperately to ignore the fact that Gerard has been staring at you for the past few uncomfortably silent minutes.

A small cough nearly echoes through the house as you look up at Mikey. He looked like he didn’t want to be there a little more than you did. He looked physically uncomfortable, rigid and tight lipped, but other than that…he looked utterly annoyed.

“Gerard if you’re not going to say anything can I go back home?” Mikey suddenly speaks, turning back to his brother as you stare back down at the dish steaming on the coffee table.

“Shut up.” Gerard says quickly, causing you to look up at him. He was still staring at you, but behind his concentration on you, you also saw that he was annoyed as well.

Great, now you’re annoying them…and you’re not even doing anything.

“So…is your family here?” Gerard suddenly asks, probably after his brother’s prompting. He sounded nervous and apprehensive and he bites his bottom lip lightly.

You shake your head. “No.”

You feel stupid for feeling completely nervous around Gerard. You were supposed to have adjusted to him and you were supposed to be able to let him in. But just because you could let Gerard in doesn’t mean that you could let Mikey in as easily. Also the fact that he was now sitting in your house when you never wanted him to step foot in or near it…ever.

No one says anything so you decide to continue, trying to look only at Gerard and convince yourself that he was the only person in the room with you.

“My dad’s at work.”

You can literally see relief spread over Gerard’s face as he visibly relaxes from his previously stiff posture.

“Really?” he continues.

“Yeah.” You say, staring at his feet.

“So…” there was a semi-long pause as you believed he tried to think of something to say. “you’re all alone?”

Mikey scoffs.

You look up at the younger boy and see that he has relaxed a little too, but the lack of nervousness was replaced with even more annoyance. You hear him mumble something that sounded a lot like “my older brother is a douche.” Before you replied to Gerard.

“Yeah.” You look away from the younger boy before he turns his head and catches your gaze.

You see Gerard staring at you again, a small smile playing across his lips as he asks “Are you doing anything?”

“No.” you respond immediately, catching Mikey’s not-so-subtle “obviously” whispered under his breath shortly after.

You jump slightly when Gerard’s hand quickly comes around and smacks Mikey’s arm lightly with the back of his palm. Mikey immediately reaches for his arm and glares at Gerard while still keeping the utterly annoyed look on his face. Gerard shoots him a small threatening glare before turning back to you and smiling weakly after realizing you watched the whole thing.

The uncomfortable silence comes back again. Mikey starts drumming his fingers impatiently on his bony knee in an unknown beat. You can’t help but notice how he looks all around your house, glaring at everything as if it were inaudibly mocking him. During that time, you can only think of one work. Inconsiderate.

The fact that he seems to be judging everything around you shouldn’t have bothered you, except these were things that you grew up with and called your own. You couldn’t block out the feelings of annoyance and hatred that you were receiving from him. It made you feel as if even just existing this close to him was affecting him, and by being here he was catching some disgusting disease.

You remember Gerard saying something before about him being a few years younger than the two of you, marking him around fourteen or fifteen. You knew that with teenagers at that age, they had massive uncontrollable mood swings that made them think that they knew everything and they were on top of the world. Knowing this, you knew that you shouldn’t be bothered by the looks Mikey was giving your furniture. But just knowing this didn’t change the fact that you were indeed bothered by it. After all, he was Gerard’s brother and probably very close to him. Gerard probably held him in a very high opinion and cherished him like you remember doing once. Gerard was probably going to talk to Mikey about you later, and Mikey was more than likely going to say something bad about you then…poof…no more Gerard.

You hated that.

“Do you wanna come over?”

The question caught you off guard and you immediately looked back up at Gerard to see an anxious look on his face. The snap of Mikey’s head in his direction caused you to look back at the younger boy. His face gave you your answer before you realized it.

“No…” you decided to add something so you don’t seem impolite. “thanks.”

You stared at Mikey’s look that said only “What the hell are you doing?” for a couple seconds longer before turning back to glance at Gerard. He seemed confused as he stared at you.

“It’s not like you haven’t been there before.” He says, prompting you to change your mind.

But Mikey’s expression hadn’t changed. “No.”

You see Gerard look at you, before glancing over at his younger brother, who by now turned away just looking pissed off. “Oh….”

“Well, we brought this over for you.” He seemed to be stressing the “we” part and you saw Mikey sit there, unchanging. “My mom told us to actually.” Gerard continues.

You look at him, interested. Why would his mom send this over? How does she know where you live?

“She got really excited actually. She told us last night that she saw someone walking into the house next door and immediately started planning to send us over with something.”—he chuckles—“she wanted to send food because she said they looked thin.”

He smiles at you, his eyes lighting up a little as he stares at you. This brings a small smile to your lips. You immediately turn away and feel your cheeks tinge pink from the sudden heat.

“Except she sent roasted chicken.” He says, sounding a little upset.

You look back up at him and he’s staring at the dish on the table. “I guess I’ll just put it in the fridge for your dad when he gets back since you don’t eat meat.”

Before you can protest he uncrosses his legs and stands. He grabs the dish and walks over to the kitchen. You panic slightly, remembering your bloody sheets still sitting unwashed in front of the washer next to the kitchen. You’re ready to get up and run into the kitchen when you hear the door close and his footsteps coming back already.

Mikey’s voice breaks you out of your worry. “What kind of person doesn’t eat meat?”

You expected him to be looking completely annoyed and looking in some other direction talking to himself. Instead he was looking completely annoyed and looking right at you. You had no time to react, or even begin to get offended when you suddenly hear Gerard’s voice come out from the hallway.

“Mikey!” he scolds.

Mikey simply scoffs and crosses his arms while sitting back and rolling his eyes all in the same motion. How can this boy be related to Gerard?

“Where does your dad work?” Gerard asks, relatively closer this time.

You look up and spot him looking at a very old family portrait hanging in the hallway that has seen too many fights for the three children in that photo to still be smiling.

“Connecticut.” You say, looking down and away from Gerard’s slight smile in response to the picture in the hall.

“He goes there every day?” Mikey’s voice rings out surprised.

You look back at him and nod your head. He must have forgotten that he’s supposed to be annoyed with you.

“Doing what?” Gerard asks, standing behind Mikey at the couch.

This question causes your mind to reel. Whatdid your dad do?

You shrug your shoulders in response.

“You mean you don’t know?” Mikey asks again, regaining his previous attitude.

You shake your head. “He’s never here.”

He stares at you, his expression unchanging. “So you’re home alone all the time?” He asks.

You expect more scoffing and annoyance directed at you after this, so you tread lightly. “Yes.” Simple answers can’t do any harm.

“Cool.” He sits back, smiling lightly.

You stare at him, confused as all hell.

Gerard walks around the back of the couch heading towards the door. He checks the small watch he wore on his wrist before running a hand through his hair again.

“Well we better get back.” Gerard says.

Before he even finishes, Mikey’s off the couch and heading for the door. Gerard catches him by the shoulder before he can make it all the way out the door. You stand and follow them out, stopping in your doorway. They walk onto your porch and it creaks horribly under their weight. At that moment you feared it was going to break.

“Well I’ll just tell my mom not to make the pot roast to send over.” Gerard smiles.

You smile back and Mikey shifts his weight from foot to foot restlessly. You believed the only reason he was still standing there was because Gerard still held a firm grip on his shoulder.

“Bye Ken.” Gerard says. Mikey immediately begins to walk away.

Gerard yanks him back before he goes a foot and turns him to face you while forcefully saying “Say goodbye.”

“Bye.” Rushed. Unenthusiastic. Teenage boys….

They turn and walk away across the lawn back toward their house. As your closing the door you hear Mikey speak again.

“Your girlfriend is really weird.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Gerard says quickly.

You sigh at his tone. You weren’t expecting anything, and you would have denied it too, but that wasn’t what hurt. What hurt was the fact that that was the only thing he denied…that you were weird was still up in the air.

You close the door and turn back on the TV.

Now he knows where you live.