I Don't Need You To Save Me

"I should thank you for helping me get this off my chest though." I smiled weakly at Joe and rubbed my eyes, crying had made me sleepy, though I didn't actually know how long I had been asleep the night before. "I'd still be trying to deal with it myself otherwise."

"Dealing with what by yourself?" I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me. Startled, both Joe and I turned round to see a very confused Nick stood in my bedroom doorway. I had forgotten that Joe had never closed it. I bit my lip and looked away.

"It’s nothing Nick." Joe replied firmly and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I glanced at Nick through the curtain of my hair and he didn't look convinced.

"So you two were shouting at each other for no reason then?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry I wasn't listening in or anything, I just couldn't help but hear."

"Nick, seriously just leave it." Joe replied harshly. I looked up at him and shook my head.

"Joe, calm down." I sighed and looked up into his big puppy dog eyes. "It’s all out in the open now anyway."

"Yeah, but look how hard it was for you to tell me." Joe replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want you to feel like you have to tell him."

"Erm, guys? I am stood right here you know." Nick cleared his throat awkwardly. He walked father into the room and strolled over to crouch in front of me. "What’s going on?"

"Its a long story." Joe and I both said at the same time. Startled, Nick looked between the two of us and sighed.

"Its complicated Nick." I looked away from his worried gaze and traced an invisible pattern on the cream carpet. It was strangely distracting. "Its just, things that have happened and its been hard for me." I mumbled and I felt Nick's gaze upon me once again. I regretted this now.

“Its got something to do with that Darren guy, hasn’t it?” Nick asked me. I stared confused up into his seemingly all knowing face.

“What?” Was all I could manage to muster.

“That guy that turned up last night. Whatever you’re upset about has something to do with him.” Nick folded his arms. “I’m not completely stupid. I think we all noticed that something wasn’t right between the two of you.”

“Have I told you recently that you are a lot smarter then you seem?” I mumbled and brushed my hair back from my face, sighing as I did.

“So it does have something to do with him?” Nick confirmed his previous thoughts. “To be honest, I didn’t like the look of him.”

“Neither did I.” Joe replied, and then added in an almost inaudible voice, “But for a different reason.”

“What has he done then?” Nick asked his voice softer then it had been before.

I wondered how it would be best to approach this, I didn't really want to have to retell the whole story. "Well, erm. We used to date, obviously." I muttered and regretted agreeing to tell him about it. I glanced over to Joe for help, who returned my gaze with a concerned gaze of his own. "And well..." I couldn't make myself say it again.

"He raped her." Joe spat before I had even got the chance to recover from my loss of words. I looked through the curtain of hair separating Nick and myself and saw his face freeze. It slowly turned from shocked, to confused, to down right furious.

"What?" He choked and his eyes were suddenly upon me. His face still showed his anger, but his voice didn't carry it.

"Exactly!" Joe fumed and I grabbed his arm to warn him to calm down. "If I see this guy again, I think I'll end up punching him."

"No Joe!" I forcefully turned him so he was looking at me. "You will not do anything stupid or anything like that. It'll just give him more satisfaction to know that you're mad at him."

Joe sighed and then nodded in defeat, this was my problem after all. I turned to Nick again, he still looked shocked. "The same goes for you." I told him. "Not that you'll probably ever see him again."

Nick agreed and then excused himself. I think the shock revelation had scared him a bit. Joe refused to leave me alone for too long, I don't know why. I didn't feel up to doing much all day, so it ended up just being Joe and myself sat upstairs in my room, Joe insisting on asking me how I felt every five minutes.

"Joe, I'm not any different then I was yesterday." I sighed and lay back on my bed as he sat on the armchair tucked away in one corner. “I’m still the same old me, it just feels like a weight has been lifted.”

“I can’t believe you’ve kept that to yourself all this time.” Joe mused and looked over at me with the same sympathetic eyes he had all day long. “Did you not think to tell anyone? Like your dad? He could have done something about it!”

“Oh yes, I’m really going to walk up to my dad and say ‘Oh, by the way, my boyfriend forced me to sleep with him last night. Do something about it please?’ can I? He’d do something he’d regret, and then probably murder somebody in the process.” I sighed again and rested my head so I could see him without looking out of the corner of my eye.

"Well, no. But didn't you ever consider it?" Joe asked.

"All the time. But I just didn't know how to bring it up in conversation." I explained, "My dad's barely ever home anymore anyway, he just thought I was all sad because of a bad breakup or whatever. It wasn't till I started going out a lot till he really noticed something was wrong."

"You'd be surprised how easy it is to get into clubs and things when people recognise you from somewhere." I laughed to myself, "I was surprised I could get in anywhere, I don't exactly look old enough."

"Did you ever think about talking to your Mum about everything?" Joe asked me again. I propped myself up on my elbows and raised my eyebrow at him.

"She doesn't visit anymore, I haven't spoken to her in months." I looked away from him. "I miss her like crazy, and its not exactly something you can say over the phone? Is it?"

"Well, no. Your right there." Joe sighed and then frowned. "I'll stop talking about it now, if you want."

"Whatever, I'm surprisingly not bothered." I laughed to myself and that brought a small smile back to Joes face. "It is getting a bit repetitive though." Joe's face dropped again and I got up from my place on the bed and walked over to where he sat.

"Cheer up Charlie." I smiled at him and perched on the edge of the arm of the chair. Joe's dark eyes looked up at me and shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't understand how your so calm." He replied in a confused way. "You're completely fine, but I'm still fuming inside."

"And I don't understand why you’re so angry about it." I got up from the armchair arm and sat crossed legged on the floor in front of him. He leaned forward in his seat so his face was almost level with mine.

"Because it frustrates me that he has hurt you this much, and all I want to do is get back at him some how, because you mean a lot more to me now then you did when you first arrived." Joe took a deep breath in and then dropped his eyes. "Don't ask me to explain it anymore, because I can't. There's just something about you Hayleigh that makes me feel very protective of you."

I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to say, when I saw the same glint I had seen the night before. I smiled and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"Is thank you the wrong thing to say right now?" I asked and laughed nervously. Joe laughed along with me and grabbed my hands and pulled me onto his lap. I snuggled into his arms and rubbed my eyes, the lack of sleep the night before was finally starting to catch up to me. "Because I don't know what else to say to you."

"You don't have to say anything." Joe whispered into my ear. "I don't expect you to."

I smiled and pulled his arms tighter around me. I could have stayed there for the rest of the day. I turned my head so I could look at his face and was greeted with a warm outwards breath on my cheek. It tickled my skin and brought my smile turned into a grin.

"Can I ask you something about last night?" Joe whispered once again. I nodded and caught his dark brown eyes with my own. I saw something similar to what I had the night before. Before the reappearance of Darren, before anything had even happened. The same thing that made my heart speed up in my chest.

"I didn't cross the line, did I? Last night?" Joe asked quietly and looked away from me for a few minutes, before looking back at me. "Kissing you and everything. If I shouldn't have done it, then I'm sorry and we can go back to being friends. I don't know why I did it, but I did."

"Joe." I stopped him mid sentence. "You don't need to worry about it, don't go losing sleep over it." I joked.

"That isn't really an answer." Joe chuckled to himself and softly kissed my neck just below my ear. A shiver ran down my spine and I blushed. "It was quite vague."

"Well then, what exactly do you want me to say?" I asked and raised one eyebrow with a sly grin.

I didn't give him much chance to answer. Instead I lifted up his chin and simply planted my lips against his. He seemed to accept this as an invitation to place his hands on the back of my neck and pull me as close to him as physically possible in the position we were sat in.

After pulling away a few moments later, Joe looked over at me with a startled expression.

"Do you have your answer yet Joseph?" I giggled and tapped him on the nose playfully.

He still looked shocked but he nodded. I laughed a little more and then climbed off him. I could feel his eyes following me round the room.

"Wait a minute!" He finally managed to exclaim after a few minutes. "Is that all I get?!"

I turned round and smiled. Joe grinned at me mischievously and I couldn’t help but blush. I felt like all the girls in all the romance novels in the world claimed to feel whenever they finally got the guy they wanted: I felt so warm and fuzzy inside. Compare it to what I’d been feeling before it was a pretty drastic change.

And then Nick burst into my bedroom.

“Hayleigh.” He breathed. “There’s something you might want to know.”