Holding On

My head was doing a little bit better, it was still hurting but I could do other things as well. I no longer needed the towel. I slowly got up and went to the bathroom. I washed my face and then looked into the mirror. I shook my head at my reflection and went back to the living room, sitting down on the couch. I didn't know where Matt was but I was glad that he wasn't next to me. I didn't want him to keep hurting me.

Seeing his fangs is so different than hearing about them. Until that moment I thought it was okay and everything but I guess I just didn't understand what was happening around me. Images of Matt and Val from last night, staring into each other's eyes, sneaked into my head. But instead of what happened, I imagined Matt opening his mouth, revealing white teeth with long sharp fangs. I saw Val becoming white and frozen in fear. I saw Matt walking toward her, catching her by her hair and pushes her head back, looking at her neck. I saw him bringing his mouth to it, kissing it gently and then burying his fangs in it. I saw the blood flowing out of her neck into his mouth. I saw him looking at me, smiling wide with blood dripping from his mouth. I saw her blood keep flowing out everywhere. Everything was red.

"Now do you understand what I'm saying?" Matt's voice scared the shit out of me. When the fuck did he come back?! I nodded looking down. "I didn't know, I didn't mean to" I whispered. "Now that you know, you're never going to make that mistake again, right?" he sighed. I nodded.

"Is that why you wanted to hurt me so bad?" I asked quietly after a few minutes of silence. He shook his head as a no. I felt anger filling me inside, I would understand if he was angry for almost hurting Val but if that wasn't the reason then he just gave me hell lots of pain for no goddamn sensible reason!

"No, that's not what made me so angry it's just…you're so stupid that it annoys me" he said, he was serious. What the fuck is wrong with him? "I mean sure you've always been stupid and I've never wanted to kill you" he laughed "but until last night your stupidity have never, uh," he looked away…awkward? "Have never hurt me" he coughed and looked anywhere but at me. "Hurt you?" I whispered asking, hoping I'm not crossing any line or getting on his nerves all of the sudden. He just laughed. "You see that's what I'm talking about! You're so stupid that you don't even see how many people you're hurting by being so fucking stupid!" he said annoyed, yet, laughing. "I'm sorry" I said. How does he do it? Coming here, almost killing me and then making me apologize? Is he talented or am I really that stupid?!

"Sorry about what?" he asked. "I have no idea" I said honestly, shaking my head. He just sighed. "You just don't get it. Okay, let's say you and Lacey would break up" he started but I stopped him. "Happened, two weeks ago" I said. He looked at me confused. "Oh… uhh…well…" he mumbled not knowing what to say. I smiled, "It's okay, it just died between us and we agreed it was just pointless to try and save anything. I don't even care" I said. "Well then you just can't understand" he said. "Try me" I insisted. If I am going to stick by his side he needs to be able to talk to me, dammit. "Hmm okay so if you and Peanut broke up" I laughed. "Don't laugh at me I don't know what else you love, alright?" he laughed too but kept talking "And then the next day I'd call you and ask you to pick me up because I'm an idiot and I'm drunk. And then when you get there, who is drinking with me? Peanut. And I am too drunk to even talk or walk or do anything, I can't even stay awake. So you are stuck with Peanut the whole drive home. You look at him and you miss him but you can't show him that. You have Peanut so close to you again and you can't tell you how you feel because it's over" There was a short silence after he said that. "Uhh, you know, Peanut is great and everything but I'm not in love with my dog" I said. Matt laughed. "Idiot" he said shaking his head, then hitting me behind the head like he always does. Only this time it actually hurt. I brought my hand to my head as soon as I felt the pain. "Oh! Sorry man didn't mean to hurt you. This time, really" he said right away. I smiled, "It's okay, I'm used to that" I said laughing.

"Hey Matt" I said after a short silence "If you love Val so much and it hurts you to be apart of her, why did you break up with her?" I asked, looking at him. He looked at me for awhile before answering "There are so many reasons, I doubt you'd even understand" he said and smiled. "Try me" I insisted. "Well…" he started "Maybe another day" he said. "Come on, Matt, you can talk to me" I said "I may not be Jimmy but I'm all you've got now, it's better than keeping everything inside" I tried to convince him, he sighed.

"It's like if you had a fish as a pet and your favorite food was sushi" he said. I laughed at him "Again examples with pets?" I said laughing. He looked at me seriously "I mean it. You'd want to eat your fish but wouldn't want to hurt it and lose it" he said. "I could just order sushi, there are many fishes out there" I answered. He sighed again. "You just don't get it"

"Okay a different example" he started "Let's say your girlfriend sees with someone else. How are you supposed to explain her that you weren't cheating on her but actually going to suck the poor girl's blood?" He said honestly. "You could try and tell her the truth?" I said. He just laughed, "Tell her the truth? Oh right great idea, I mean I did it already with my best friends and that went just so awesome that I'm looking forward to telling more people!" he said sarcasticly. "I'm still here" I said. "One out of four? I can't take that chance with Val" he said and looked down. "So that's why you broke up with her?" I asked. "It just led me into it" he said looking away. "What is the reason?" I asked. He didn't say anything; he just bit his lip and looked at his thumb. "Did you hurt her?" I asked. He shook his head. "Not really. Nearly. So many times" he closed his eyes. I knew he probably was remembering things, I saw a tear slipping his eye and looked away; I knew he didn't want me to see that and I act like I didn't. "I…don't really know what to say" I said, looking at him again. "Just take care of her, alright? If she'll get hurt, especially from me, I'm blaming you and I'm going to kill you" he said "I'm not kidding" he added. I nodded; "Of course" I said and sighed. I smiled when I realized I was so focused on the talk that I forgot about the headache. It didn't hurt anymore.