Not a Second to Waste

I smiled into the mirror. It had been a good week and I had woken up with a great feeling about today. My hair had been braided into two pigtails and my teeth shined brightly considering I had just brushed them. Something was nagging at me in the back of my mind but I could not for the life of me figure it out, so I passed it off as me being happy. I had remembered a grand total of nine things this past week and that had made me feel absolutely superb, as if I was on top of the world. Everything had gone back to normal as well; it was the beginning of September and everybody was doing well. Eric had finally gotten over everything I had shared with him, though, I did catch him looking at me forlornly a few times, and Nick had me come to every one of their practices, not wanting to be apart from me.

They were practicing today of course, but I was not going to be there this time. Garrett had called me last night, complaining about how he was feeling abandoned, and I had laughed, promising him I would spend today with him. It was true that despite the fact that my best friend was home, I had opted to spend my time with my boyfriend, something I had never done before. No matter what the circumstance, how serious the relationship, or how relaxed, Garrett and I would always make time for each other; nothing could stop that.

Skipping down the hallway, I stopped long enough to make it down the stairs without falling down them. Eric would have had a heyday if I had done that. He was downstairs, watching TV, most likely with a bowl of cereal on his laps. From my bedroom, I could hear the sounds of his laughter coming from the living room, and I wondered what he was watching, but when I saw, I rolled my eyes. A cartoon was on the screen and as I had predicted, a bowl of cereal was on his lap.

"Hey Holly," he said, not even bothering to look at me. "Since you're going into the kitchen will you put my bowl in the dishwasher?"

"Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself, you bum," I laughed.

"That hurts Holly Marie, really hurts," he gasped.

"It was meant to Eric James."

Eric made a face at me, but nonetheless got up, bowl in hand. He followed me into the kitchen and rinsed his dishes in the sink before putting them in the dishwasher while I attempted to find something I wanted to eat. Opting for the same thing my brother had, I pulled out the box of Crunch Berries and began to eat straight from the box.

"Jeez, can't you get a bowl?"

"Why should I?" I questioned. "It would be useless since I don't like milk."

"Freak."

I stuck my tongue out at my brother like the mature adult I am, which he responded to by smacking my arm gently. I had never liked milk, but when I had first got out of the hospital, I had not remembered this and I had poured myself a huge glass of it. It was a shock to me that it tasted vile and I ended up spitting it out, all over the kitchen floor. Before I cleaned it up, I had raced to the bathroom to brush my teeth vigorously, needing to get the taste out of my mouth. Milk hasn't graced my mouth with it's presence since.

"So you're not coming to practice today?" Eric asked.

"No, I'm hanging out with Garry," I told him as I put the cereal back.

"Well, have fun,"

"I will," I laughed. "We haven't seen each other in ages, so I probably won't be back until after dinnertime. Tell mom and dad, kay?"

"If I'm back," he said. "You know, I might stay out just as late as you with my best friend!"

"If you do, tell John I say hello, but considering the fact that John is in Phoenix with his family," I told him, "I doubt you will see him."

"You know, I do have other friends!"

"Yes, but you said best friend, and John is your best friend."

"I hate you!"

"Love you, too! I'll see you later!"

I had slipped on my shoes during the course of my conversation with Eric. It had been this week that I decided to start driving again; I could not refuse to for the rest of my life. In this day and age, driving is a necessity. Taking a deep breath, I started the car and pulled out of the driveway cautiously, not wanting anything to happen. It was a shock for me to be behind the wheel, and yet, I remembered everything that I had been taught about driving when I was fifteen. I could see Eric in my rearview mirror, peering out the living room window and I sighed before shifting into drive.

Garrett's house is exactly twelve minutes away from mine if you don't run into traffic or hit any red lights. It took fifteen minutes today because I hit one red light and also because I went a back way, to avoid hitting the light I had gotten hit at. He was waiting in the front yard for me, lying on the luscious green grass. I stepped out of the car and ran over to Garrett, whom had sat up, and tackled him back down. Our laughter blended together and I got off of him, holding out my hand to help him sit back up.

I picked a few of the flowers out of his lawn, the dandelions, and began to thread them together, making the bracelets I had when I was younger. Garrett shook his head at me, but nonetheless let me put it around his wrist when I had finished. Over the years, I had probably made enough of these damn flower bracelets to cover up an entire arm of his. He playfully moved it around his wrist before grinning at me toothily. I smiled back because I couldn't help it. When he smiles, it makes the entire world light up.

"What are we going to do today, Holly?"

"I do not know, Garry," I replied. "What do you suggest we do?"

"That we talk because we haven't done that in days, Hol. I was on tour for so long and when I get back, I found out that you have ditched me for a fellow by the name of Nick Santino."

"Oh, come off it, Gar. You are happy that I am with Nick."

"I am," he admitted. "You're happiest when you talk about him, you know? No one had seen your real smile for months until Nick came into your life."

"Yeah," I smiled, "he really makes me happy."

"Well, I'm thrilled."

"What about you Gar bear?" I questioned. "How are you and Melanie doing?"

"Amazing!" He grinned goofily, his eyes lighting up. "She is such a great person, Holly. I think I love her."

"Really?" I asked, hardly surprised. "You should tell her because I am one hundred percent certain she loves you as well."

"Maybe I will," He remarked. "Next week. After all, she was just on tour with all of us for the summer."

"Whenever you say it to her, I am sure she will appreciate it."

"Speaking of which, when are you going to tell Nick that you love him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Holly. I know you better than anyone; do you really expect me not to know when my best friend falls in love?"

I sighed and brushed my bangs out of my face. For days, I had been contemplating my feelings for Nick and they all kept coming back to the fact that I was falling for him fast. Since Nick had walked into my life, I had felt a deep connection with him and could feel myself getting attached, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to fall that fast. Whether or not I wanted it to happen, it was, and there was nothing I could do about it. I looked up at Garrett and he smiled sympathetically at me, already knowing what was running through my mind.

Garrett and I had a special kind of relationship that had always been strictly platonic. Never once had it crossed my mind, nor his, of our friendship getting to be anything more than that. Countless amounts of times the two of us have been questioned about our feelings, but our reactions and answers were always the same. Sure, we would hold hands, kiss cheeks, occasionally fall asleep in the other's arms, yet every one of these things was a sign of a great friendship.

"I do love Nick," I admitted.

"You should tell him. Before he leaves."

Nick was going to leave. That was one reason why I did not want to fall as fast as I was. I could handle him being in a band; my brother is in a band, my best friends are in bands. It is the fact that he lives in Massachusetts'. After tour, he will want to go home and see his family and they all live there too. I reside in Arizona, thousands of miles away from his home. I don't want him to forget me while he is away.

"Forget about him leaving," Garrett sighed. "The kid is head over heels for you and damned if any of us would let him fuck it up. Damned if he would actually fuck it up, Holly. Nick is a gentleman."

"I know he is, Gar," I sighed this time. "It's normal to worry though, isn't it? Or am I just crazy?"

"You're definitely crazy, but it is normal to worry."

"You're a loser!" I laughed. "Do you really think I should tell him? So soon?"

"Holly, the first day you met, he held your hair back while you puked. I'm pretty sure he can handle you telling him how you feel if he can deal with that."

I smiled at the memory of Nick holding back my hair as I wretched. It had only been a few minutes prior to that where I had met him and yet he was so kind to do that. Everything about Nick was warm and inviting and now, after speaking with Garrett it seemed silly for me to think that Nick would shun me away for telling him my feelings. The images of Nick's smiling face filled my head and I laughed as I saw him in that yellow jacket he would wear that managed to go with his hair despite every rule saying it would clash. I saw his face when he had first come over to see me and could feel his hand slipping through mine, even though he was not here. The taste of his lips and the scent of his skin were there for me, despite the fact that he was far away from me now. It was refreshing and I loved everything about him. I love Nick Santino.

I turned the conversation back to him talking about Melanie, rather than me talking about Nick. I had been talking about Nick nonstop since I met him, really, and that was unfair to Garrett, whom I knew had something to say about his girlfriend. They had been dating for nearly a year, and I knew her well, but after the accident, it took awhile to remember anything about her. How I could forget her is an intense question, because nothing about her is forgettable. She dresses without giving a damn and would rather be playing video games than obsessing over her hair. In all honesty, she was the perfect girl for Garrett, and I was happy that he was happy.

Garrett and I spent hours in his front yard, talking and laughing about anything and everything. It had been too long since we had a day like this and it felt nice to be able to relax and catch up with him. I couldn't for the life of me seem to catch my breath as time wore on; it seemed as though I was constantly laughing. Spending today with Garrett made me forget all of those days I yearned for him to be home. He made up for all those times by being the best friend he could be now. As always, when Trey got home, he took one look at his younger brother and I and walked straight into the house. Trey would always do this, claiming that he could not deal with the two of is. I could see his point because together, Garrett and I are crazy.

"Garry," I giggled. "Stop tickling me!"

"Why would I do that? It would ruin all of my fun!"

"I don't care Garrett! You're going to make me pee my pants!"

"Oh contraire, that would just make this whole situation that much more hilarious!"

Garrett ended up stopping though, knowing that if I were to actually pee my pants, he would be dead. I sat up and pushed him off of me. His face was flushed with amusement. As I pushed him backwards, he groaned, causing me to grin in satisfaction. The five year old inside of him stuck his tongue out at me, prompting me to do the same thing back. I laughed at the memories I could remember of the two of us acting just like this on several occasions; it was something I had missed while being lost for so long: the sense of having this kind of friendship. I could act like a five year old or a ninety year old and Garrett would not care.

Our laughter dispersed after a few moments of us gasping for air, allowing Garrett to ask, "So, what're you going to do when you get home?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I'll probably just relax by reading or calling Nick."

"Sounds like most of the nights you have."

"Pretty much. I am content with them though."

"Yeah, I guess you are. Are you sure, you don’t want to stay over? We could have our movie marathon!"

"I'd love to Gar, but you know I can't. Nick is coming over tomorrow morning to take me out to breakfast."

"That's right. I almost forgot."

"Sure you did," I teased. "I know you're true motive. You just want to steal me away."

"Damn! You figured it out after all!"

Trey came out then, with a semi-amused facial expression. "Hey, Holly, mom wants to know if you're going to stay for dinner."

I glanced at Garrett who nodded. "Yeah, I will."

"Kay." He nodded, turning back into the house, before looking back at us, saying, "It's pretty much ready."

A few minutes later, Garrett helped me up off the ground and led me into his kitchen. His mother, Ruth, was placing a meatloaf onto the table while his father, Daniel, and Trey sat at the table, eagerly waiting her cooking. Garrett took the seat opposite of Trey while I opted to sit next to him.

"It's so nice to see you, honey," Ruth said. "With Garrett always gone, so are you."

"I know! Next time he goes on tour, I'll have to come over. We can hang out."

"That would be great!"

"Really, you're going to hang out with my mom while I'm gone?"

"Don't be rude, Gar," I laughed. "Your mother is one cool lady, you know that!"

Dinner went by smoothly and when it was over, Garrett walked me outside. It was time for me to get home. Garrett and I embraced before I opened the car door, and even before I had, he looked at me somberly. I knew what was going on through his mind because the same thing was running through mine. The last time I drove home from Garrett's, I had been in the accident. I was growing more anxious as the seconds passed. Garrett offered to drive me home, but I shook my head. I needed to face this. Get past what had locked away my childhood.

I looked at Garrett with wide eyes I was trying to contain to hide the anxiety I was having. Garrett could read me like a book and I know he could see what I was trying to hide, but he let it go. I was going to drive through that intersection and I was hoping that day would be today, and if it wasn't, at least I tried.

"Call me when you get home, okay?" Garrett told me.

"Of course," I whispered.

"Hol, are you positive you don't want me to drive you home?"

"Yes," I responded. "If worse comes to worse, I'll pull over, lock the car, and walk home. I should be fine then."

"Okay. Just remember, call me."

"I will. Bye, Garrett."

I shifted into gear and pulled away from the curb, breathing deeply as I did so. I concentrated on the road, hardly blinking so my gaze wouldn't be torn away for a split second. There was no way that I would get hurt this time; not when I am on my best alert. My phone was even turned off, just in case someone was trying to get hold of me while I was trying this feat. As I got through the first intersection though, my breath became shallow and I was panicking. The next one would be the one that I got hit at.

My breath increasingly became shorter as I neared it; I did not trust myself in the slightest to go through it now. Never had I gone through this intersection during any of my driving this past week. I told Garrett I was going to be brave and go through it on my way home, but I couldn't. Not now. I checked my mirrors and saw that it was safe to move to the side of the road, but then a car came zipping out of nowhere. There was a hitch in my breath as I saw it coming at me and I tried to press down on the gas harder, but I was already on the side of the road, shifting from drive to park. I heard a tire squeal and then nothing.