Matias in Wonderland

~Back to present time~

'Why is everything so dark? What the fuck is this? Ah my head feels like someone bashed it in with an aluminum baseball bat. My arms feel like noodles, I can’t even feel my legs. Oh jeeze what’s this warm stuff all over my waist, eww its sticky…warm sticky, I can’t feel anything below my waist. Oh shit! Please tell me I still have function of everything below my waist! How am I supposed to be a man if I can’t even work my precious, precious dick! Damn you stupid eyes open. I want to see the damage; I refuse to be left without a dick.'

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I just started dating that hot chick from the bank! Oh jeeze she looked so easy and clean. Well what the hell is going on? Why my eyes are shut man? Why do they feel like they weigh a ton? This can’t be good, something is leaking out of me, it’s warm and sticky, and I can’t feel my nether regions and my eyes won’t open. I’m also in a lot of pain. Why can’t I remember anything past tuning my guitar on the porch?

Matias racked his brain, he saw blurry images, and he knew that something had happened after he tuned his guitar, he just didn’t know what. Everything past the guitar tuning was blurry and the sound was horrible. Matias sighed; he tried opening his eyes again. They opened a bit, but his eyelashes obstructed his view. Almost there. He thought, a few more tries and they flew open, but then, he instantly regretted doing so. Once his eyes flew open, his stomach was in his throat. He was falling, falling, falling. Everything around him was blurry, he thought he saw the outline of a grandfather clock, some furniture, and what he thought was a giant dildo, but he couldn’t be sure, he was falling at breakneck speeds. He was on his back as he fell, his arms and hair flailing above him; he wanted to know exactly when he died. He wanted to know where the free fall ended and land began. Matias pulled some air into his lungs and shut his eyes tight as he twisted his stomach forcing the rest of his body to shift. Air rushed up Matias’ nose causing him to suffocate, he tried to open his eyes, the wind let them fly open but debris made Matias shut his eyes. 'Oh dear God, what the hell…oh…what in the world did I do to deserve this?' Matias wracked his brain.

He’d stolen from his mother and blamed it on his best friend when he was five

He’d stolen some perfume from the mall to give to his mom on mother’s day at seven

He’d flipped a girls skirt at school and saw her panties at ten

He’d peeked inside the girls’ locker room at thirteen

He’d stolen ten panties while girls where showering in the locker room at fourteen

He’d smoked pot on the schools’ roof at sixteen

He’d had premarital sex at seventeen

He’d had even more sex at eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one, twenty-two and so one until now at twenty-five

Yeah, now he knew why he was going through all this, it was the pot….that damned pot screwed him over. Oh dear lord how long had he been falling? Matias had to believe it was a long time, he no longer felt like his heart would go into cardiac arrest. It was like biking up a hill sure it’s hard but after a while you get used to it. Matias felt as if he was falling to his imminent doom rather slowly, but he was still falling, were his pants even wetter and warmer than before? He hoped not. That would be totally embarrassing; they would find his dead body full of blood and piss. Well he hoped he still had a body. He was hoping that when they found him in whatever ditch this was, that he wouldn’t be smashed to pieces, and full of piss.