Lost My Way, Lost the Light

"Teagan, left," I murmur.

She helps me cross the street as I hand over the directions. I can feel stares on my back as I walk, wearing my sunglasses. Well, I figure, at least I do not have my cane. That in itself would make me feel more useless, more disabled. Teagan, however, is more like a friend, guiding me while I'm lost.

Almost, almost, I can forget the darkness.

The smell of dust and hushed whispers is my welcome upon reaching the library. The glass doors part for me and we step through. Teagan whines, pawing the ground a little. She's not a fan of unknown places.

But then, it's her job to get used to them. I sigh, wondering what the time is. I won't have to be here too long now, will I? Perhaps I don't use my time productively at home, lying around- but here, reading books that will get me nowhere? It's absolutely pointless.

"Come on," I murmur, choosing to take charge.

Teagan begins guiding me around. Neither of us know where we are going, just wandering through the aisles. I came here once, I recall, many years ago. They did story time, when I was little. But from the feel of things, they've rearranged shelves and the sections. I feel like an exhausted explorer, lost in the dark.

I find a comfort, strangely enough, roaming the shelves and brushing my fingertips against them. Some are soft, while others are hard- some have a plastic wrap familiar to me, but I've never enjoyed it much. I prefer, in the very few books I have read, hardbound and rough with age. Feeling the fragile pages turning in my hands always was something I enjoyed...

Teagan nudges her head against my knee, seeing that someone is coming up directly towards me.

"Hello, might I be able to help you?"

I turn to my left, towards the voice, my head raising slightly because I sense the figure- the man- is taller than myself. "Perhaps," I allow softly. "I'm looking for the study rooms- sound proof? And perhaps a book or two on tape, including a tape player."

"Sure. If- if you two could follow me?" Comes the shy reply.

I nudge Teagan and nod. Then the man begins walking, and Teagan leads me after, around for a minute or two, until Teagan stops.

"We have a pretty wide selection. Do you know what sort of book you're looking for?"

I ponder for a moment. "Something from the gothic age, perhaps. Or Wuthering Heights? I heard there's not much of a happy ending."

"Oh, uh... right, sure," the man seems confused. "It's right here."

I put my hand out and the man hands it over, along with a tape player and headphones. "The rooms are just behind you and to the right. Do you need help? The first room should be empty now."

"No. Thank you," I add grudgingly, then tap Teagan. "Turn. Right. Door."

And we start off, until she reaches the room, nudging my knee to let me know we've arrived. I sort the pile in my arms so that I can feel the door and find the handle. It clicks open and I walk inside, shutting the door carefully behind us.

I easily get situated, finding a chair. Teagan lies down next to me, resting her head on my feet. Fumbling, I manage to figure out how to work everything, and begin listening to the story.

It's while I'm on the second tape, Teagan nudges me, but I don't give it much notice. Not until someone carefully pulls off the headphones and speaks.

"Hello again, Maisey."