It's All We Know

Jessi’s POV

It felt like time was moving painfully slow, I sat down beside Rian and took one of his hands in mine. I wasn’t really sure what to say, I mean what could I say to ease the tension?

“I’m sorry Jess,” Rian muttered. He was still studying the floor.

“What for?” I asked.

“For telling this, the way I’ve been treating you.”

“Well I guess I can forgive you…”

“It’s just… I love you Jess,” he barely whispered.

“Rian I love you too, with all my heart. You are my best friend-”

“That’s it huh, just as a best friend?” He asked looking at me for a second.

“Rian, why are you saying this, you don’t love me like that, it’s just because we are so close, you feel protective over me, you don’t love me like that.” I’m not sure who I was trying to convince me or him, I doubt it was working anyway.

“I guess I have just ruined our friendship now,” he said with a sigh.

“No you haven’t.”

“I have, because everytime I see you I want to kiss you, I want to hold you in my arms and make sure you are happy and safe for the rest of your life.”

I wanted to say something but I couldn’t think of anything that would help this situation, I for once was at a loss for words. I was nearly sure I didn’t love Rian in that way. Then again Rian was like everything I would want in a guy, but I just, I’ve never thought of him like that. He has always just been my best friend.

“Let me just try something?” Rian asked quietly, he turned his body so he was facing me, I did the same. Then I watched as he reached up and placed a hand at the back of my neck, and slowly brought our lips together.

Let me tell you it was weird, but not that weird, after a second it felt, well kinda nice. His lips moved against mine lightly, and his tongue grazed my lower lip, I parted my lips and let our tongues touch. It was a soft careful kiss, nothing like the ones Jack and I had shared. After a while it became a little heavier, our tongues brushed together and our lips pressed together with more force, I couldn’t help myself. It was good.

It wasn’t until we heard a knock at the door that I jumped up and away from him, rubbing my mouth self consciously. Rian looked up at me his eyes pleading, searching, but I still couldn’t say anything.

“Is everything alright in there?” A voice called, it was Zack.

Rian stood up and faced me, taking both my hands in his.

“Tell me you didn’t feel anything?” he whispered.

“Rian I, we can’t, I can’t ruin this- what we have- it’s- we-” I was stuttering over my words. I have never felt so awkward in all my life.

“Guys your gonna miss out on the skittles, and we have popcorn?” Zack called again.

Rian shook his head at me, “just, come on, lets go.”

He gave my hands a squeeze then walked to the door, when he opened it Zack stumbled into the room.

“Sorry!” He straightened himself out and looked at us both. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah,” Rian looked at me and smiled, “everything’s fine, how about we set up guitar hero in here and kick Jack and Alex’s butts again?”

“Dude!” Zack gave him a high five and they both left the lounge.

I sighed, sometimes I really hate boys. Why must they mess with my head? I love Rian, but do I love him like he loves me?