False Impressions
The perfect woman.
May 25 1964
Today was a pretty good day, but I didn’t expect it to end the way it did. In fact to be honest I thought I wouldn’t have let anyone near me after I got the bad news from my mother. I guess you want to know what happened, and I think I’d be a pretty good idea for me to write about it.
Ok well my day was goin' pretty good till I got home from work everything turn upside down. I was pretty bummed out 'cause I got a phone call from my mother telling me that my Great Grandma had passed away. I was very close with her and when my mother was telling me the news, I knew she was lying. I didn’t want to accept the fact that the woman who helped me out all my life, the woman who seemed to care about me more then my mom or dad ever did, was dead. I’m really going to miss her old sweet smile and her wonderful life stories. I mean as a kid, I would sit down with her for hours and listen to stories she had about her life, or just plan ol’ stories shed make up. I’m also gonna miss her loving personality. She always made me feel like I was the most important thing in her life. Well I guess you could say that was true, after my Great Grandpa died when I was 16. Once he died I seen that the perfect woman had her own flaws and problems to deal with and I thought it would be the perfect time to help her out, as she did with me.
The first few weeks were the most hardest for her, she seemed to cry all the time, and no matter what I tried I didn’t feel like it was enough. Soon after I moved in with her for a bit, my mom and dad both thought it was a great idea, and my grandmother didn’t mind it either, in fact she actually liked the idea. At that time we both helped each other out. I had my heart broken a few times, leaving me with low self-esteem and she seemed to know the way to fix it. The last time I had my heart broken she came into my room and took my hand and asked me what was wrong. I sat up and told her what happened, she looked at me with such caring eyes I just couldn’t hold anything back. She then found out that I was in an abusive relationship, and that I had started to abuse drugs. I thought right then and there she’d disown me and make me move back with my parents but she didn’t, she just hugged me. She allowed me to finish crying and once I was all cried out she put her soft hands on my cheeks and told me to look her in the eyes, I did what she told me and she begin to talk to me softly. She told me that no ones life is perfect and no one is truly ever happy with everything in their life. She also told me I could fix the problems I had in my life. Which I did, thanks to her help, and everything seemed to be fine after that. About a month later I came home from school early and found her crying, but once she seen me she stopped and tried to change the subject. But I just wouldn’t let it drop so easy, so she told me that now that I was old enough shed now tell me the truth about everything and this is what she said to me.
”People see my life as happy and free and maybe even perfect but the bitter truth is, my life is far from okay let alone perfect. Now yes I go around with a big smile on my face everyday and I’m always looking at the bright side of life, but you know why I do that? I bet not, so I’ll tell you. It’s my lie and as I got around your age I noticed that the world is run on lies, people’s pity, mistakes, and shame. But the world runs mostly on lies, yes that’s right Abby lies. Everybody has their own lie or lies that eat them up inside. Your lie could be something as simple as mine, I live a so called, perfect life when I really don’t, but know one thinks anything about me not living a good life. Or you could be a person who lives their life in shame, and tries to help everybody to make up for your life mistakes and you wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for that lie that eats away at night or the mistakes that you have made in life.” I was so shocked to hear this come from her mouth but I knew it was true. I knew deep down that she wasn’t truly happy with out her husband anymore. About a week after she said that to me she checked herself into an olds folk’s home and I moved back with my parents. I tried to go see her and so did the rest of the family but she just refused to see us. Now I know that sounds pretty ignorant, but I still loved the woman I learned so much from her, so to find out she was dead killed me inside.
Anyways, after I got off the phone with my mother and finally accepted that she was gone I grabbed myself something to eat and jumped in the shower. I thought that after my shower I’d call Jackson and tell him that he’d have to come over some other day, but when I got out of the shower and went for the phone someone knocked on the door and I knew it was him. So I went and opened the door, and right away he knew something was wrong, he took me in his arms and gave me a hug and asked me what was wrong, and I couldn’t help but cry.
Okay anyways I’m tired and really do need some sleep before I go to work, I also think sleep will help me a bit. I will be sure to pick up from where I left off next time I write, and I’ll have more to tell you because Jackson is picking me up from work he has some kind of surprise for me. Until I write again, farewell.
Today was a pretty good day, but I didn’t expect it to end the way it did. In fact to be honest I thought I wouldn’t have let anyone near me after I got the bad news from my mother. I guess you want to know what happened, and I think I’d be a pretty good idea for me to write about it.
Ok well my day was goin' pretty good till I got home from work everything turn upside down. I was pretty bummed out 'cause I got a phone call from my mother telling me that my Great Grandma had passed away. I was very close with her and when my mother was telling me the news, I knew she was lying. I didn’t want to accept the fact that the woman who helped me out all my life, the woman who seemed to care about me more then my mom or dad ever did, was dead. I’m really going to miss her old sweet smile and her wonderful life stories. I mean as a kid, I would sit down with her for hours and listen to stories she had about her life, or just plan ol’ stories shed make up. I’m also gonna miss her loving personality. She always made me feel like I was the most important thing in her life. Well I guess you could say that was true, after my Great Grandpa died when I was 16. Once he died I seen that the perfect woman had her own flaws and problems to deal with and I thought it would be the perfect time to help her out, as she did with me.
The first few weeks were the most hardest for her, she seemed to cry all the time, and no matter what I tried I didn’t feel like it was enough. Soon after I moved in with her for a bit, my mom and dad both thought it was a great idea, and my grandmother didn’t mind it either, in fact she actually liked the idea. At that time we both helped each other out. I had my heart broken a few times, leaving me with low self-esteem and she seemed to know the way to fix it. The last time I had my heart broken she came into my room and took my hand and asked me what was wrong. I sat up and told her what happened, she looked at me with such caring eyes I just couldn’t hold anything back. She then found out that I was in an abusive relationship, and that I had started to abuse drugs. I thought right then and there she’d disown me and make me move back with my parents but she didn’t, she just hugged me. She allowed me to finish crying and once I was all cried out she put her soft hands on my cheeks and told me to look her in the eyes, I did what she told me and she begin to talk to me softly. She told me that no ones life is perfect and no one is truly ever happy with everything in their life. She also told me I could fix the problems I had in my life. Which I did, thanks to her help, and everything seemed to be fine after that. About a month later I came home from school early and found her crying, but once she seen me she stopped and tried to change the subject. But I just wouldn’t let it drop so easy, so she told me that now that I was old enough shed now tell me the truth about everything and this is what she said to me.
”People see my life as happy and free and maybe even perfect but the bitter truth is, my life is far from okay let alone perfect. Now yes I go around with a big smile on my face everyday and I’m always looking at the bright side of life, but you know why I do that? I bet not, so I’ll tell you. It’s my lie and as I got around your age I noticed that the world is run on lies, people’s pity, mistakes, and shame. But the world runs mostly on lies, yes that’s right Abby lies. Everybody has their own lie or lies that eat them up inside. Your lie could be something as simple as mine, I live a so called, perfect life when I really don’t, but know one thinks anything about me not living a good life. Or you could be a person who lives their life in shame, and tries to help everybody to make up for your life mistakes and you wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for that lie that eats away at night or the mistakes that you have made in life.” I was so shocked to hear this come from her mouth but I knew it was true. I knew deep down that she wasn’t truly happy with out her husband anymore. About a week after she said that to me she checked herself into an olds folk’s home and I moved back with my parents. I tried to go see her and so did the rest of the family but she just refused to see us. Now I know that sounds pretty ignorant, but I still loved the woman I learned so much from her, so to find out she was dead killed me inside.
Anyways, after I got off the phone with my mother and finally accepted that she was gone I grabbed myself something to eat and jumped in the shower. I thought that after my shower I’d call Jackson and tell him that he’d have to come over some other day, but when I got out of the shower and went for the phone someone knocked on the door and I knew it was him. So I went and opened the door, and right away he knew something was wrong, he took me in his arms and gave me a hug and asked me what was wrong, and I couldn’t help but cry.
Okay anyways I’m tired and really do need some sleep before I go to work, I also think sleep will help me a bit. I will be sure to pick up from where I left off next time I write, and I’ll have more to tell you because Jackson is picking me up from work he has some kind of surprise for me. Until I write again, farewell.