Janice No More

She messed her way into my dreams, too. I was having a sweet and cute little dream at first. I was in a field under a tree on top of a thick burgundy blanket with a baby cooing. I was lying on my back staring at the sky as the baby giggled. I turned over on my side and looked at the baby. The baby was so beautiful, so young and innocent like those kids were in the park so long ago. The baby simply smiled and cooed at me as I brushed my fingers across its forehead.

"You're so beautiful. You're mine," I whispered. It laughed and I laughed with the baby.

My back went rigid all of a sudden. Something was wrong. I got on my knees and picked up the baby in my arms holding it while I looked around. I had to keep this baby safe. I just hadto. There wasn't an answer to why, it was a necessity I guess it was a motherly instinct. I gazed at the baby once more and realized that it was my baby. Same green eyes, but the hair looked brown or black; I couldn't quite tell. Where was the father? I looked around again. I saw nothing but rolling hills on the horizon. The baby started to cry.

I shushed her. "You have to be quiet." I brought my left hand to brush her face, to calm her, but I saw a ring on my marriage finger. Whose was it? Mine? Than whose my husband? My head started to hurt. It felt like someone was hitting my nerves with a sledgehammer. I let out a scream trying not to let go of the baby. I held back the screams of pain while I tried to calm her. I couldn't. I set her down on the blanket as I screamed into the blanket. It hurt so much. My tears stained the blanket.

I went rigid again and I crawled over to the baby holding it. The sky had become a deep red orange as if it was time for sunset. I hugged her a little tighter against me. Something came into view. Some weird blur came in front of me. A purple cloud like thing blurred in front of my eyes. My eyes widened slightly and my mouth cringed into a small smile as I saw what was coming out. A sword materialized in my right hand while I held the now sleeping baby in my left. I had to do this quietly.

Kareptons sped out of the portal toward me. All the motivation I needed was keeping the baby safe. I was ready.

They surprised me. They just stood from a distance, but they still kept their eyes locked on me. I was confused. I still was ready. There were eight Kareptons on each side of the portal. The portal began to shrivel. Someone was coming through. I brought my eyes back down to the baby's face. It was still, unbelievably, sleeping despite the growls from the angry Kareptons. Three men with black bags over their face and hands chained from the front came out of the portal, unwillingly. I stared waiting for answers. Another man came through holding a large sword that looked like it belonged to a dragon or something. A blood red hilt.

My eyebrow arched as I examined the man. He wasn't a Karepton, but if he was, he must have taken the shape of a human or what he used to be, unless he was always a Karepton. He wore a mask only letting his eyes and mouth be seen. The rest of his body was covered.

"Who are you?" I asked with no fear in my voice. Only because I was trying hard to not show fear.

"I know you, you know me. Don't pretend you don't." His voice sounded demonic.

"Maybe if you showed me who you really are and used your actual voice, I might figure out how I know you." I said letting the baby grab onto my shirt. I didn't acknowledge that the baby awoke.

"Katherine! Don't listen to anything he says!" Skylar's voice exclaimed. It came from one of the men with bagged heads.

"Skylar?" I questioned.

"And your other lovers." The man smiled.

My heart nearly collapsed when I realized what he was going to do. My eyes widened.

"Please. Don't hurt them." I said near tears.

"I guess, you're not as tough as you thought. That's why I try not to love. It only becomes a weakness." The demonic voice quoted.

My bottom lip began to tremble. "Sometimes it's worth it... to be with the one you love. No matter what the next day brings."

The left corner of his mouth turned up slightly. Slowly he walked by the men I loved and took off the mask of each. They were cut up and bruised. I was in enough pain to kill me. I just can't take it. Not much longer. The headache was gone, but this was so much worse.

"I said you'll have to choose one day, so this dream is a little practice. I will kill all of them right now and see which one gives you the most pain inside."

"First," I interrupted. "Why do I have a baby and a wedding ring?"

"It belongs to whoever you love most. The one that gives you the most pain inside. Which one would kill you to see dead?" He said simply.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried.

"Because I have to." he whispered. "So you can see who you are meant to be with. They are not really dying. Just pretend they are. You will only get one and you will lose two others. One will die. The other to another woman. It just depends on who you choose. Don't you see that I am trying to help you."

"It's hard to." I glared at him.

"Katherine? Katherine? Wake up." Eric said.

"Oh, darn." The man said sarcastically. "I guess we'll have to pick this up later."

"Do I have to leave the baby here with you?" I looked down at the baby. I didn't want the baby being hurt by him.

"No. Because it isn't real."

In that instant, the baby was gone and everything was black.

My eyes flashed open and I felt hot and sweaty. I saw Eric standing over me beside the bed with Roland and Skylar. Dammit! Why am I so special and I have to be in love with everyone? I closed my eyes and wiped my hand over my brow.

"Are you okay, Katherine?" Eric asked concerned. I let out a groan and lifted my head off the mattress sitting on the edge ready to get off the bed, but I couldn't. I was too tired and I felt restless.

"I just feel fucking agitated." I rested my elbows against my knees and brushed my hands through my hair. I could still feel that Karepton in my mind. He can change form into anything. It will definitely be dangerous.

"Why?" Skyar asked.

"Because I think the leader of the Kareptons wanted a little chat with me. At least I think he's the leader." I let out a sigh thinking of that beautiful baby.

"He talked to you?" Roland asked nervously. He has never shown his nervousness.

"Yeah." I answered.

"About what?" he questioned.

"Um..." I let out a deep sigh. I can't tell them. I'll lie. "He just bothered me. He took form of me. He can change his form into any person. He's deadly." I warned.

Roland considered this for a few moments.

"Why doesn't he just kill us now? Why all these little games?" I asked.

"Well, if I know my friend right, he loves to play games, and now he's playing with you. He must like you a lot. Or he wants you dead." Roland said.

"I think it's the dead part." Skylar joked. Eric and Roland glared at him. "What? It probably is. I'm sorry for being blunt, but it's true. I mean, you are destined to kill the race after all." He sure did know how to be blunt. I looked away from him and back to the shiny, polished, wooden floor.
I slowly stood up from the bed and put on a pained smile.

"Okay, where is the bathroom? I need to take a shower." I asked.

Roland pointed to the door in the far right. As soon as I passed them my smile faded into a large near tears frown. The door closed with a silent thud behind me. I let out a depressed sigh and started to tear off my clothes as I stepped over to the shower. I stepped into the shower naked trying not to let tears hurt my eyes. Before I turned the faucet I grabbed a damp washcloth and wiped away the eyeliner and mascara. It stayed off, too.

The warm water fell against my forehead and into my hair. I combed my finger through my hair letting the water fall onto my back soothing my sore muscles and relaxing some of my fears. This shower made me feel less agitated. I leaned my face forward against the wall letting the water only hit my back. I felt saddened missing that baby in my dream. The sadness I felt made me feel... weird. Maternal even. I'm getting older and wiser by the minute. Maybe that's how it works in this world. Maybe once vampires have babies they don't have to go back to fifteen. That's probably how it works. I lifted my head up and squeezed some of shampoo onto my right palm then rubbing hard into my scalp while the water ran on my hands and through my hair.

"I'm not ready for a baby. Right?" I asked myself in a whisper through the water trailing down my face falling down my trembling lips. A part of me wanted a baby, but the other part of me, the selfish side, didn't want one until it was convenient. I hated that selfish part of me.

I closed my eyes letting the remnants of the shampoo get washed away. I turned the faucet watching the water slow its speed from the shower head until it stopped completely. I grabbed the towel hanging over the curtain and wrapped it around my body stepping onto a soft towel on the white tile next to the shower. I stood for a moment shivering feeling goosebumps form on my arms. I pulled my damp tangled hair onto my shoulders feeling drops of water fall slowly down my chest and my back.

I grabbed another towel and squeezed my hair against the towel drying and rinsing out most of my hair. Afterwards, I threw the towel on the side of the sink and searched through my duffel bag that was left by the door by one of the guys for an outfit and my hair-dryer.

I found the hair dryer first and set it by on the edge of the sink while I searched for something to wear. I found a grey tank top and jeans along with underwear and a bra. I left them beside the bag while I turned back to the sink. While the small machine blew hot air into my nearly dry hair I combed through it with my fingers since I didn't want to look for my brush that I probably left on the plane. After I was fully dried, I pulled off my towel leaving myself bare naked while I walked to the pile of clothes I left out. I put on the purple underwear and white bra swiftly and nearly screamed when I heard an unexpected knock on the door. The tank top was in my hands. I held it against my chest.

"What?" I asked.

"Katherine, we need to meet with the council." Skylar answered barely cracking the door with myself on the other side.

"Right now?" I asked, almost whiny.

"Sorry. Just hurry. Roland and Eric went ahead. I had to chase Eric out, though." he chuckled. I let out a small laugh.

"Hang on." I said pulling the tank top over my head. I reached down and picked up the pair of light blue jeans. Before I buttoned the jeans I used on of the large rubber bands on my right wrist and pulled my smooth hair into a ponytail letting my bangs hang in my face. After my jeans were on I slipped on a pair of shoes and hurried out the door bumping into Skylar.

"Whoa." he said quietly as he steadied me. "You okay?" he asked. He looked into my eyes as he said this. I nodded. "You're not wearing eyeliner?" he quoted incredulous.

"Yeah. It looks like you aren't either. I guess being vampires are changing us." I said.

"Probably for the better." he added. His hands were still gripped on my arms. I was still being held by him. I would have loved to stay in this embrace, but we had a meeting and I didn't want to get his hopes up if I didn't pick him. But what if I do? I closed my eyes and leaned my lips to his. Our lips touched. It felt right, but it felt wrong, too. My eyebrows furrowed together as I continued kissing him. This was getting complicated. First time I kissed him, it felt right, now it feels wrong. What is with my stupid brain? I stopped kissing him and opened my eyes. He wasn't expecting it. He probably knows whats coming next.

Now for the heart breaking. I looked down.

"I'm sorry. I thought you wanted to." he apologized.

"Don't apologize." I said still not looking at him. This was going to hurt both of us. "I-I don't think..." I let out a sigh trying to continue.

"Don't think what?" he asked using his index finger to lift my chin up.

I pushed it away. I took a deep breath. "Us." I said strained. I didn't want to do this.

I could feel his eyes burning into my face while I looked down.

"Look at me, Katherine." he commanded. I brought my face up and saw hurt in his eyes. I tried to turn my head, but he locked my face between his two hands that were gripped with his hands. There was no way I wouldn't be able to see and feel his hurt. "What do you mean?" his voice started to break. My eyes were blurry with tears.

"I mean..." I sighed. "I don't want to hurt you." I took a deep breath and wiped away a single stray tear flowing down my cheek. "But I don't think... Okay, I love you. I really do, but I think... I love one of them more." I let out a gasp as more tears escaped. He stood, staring at me dumbfounded. He was hurting just like I was. I closed my eyes then. "I'm sorry." I apologized. My voice sounded strange, strangled. I dragged my eyes immediately down to the floor trying to toughen up and swallow my tears back to walk out of the room.

"And you had to say this now?" he asked sarcastically. He was trying to brighten up the mood between us like always. We could still be friends, of course. That sounds like something girls say in movies, so I decide to keep my mouth shut about that.

I chuckled. "Sooner rather than later. Right?" I said wiping the tears off my cheeks before they reached my shirt.

He laughed.

"Maybe we should go." I suggested when I felt a little better. He nodded with a smile.

As we walked, I had a thought.

"You know, Skylar, I think Priscilla likes you." I said.

"I know she does. She's sweet and beautiful." I had a small pang of jealousy, but got over it. Knowing he'd be happy with her made it stop. I smiled.

"You should ask her out. It's not like we're going to attack the Kareptons any time soon. It will take a while. Who knows? You could be meant for each other." I smiled nudging his arm with my elbow as we made our way down th stairs to the open secret entrance. The foyer was empty except a few vampires roaming through the room. I guess they were the guards. I knew for sure there were probably a lot more around here.

He grinned, if he could've blushed, he would."Yeah. Maybe."

I nodded hopeful. We strode through the tunnel letting the voices of the council and the glow of the torches lead us. Then a voice spoke.

"Good job, Katherine. You were able to let one go. Impressive. Now only two remain. One is dead meat, no matter what, but what about the other? Which will be dead and which will survive?" The demonic voice in my head asked. I felt a small pain in my head. It was in the same place like in my dream. My head. Only half the pain. I fell to my knees holding my hands up to my temples. I didn't scream, but I wanted to.

"Katherine! Are you okay?" Skylar yelped. We were right at the door. The door burst open with, obviously, Eric and Roland. I shut my eyes and tried to relax. I gripped Skylar's shoulder bringing myself up.

"I'm okay. Just a... very painful headache." I rubbed the back of my hand to my forehead and stood straight showing no pain as it dulled. I smiled showing my teeth as I walked by them. Priscilla stood staring at me with a small smile forming at her lips. She knew why, but didn't say anything. She was in a pair of dark jeans and a fitted formal lavender silk blouse. Everyone else was in something similar; wearing formal clothing. I suddenly felt under dressed.

"Now, we have some... unnecessary decision making to get to." Roland quoted through clenched teeth. I went by Priscilla's side leaving Eric and Skylar to go to their seat while Priscilla and I stood.

"What does he mean?" I whispered barely audible.

"Sit down. He'll explain." she whispered just as inaudible. She led us to our seats. We sat down than Roland continued. She seemed much more polite than last time we were at our throats. Despite the small minute of hate we had for each other, I thought we could probably be good friends. Best friends, even.

"I understand that Mr. Kale wants to say or should I say... advise our decisions on want is to happen in the future or what still lays as unknown." Roland mused. He had irritation clear in his tone while he glared at his fellow council members.

Skylar was off in a corner with Eric. He looked like he was sulking, but then -while Eric's lips moved up and down- he had a sudden look of realization cross his face. He looked away from whatever he was staring at and looked to the back of Priscilla's head at her long slick black hair. He noticed my eyes on his face and felt a sudden twinge of guilt. I gave him a small smile that I hope showed him that he shouldn't feel guilty. He smiled curving only one side of his face in embarrassment. I turned back after returning Eric a smile while he gave me one. Skyalr probably told him with heavy sarcasm about me breaking his heart, unless he was too proud too admit it than Eric would have figured it out.

"Gregory." Roland added with a questioning sound to them. "Are you not going to say what you wanted? If you are too cowardly to, than please keep your mouth shut." His normal jackass attitude seeped into his words making me giggle. Priscilla nudged me with her elbow as if I had offended someone or been rude.

I quieted. The man I guess was Mr. Kale stood shakily. I remembered him. The old man from yesterday.

He was nervous and, obviously, afraid to do anything. But he straightened his exposure into a handsome serene mask and brought his eyes around to the council members and me.

"As we saw last night," he started with a little anger. He was miffed that I tried to kill him last night. I would be, too. "Katherine," He wasn't willing to be proper and call me Miss Sinclair like everyone was. "is unstable. She could ki-" Roland held his eyes with a dangerous composure.

"Get on with it!" Roland whispered impatiently, yet still sounding like a scream.

"Anyway," Gregory continued. "I just don't think she is the safest way. She could be the beautiful woman in the destiny, but the prophet was rambling when they recorded what he was saying. And he was dying from a seizure. He painted the painting when he was declared insane a week before. Do you really think it was very accurate?" he snubbed. I felt a sting of truth that could be in this make me feel instantly, unwanted.

I looked down to the table. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Eric behind me. He could feel my sadness from my slump into my seat and the sigh I tried to suppress. I nodded and he backed away a few steps, but I could still feel him behind me, watching me.

Eric was the sweetest, smartest, sexiest, and strongest guy I have ever loved that has loved me back. I felt guilty and I felt like a whore and a slut. I had three great guys and now have two who were amazingly brilliant and could get anyone they wanted, but instead chose me. I stopped thinking fearing I would cry if I started on Roland's qualities.

Priscilla reached her right arm across the small space between us and rubbed my arm trying to soothe me. I had forgotten she read minds. I smiled tentatively then brought my eyes back to Gregory who I decided, due to my irritation with him, to nickname asshole because of his feelings and questions of my 'existence'.

Some council members were murmuring in agreement still.

I let out a hard laugh and unbelievingly felt the need to scream at them and break their necks. I knew the neck part was the demonic voice trying to convince me to do as he thought right. I wouldn't have minded to let my anger out on them by screaming, but I want to show them I am stable enough to deal with anger and supress violence. I really used to despise violence back a few weeks after the shooting. We were about to move to Chicago and it my last day at that school that gave me nightmares for so many months. Sometimes it still did. Everyone at school that survived gave me the most apologies. I thought I didn't deserve them. What had I been or done? I was just a traumatized fifteen year old. There were plenty in the world. I wasn't unique... At least I thought I wasn't.

I tried to focus on the meeting and get out of thought, but it was such an emotional memory and experience. I tried to focus on the meeting and get out of thought, but it was such an emotional memory and experience that I just couldn't forget. Maybe this world, this...vampire world is what would be better for me. Mentally and physically, health-wise. Who knows what lies in the future? I turned back to asshole.

"But..." he gulped. "We think she is most definitely strong. There's no lie about that. She may need a little discipline, but she could the one." Asshole fell slowly back to his chair and I saw a smirk on Roland's face that was sitting next to me. He gave me a sidelong smile while Eric and Priscilla shared a smile.

"Well, now that that's decided." Roland stood. "We can get to what really matters." he sounded like he was belittling them.

The next few hours they spent at that table involved battle plans, battle plans, and more battle plans. They said they had spies that were masked as traitors on enemy lines to get a layout of the land. I heard all of this from Eric when I left faking a painful headache. I didn't want the demonic... thing in my head to hear their plans if he was with the Kareptons. Before Eric could say anymore I asked him to change the subject when the voice laughed evilly in my head.

"Let's talk about something other than the stupid war. Okay?" I asked. I was in my room and Eric came to check up on me. I was propped up against the headboard pretending to rub my temples with throbbing pain. I hoped I was convincing.

"Sorry."

I suddenly felt a little curiosity that would be a good subject.

"Eric?"

"Yes?" He looked up.

"How did you...become a vampire?" I asked wondering if I brought back bad memories.

He simply smiled."I was born a vampire."

"How's that possible? Once you're dead you can't change because you stay the way you are when you died. This world is confusing, there's so much I don't know about." I said absentmindly

"How did Earth come to be? How do humans exist? How was everything created? No one really knows." he said softly. "Maybe it's because we are kind of human in a way. Some of us grow old and die. I know it sounds strange compared to other stupid myths and stories, but we are simply different because of our appetite, strength, and little things about our senses. We're still human Katherine. We still have a faint heartbeat. Very, very faint. But we still have one." I didn't quite believe that. He saw that.

I stared into his face as he tried to find the words.

"Come closer." he said quietly. I scooted over to him slightly. He saw that I was going to be difficult so he tore off his black blazer and white T-shirt leaving his chest bare. I took the short moment I had to ogle at his perfect ripped and pale chest until he gently placed his stone hands around my face and brought it to where his heart was supposed to be.

"I don’t hear anything." I whispered.

He shushed me. "Listen very carefully. Don't breathe. Don't make a sound. Just listen." I could hear his breathing stop only letting small barely audible breaths while mine froze. I could hear it.

Thump, thump, thump

I could almost not hear it, but I did, like a whisper from the other side of the world. Amazing. I brought my eyes up to his with a smile when he let go of my head. He was beautiful, and like many other men characters in books I used to read continuously while I was first depressed in Chicago.

I read romance novels, crying as I read. I never borrowed books from the library. I was afraid I would stain them with tears, so I bought them instead. I read Shakespeare's work like A Midsummer's Night, Romeo and Juliet, and many others including the very popular Twilight saga. I'm not obsessed with the book's characters like many other adolescent girl around my age or younger(Maybe older). I enjoyed the writing.

I got out of the unnecessary thoughts that were circling my head at the moment and looked back up to Eric who was bare chested and sitting in front of me on a bed. "Oh, stop thinking about that!" I mentally screamed at myself. He smiled down at me.

I can't keep doing this little game that's keeps tearing my heart. I can't keep hurting myself like this. I have to choose! But not now... I won't ruin today. He kept smiling down to me as I grinned up to him. I looked down thankful I couldn't blush.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked lifting my face up.

"Yes, what are you thinking about, dear Katherine?" The Karepton asked chuckling. Eric did not hear.

I grimaced and sighed. I pulled the rubber band out of my hair letting it wave againts my back. I pulled some hair forward brushing my fingers through them, so I could cover my face.

"Don't shut me out." Eric pleaded. He put a hand gently on my shouler while another cradeled my face. I kept my eyes down feeling his breath push and pull my hair with his unecessary heavy breathing. The conversation was much more intense. No humor...just us. "Tell me what is wrong, Katherine. I love you and I need you to tell me how I can help you."

Was I really that see-through? That clear to understand?

"Yes," The Karepton answered smugly.

Not talking to you. Asshole. I let out a sigh. Would you just get out of my head.

"No." he laughed. "I'm having too much fun."

ASSHOLE! I metally screamed. He simply laughed and kept quiet for a few moments as I tried to find the right things to say.

"I should tell everyone." I started. I sounded hoarse. "Get Roland, Priscilla, and Skylar. I'll tell you."

"Thank you. Was that so hard?" he asked with a smile. I rolled my eyes. He kissed my forehead then trailed down to my eyelids then finally my waiting lips. He merely gave me a peck, but that wasn't enough for me. I locked my fingers behind his neck and kissed him earnestly until he pulled back with a pleasured gasp.

I frowned.

He smirked. "Sorry, dear." he emphazised dear to irritate me. It was working. "You need to get your story together while I get them." I grabbed his T-shirt tightening my grip, so he wouldn't leave, but when he noticed he simply shrugged and headed toward the door without a shirt ready to turn the knob when I threw the shirt aiming for his head.

He turned a fraction of a second before it him and caught it. I grunted disappointed. He laughed and left the room quickly pulling the shirt on. He pulled the door shut behind him.

With Priscilla in here, I'll have to tell the truth about everything or she'll just say it.

"True. Maybe you should kill yourself." Jackass joked in my head. Men get on my nerves sometimes.

"Oh, shut up." I said aloud. "I'll kill you eventually." I giggled, smiling darkly.

There was nothing in my head.

"Nothing else to say?" Nothing. "Good. Keep it that way." I pushed my hair behind my ear and sat there waiting for them to return.

"I'm sick of your attitude." The Karepton growled. "Where is the old you when you were fifteen?" his voice turned slightly gentle.

I felt pain at the reminder.

"Wait... how did you know about that? Do I... no. No! No! Is that you, Tanner?" I finally realized.

It was quiet.

I could hear footsteps a few feet from the door. But before the door could open the same purple looking haze appeared in front of me. He came through running toward me. I shrieked as he grabbed me and hurled me over his shoulder. My face pound against the thick black suit he was wearing. It was harder than I realized.

Before I could pass out I saw Eric and Roland at the door staring wide-eyed.

Then everything... went black.