It's All We Know

Jessi’s POV

When Faith and Rian came back I was lying on the bed, facing the wall. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been there, probably not as long as it felt. I had been thinking, reliving the past few hours in my mind.

“Did he bring your stuff in?” Rian asked. He sounded surprised and angry.

I sat up at the sound of his voice, they were standing at the foot of the bed looking at me.

“Alex brought it round,” I mumbled.

“Why?” Faith asked.

“I’m going home with you,” I replied smiling weakly. At least I’ll get that home cooked meal.

“No, Jessi you can’t!” Rian very nearly jumped onto the bed, but he stopped himself and came round and sat beside me. Faith sat at the bottom of the bed.

“I can. Jack wants me to go home, and there is no way in hell I am staying here,” I replied.

“But there are only five more days left, and it’s here in California, we won’t be on the bus that much, and I’ll stay with you the whole time, and if Jack so much as-”

“You don’t get it Rian… I know you want to help, but I just have to go home,” I said quietly. If Jack needs his space he can fucking have it.

“Are you sure, what if Jack wakes up in the morning…” Faith started but her voice faded when I glared at her.

“He made it pretty clear he needed time to think,” I said firmly.

They both raised their eyebrows at me, but had made up my mind nothing they could say would change it. Faith got up off the bed and pulled her phone out to call a cab, she booked it for half three, then told me we had to be at the airport an hour before five. We sat in silence after that, I was too consumed in my thoughts to worry about it being awkward, Rian stayed at my side which I was thankful for. I needed someone, I wanted someone and having him there close to me helped.

“Guys I am going to take a shower,” Faith said slowly.

She hovered about the room for a few moments before going into the bathroom locking it behind her.

“Are you alright Jazz?” Rian asked. I smiled weakly at his use of the nickname, it always got a smile out of me.

“I’m fine. Angry, confused and hurt, but fine,” I replied.

“I knew Jack would do this, he is such a douche.” Rian muttered angrily.

“Spare me the ‘I told you so’ speech Rian, and please don’t start things with Jack, this is between Jack and I, not you,” I snapped.

Rian tensed beside me then moved off the bed, I glanced at him but he had his back turned to me, he sat down in a small recliner near the door. I considered apologising but I didn’t care if he was angry at me.

“I’m going to go out,” I said standing up. I was sick of the sight of these four walls.

“It’s nearly midnight, where are you going?” Rian asked, he stood up too.

“I just want to get out of here, maybe get a drink, I’ll be back in an hour tops,” I said. I lifted my messenger bag and rummaged about in it until I found some money.

“I’ll come with you,” Rian said firmly.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Either I come, or you sit down and shut the hell up,” Rian said raising his voice a little.

“Excuse me?” I asked a small laugh escaped my lips causing Rian to smile.

“I’m not gonna let you go out and do something stupid on your own,” he said.

“So you are going to come and do something stupid with me?” I asked.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he said quickly. “I am going to stop you from doing something stupid.”

“Whatever, lets go,” I said.

Rian knocked the bathroom door and told Faith we would be back in an hour, she called a goodbye but I didn’t hear it.

“Where are we going?” Rian asked once we left the hotel.

“Do you have to ask?” I said and pointed across the street, and to a pub with its name written in bright neon lights. Usually I would stay away from places with names like Shine no doubt it’d be full of barely dressed girls and horny guys.

Rian sighed but followed me regardless, I knew he’d probably only let me have one drink, I didn’t mind, the cool air was already helping me relax, of course my mind was still on Jack, no matter how many obscenities I mumbled or thought about him. Or how many times I told myself I hated him, I still longed to be with him.

Rian bought me a drink which I finished too quickly and one for himself and we found a table, Rian’s eyes were glued to a group of girls dancing a few feet away. I rolled my eyes and slid away without looking back hoping he wouldn’t find me. I pushed my way towards the bar and ordered another drink. I know getting drunk wouldn’t solve anything but I didn’t care. I paid for my drink and took a few steps back towards a group of people pushed past me so I stopped to let them past my eyes wandering down the large dark room.

I froze on the spot when I caught sight of a familiar face, a familiar smile, and in my mind I heard the familiar laugh as he leaned over and handed a guy some money at the end of the bar. Then to my utter shock and horror he turned round only to lean down and kiss a small blonde haired woman beside him. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t, I could practically hear their lips smacking together. As I watched them make out.

“Jess?” Rian stepped into my view, my eyes glazed over with tears, and my heart sank. I handed him my full glass as my hands started to shake.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quickly and loudly, leaning in closer to my ear to be heard.

I took a small breath and inhaled his scent then without thinking I pressed my lips to his. But it lasted no longer than three seconds because he pushed me away. Staring down at me confused. I shook my head and willed the tears that had built up in my eyes not to fall.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

I turned away and headed for the exit.

I’m so sorry.