Janice No More

I looked into the mirror that Skylar provided, so I could see my new hair-do.

"I love it," I said with no enthusiasm. I did like the black streaks he put under my blonde hair, it's just I'm not really for being happy today.

"Come on, Alice. Give me a bit more enthusiasm. You are my best friend. You can be a little nicer," He turned the chair to around so I could face him.

"I know Skylar. It's just... today is the anniversary of... you know," I tried to look past his very emo hairstyle that covered most of his eyes and forehead. Speaking of his eyes, it seems that he has put on a lot more eyeliner then usual.

"Oh, I know. But that was so long ago. You have to get over it, cutie. A hundred years is a long time to wallow in sadness and guilt," He said this so comforting. If he wasn't dating what's-her-face, I'd go out with him.

I got up and stopped at the bigger mirror. I looked much paler than I did two years ago. I've changed a lot. I wear heavy duty mascara and eyeliner all the time and a nose ring stud with a lip ring to match, but I took out the lip ring before the haircut. I don't really wear it that much.

After that incident at school, my mother and father moved me with them to Chicago promising anything I want to "get me through this awful experience". I held them to it. The memory never went away. It still lay burned into my memory unmovable. I changed my name to Alice because I felt that Janice actually did die at that shooting. I wasn't her. Not anymore. She was long gone in hell with her friends and boyfriend. She now curses me with her memory like an angry ghost who wanted revenge.

"You look gorgeous!" He yelled as he messed with my hair. I couldn't help but smile. He was very good at cheering me up.

I turned around and caught his hands as I dragged him out the door. We were only in his bathroom, not at some fancy rip-off salon. We hurried out the door when his father's snore stopped. He was sleeping on the couch because he and Karen have been having some problems.

It started snowing as soon as we got outside and it was cold!

"Damn, it's cold," Skylar chattered through his gritting teeth. He hurried in and got our coats. I put on my black wool coat and put on my gloves. I rubbed my hands together to build enough friction for heat. I was too cold. I grabbed Skylar's hand trying to have his warm touch, but he was just as cold as I was. I let go and kept rubbing my hands. We kept walking until we could find a cab.

While we were waiting at the bus stop, unwillingly, I heard some kids behind me having a snowball fight. I watched them for a while admiring how they were so innocent...so unlike myself. Their faces were turning a light pink from the cold. They were laughing, smiling, enjoying themselves, while they can. I don't even remember the last time I was really happy. I felt the chilly wind of the cars as they drove by. Waiting for the bus is torture. I saw a cab down the street. I grabbed Skylar by the collar as I ran to the cab. Finally luck is on my side. Luckily they were at a stop sign, so we could get there in time. I pulled a twenty out of my pocket when we got inside the ugly yellow cab. The cab driver was an overweight fifty year old looking man with little hair on his head and dressed in tourist-like shirt with khaki shorts. Why would he be dressed in such a way? It has to be under forty degrees outside. His head was turned to the right.

"Where to-," He turned and I saw his familiar face. Felix,"Oh, hi Alice. Skylar. Where you off to?" His gruff New York accent was so familiar.

"The mall, Felix."

"All righty," As soon as the light turned green he started charging us. I watched the machine carefully since we only had so much cash. We sat in the cab with the usual awkward silence everyone experiences.

"So, how are your parents?"

I looked away from my window and saw his eyes looking into the rearveiw mirror."I don't know, Felix. You know I don't talk to them much."

"Oh," He looked away from the rearview mirror and toward the road. It was only February the first and people were already giving candy to their valentine. We passed a lot of happy couples. I felt a burning sensation under my skin. I rubbed my right arm. The new cuts were starting to sting. Skylar turned to me and examined my hand against my arm.

"Alice," He said irritated, yet still worried in a low tone.

"What?" I looked away from him and stopped rubbing my arm even though it stung. It was hard to leave it alone. Why did I even do it? Because you want to die but still live. You want to hurt yourself. My consience, a.k.a Janice, answered. I shook my head ignoring her voice.

"We're here," Felix said quietly.

I looked out the foggy window and saw the full parking lot of the mall and the mall itself. Skylar got out ahead of me. I tossed the twenty to Felix and hurried out to join Skylar.

"See 'ya later, Felix!" I yelled to him.

"Good luck, kid." I think that's what he said. I couldn't hear over the honking.

I was at Skylar's side before he left me. I had to run to keep up. We both entered the warm and toasty mall. I took off the coat and held it in my arms as we stepped onto the escalator. We were right behind a bunch of preps from school.

Our school was full of the typical types of people. Here the jocks and cheerleaders were all bark but no bite. I'm all both. They don't know that yet. If they bother me or Skylar they'll found out. At school... they're so much worse.

"Hey, guys look who it is. The emo goths who always want to die an talk about ways to kill themselves and cut their wrists." They all started laughing at his pathetic excuse of an insult as he imitated cutting his wrists. 'Emo goths?' Please.

I laughed and Skylar joined. Why do we have to go to school with such dumbass people?

They stopped."What's so funny?" The first brunette whore asked rubbing her hands against her short blck mini skirt and almost see-through shirt.

"Emo goths? Come on. That's pathetic. Why not 'Hey emo, cut yourself lately?' or 'Hey, fag, why are you wearing clothes that belong to fags like you? You fuckers are dumb as rocks," Skylar commented still laughing.

"Yeah, seriously. you should have come up with something that would actually hurt our feelings. I know you are stupid, but do you have to be that stupid?"

The girls looked at each other with puzzled expressions as the guys scratched their heads

"God, they are dumb! They probably weren't even able to listen long enough to pay attention." Skylar insulted.

The girls started whimpering.

"Oh, did I hurt your wittle feelings?" Skylar said in a little baby voice different from his averagely deep voice.

We reached the top of the escalator by that point. Skylar and I walked by them hearing scowls and curses under their breath. I chuckled and headed to the new Hot Topic store a few feet away. He went to the boys section to find some skinny jeans that we could share since we didn't have a lot of money with us.

"Damn! They really raised the prices on these jeans." He said loud enough for me to hear on the other side of the small room.

"Hell, yeah! The economy sucks remember. Even worse than the Great Depression the news people say. Apparently we'll have to spend, spend, spend to get it fixed or that bail-out plan the idiot President Bush cooked up." I was too busy looking past the thirty dollar necklace and earring set to really say anything else. We could talk freely like this because we were the only people besides the cashier and manager here.

"Wow. That does suck," He was behind me with a couple of outfits already in his hands.

"You already done?" He nodded."Go try on the first outifit." I said simply

He left slowly to the small chlostrephobic dressing room. As I grabbed a couple pairs of long sleeve shirts I started thinking of Skylar. What would it be like if we did date? I've been thinking about that for a while now. I just can't leave the questions alone. What if we kissed? If we were together? He came out and showed me the black skinny jeans and black vest over a white T-shirt. It was a hot look. Especially since he didn't have any scars on his arm.

"How do you like this?" He said modeling vogue.

I came closer and he looked confused. He wasn't sure whether to back away or lean closer. I was close enough to his lips to kiss him with mine. But I started backing away. My curiosity was getting ahead of itself. He stopped me. He put his arms around me slowly and kissed me. I kissed back because it felt so right. He didn't stop it either. I dropped the clothes in my hand and wrapped my arms around his neck. My tongue reached into his throat playing with his as we we began making out in public. In a Hot Topic for goodness sake! If I wanted I would start tearing his clothes off right now. Instead I stopped kissing him. I pulled away even though he continued kising my neck letting his tongue trace over the hickey he left.

"Wait," I said barely pushing his body away. My voice was as weak as my will."We can't. You're dating what's-her-face. I'd love to make out with you for hours and hours, but I can't do that to her even though I hate her for having you." I said this a little louder with barely any force behind it.

He dropped his hands with a defeated look on his face and bent over to pick up my clothes that I dropped. This was going to be a little awkward especially since the people that walked by were staring. I could have sworn I saw someone with a camera. I tried not to blush. I picked up some of it and put it on the counter. Well, at least now I know he's a good kisser.

The rest of the two hours we spent for trying on clothes were quiet. I didn't like it being so awkward between us. As soon as we got outside to a cab I saw an image of Gage's blown off head in my vision as we started putting the bags in trunks. I fell to my knees and started crying. I kept seeing this visions and nothing else. Who is doing this to me? The images kept coming back. Everyone's dead bodies surrounding me. What is happening to me? This hasn't happened in over two years. I'm seventeen. I can't be crazy, can I? Skylar shook my shoulders asking if I was okay and what was wrong. I couldn't answer. I couldn't stop crying. He picked me up and carried me to a soft seat of a cab or car I would guess. I couldn't see anything. It was like I was blind. I could smell the blood and aroma of the dead bodies. I almost wanted to drink from their wounds. Why would I want that? Someone has control over me. Someone is doing this to me.

For a split second I saw a pair of lips from a woman with sharp teeth that was chanting some nonsense. I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed.

"STOP!" All of a sudden I could see everything again. I saw Skylar next to me with his arm around me leaning his head on mine. Was that a dream? Did I scream out loud or in my head? I don't understand.

What's happening to me?

I didn't move or try. I stayed in Skylar's arms with his hair falling on my head and face trying to wipe the tears falling down my face. I smiled then frowned as I saw the vision again. In my head I screamed stop again and it stopped. Someone is doing this. And I will find out who.

* * *

As soon as Skylar and I got to my house I tried to convince him what I saw was real, but he wouldn't listen.

"You were just dreaming. Don't make a big deal of it." Skylar protested as we walked through my vacant house up to my room.

"It wasn't a dream. Why can't you believe me?" I said as I turned back to him still trying to remember anything significant about the woman in my vision to see if anything reminds me of something.

"Because you're probably just reacting to the fact it's the anniversary of that shooting." He proposed.

"I'm not! If I was, it would have happened last year, too. It didn't happen that time. Why now?" I questioned. I didn't even know the answer. Skylar closed my door behind him as we entered my now black and purple striped room. It used to be just purple back when we first moved here. The room was a little messy with all my Cds scattered around my stereo, clothes hanging at the end of my bed, and computer chair with the bag of new clothes I draped over the chair. I took off my thick wool coat and hung it on my coat rack in the closet. The black silk comforter on my bed was over a hideous hot pink under the silk.

"I don't know. Maybe you're just naturally fucked up." He retorted.

I was about to speak, but my jaw was left open at a loss for words. I haven't always been this way. I used to be a good person. The shooting fucked me up. I turned away from him hiding my hurt face wrapping my arms around my body. I didn't like to show weakness, but I had a habit of doing it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." He did mean it. He just won't admit it. I kept looking toward the wall. I felt arms wrap around my waist. I put my arms on his while he leaned his head on my shoulder."I'm so sorry. Just because I don't believe you now, doesn't mean you won't be able to prove it to me." He kissed my cheek. We stayed in this position for a few minutes. I didn't want to escape this embrace.

My cell phone started ringing with the ringtone of Down Under by Evanescenece. He tried to let go of my waist, but I held on tightly to his arms. He chuckled lightly. I used one arm to grab the phone.

"Hello?" I said giggling as Skylar started kissing my neck.

"Hey, Alice. Is Skylar with you? It's Rachel." She responded.

Oh, yeah his girlfriend. I forgot about her for a minute-okay a few hours. I stopped giggling and handed the phone to Skylar. I could hear the conversation.

"Hello?" He said still smiling.

"Hey, Skylar. It's Rachel." She sounded like she was trying to be seductive when her high pitched voice just sounded annoying. Skylar's face froze just as mine did when I answered.

Skylar let go of me and went to sit down on a small black swing-like chair I have bolted to the ceiling. I stayed there eying him carefully.

"Oh, hey....No it's not a bad time, just hanging out with Alice." More like making out. He got up and walked into the bathroom. I put my ear to the wall a few minutes later." Don't cry." I heard. Why the hell is she crying?

"Okay, see 'ya tomorrow." He said as he walked to the door. I backed away before he could notice I was there.

"Why is she crying?" I asked.

"You eavesdropper." He laughed,"Well, her dad was killed a few hours ago. They say it was by some kind of animal."

"An animal? How can you get killed by some kind of animal when you live in a city?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly after letting out a soft sigh. He walked over to the stereo and put in some My Chemical Romance. He turned it to Teenagers just before he unwillingly went to the bed, so we could start our Trig homework.

* * *

After a few hours of hanging out with Skylar doing nothing after finishing our homework, he had to leave before my parents got home, but as soon as I fell asleep around two a.m. someone was knocking on my window. Must be Skylar,I thought. I got up lazily, and pulled the curtain up. It wasn't Skylar. It was that woman in my vision and others that looked just as evil as she. I jumped back and fell to the floor. I was sitting there on the ground breathing heavily in my black and purple skull shorts and tank top. I was leaning back on my arms ready to crawl backward if needed. The curtains fell back on the window.

After a few moments of anticipation for death with them not doing anything, I thought they must have left. I got up trying to control my breathing as I walked slowly to the window. I waited at the curtain for a few seconds trying to build enough courage to pull the curtains out of the way. I couldn't take it. I pulled the curtains down and saw nothing outside my window except the leaf-less tree and the heavy snow falling. I let out a big sigh of relief and walked back to my bed. I pulled the black silk over my body as I felt a slight chill in the air. I lied there for hours eying the window. At five a.m. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. They closed immediately and I drifted into my dream.