It's All We Know

Jessi’s POV

I went after Jack, ignoring Faiths questions and the looks from Rian. I didn’t want to fight so as soon as I went into the room I held a hand up to Jack who was sitting on the edge of the bed he stared at me wide eyed for a second before his face clouded over with annoyance.

“Jack, I know what you might be thinking, but I was just giving Rian a hug, nothing else, we had a great day today and he apologised and I just wanted him to know that everything was okay,” I said quickly.

Jack looked up at me his eyebrows raised; I’m not sure if it was in disbelief or just because I said all that so fast.

“Jessi…”

I sighed and sat down beside him, but he didn’t look at me I watched him carefully, but he just stared at the floor, fiddled with his hands, bit his lip, then he sighed and stood up.

“I duno if I can do this anymore,” he said quietly.

I looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the wall behind me for a few minutes.

“I really really like you Jessi, but I think we need to take a break or something,” he said.

“Right…” I shook my head and looked anywhere but at him. Since when did he become so serious? And why is it that he wants to do this? I had half a mind to laugh in his face as if he were joking.

“I’m not sure Jess, I think this whole thing, it shouldn’t be this hard,” he said.

I looked up at him. “I didn’t think it was hard.”

“Come on Jessi, half the time we are arguing, with each other or with Rian,” he replied.

“Everyone has their arguments, its how you pull through them that counts Jack,” I said.

“Yeah, and how do you pull through them? By running off to Rian and getting cosy on his bed with him.”

“Jack!” I stood up.

“I think until I can get my head around, around you and everything, maybe we should take a break,” he said.

“I don’t understand,” I said quietly.

“Jessi, how would you feel if you were in my shoes right now?” he asked me cautiously.

I sat down again, to be honest I think I would have snapped a long time ago, but I know I never deal with jealousy well. It would have all built up inside me and I would have let lose a long time ago.

“So you are giving up?” I asked somewhat bitterly.

“No Jessi,” Jack crouched down in front of me and took my hands in his. “I just need some time to think.”

“Just talk to me Jack,” I whispered.

“I don’t know I just… I need some time to think.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he lifted one of his hands and tucked some of my hair behind my ears.

“So that’s it then?” I asked.

“No, well for now,” he replied.

I moved his hands away from me then pushed him back and stood up, he fell over but stayed sitting on the floor and looked up at me but I turned my back to him.

“And you think we can just stop, while on tour, while sharing a bus, seeing each other all the time?” I asked.

“Well I thought maybe you might…” his voice trailed off as I whipped my head round to look at him again.

“Might go home with Faith?” I asked.

He nodded and shrugged at the same time.

“Did you plan this? When Faith arrived, did you think, ah this the best time to tell her, so she can fuck off home and I won’t have to look at her every day?” I demanded angrily. I’m not sure why I got so angry, I guess the realisation of what Jack was asking hit me and I didn’t want to go on a break, I didn’t want to go home yet, and I definitely didn’t want him to think I wanted to.

“No Jessi! Just with everything that has happened we are hardly a perfect couple,” Jack said.

“Who is Jack?” I asked angrily.

“Don’t yell at me Jessi, this is not my fault!” he said standing up, he was starting to get angry too.

“What? Jack you are practically breaking up with me, how is this not your fault?” I shouted.

“Well maybe if you weren’t off fucking about with Dawson then I wouldn’t want to break up with you!” he spat.

“Fuck sake Jack, how many times do we have to go through this?” I asked.

“I duno Jessi, when are you going to admit that you like Rian?” he asked.

“I don’t like him Jack!” I shouted in frustration. Why was Jack being so fucking stupid?

“Well you coulda fooled me!” he yelled angrily. I jumped at the tone of his voice, I’d never seen him like this before.

“You are so stupid Jack, and so fucking jealous you can’t see that it’s you I want, you I like!” I cried.

“Somehow I find that hard to believe Jess, these past few days you have been more interested in Rian, and now in Rian and Faith.” He said.

“I’m sorry for having friends Jack, but aren’t you always surrounded by yours? You can’t stop me from hanging out with my friends when I want to!”

“It’s not about friends Jessi! It’s about us!” he said. I scrunched my face up in confusion, that’s not what he said two seconds ago.

“I don’t understand,” I said so quietly I am surprised he heard me. But he did, and we stood motionless and silent looking at each other, until he shook his head.

“Just go Jessi, get your shit and go!” he yelled suddenly, he grabbed my suitcase and threw it on one of the beds.

I glared at him then looked about the room, my stuff was lying everywhere it would take me too long to gather it up this second and I wanted out of that room right now, so I took one final look at him then stormed out. I walked down the hall slowly but heard a door opening behind me and stopped. I was praying and hoping it was Jack coming after me. I turned round slowly and saw Faith walking towards me; I started walking too, back past her and into her room. She followed me and sat down beside me after I’d slumped to the floor. Rian jumped up and sat on the other side of me, they both wrapped their arms around me, I tried to speak but only a few quiet sobs escaped my lips. I’m sure with all the yelling they heard what happened anyway.