Clairvoyant Disease

“Carlee?" I heard Matt's raspy voice waking me up from my deep slumber;

“huh? Matt what do you want?" my bitterness was a simple result of the relationship we have had for the past 16 years and the fact that he had, yet again, picked the lock of my door didn’t help his cause. I felt his weight fall next to me and instantly turned to see his half naked body laying beside me;

“I don't feel okay," the tone of his voice softened me, he, like most men, becomes a child when his body doesn’t work to, what he calls, “perfection”.

Absentmindedly, I reached towards him, brushing the back of my hand against his cheek, just to pull it back as fast when I realized his skin was practically on fire.

“Matt, you're burning!" I sat up. I don’t know where this clingy being came from but I was already taking a liking to it. He wrapped his thick arms around my waist and dropped his head on my lap;

“I'm broken, fix me,"

“Matt, I can't fix you, you're not a thing. I can just make you feel better," his eyes fluttered shut when I scratched his scalp gently;

“then do that!" he was so childish, I couldn’t help but smile.

“I'll be right back." I tried to push him off me just to be jumped over him and laid on my back and away from the floor;

“No! Stay here that makes me feel better," he turned me over so we were spooning. "help me get some sleep and lay by me all night and I promise I’ll be up and running tomorrow,” I could hear his voice so close to my ear it sent unbelievable chills all over my body but I knew better than to fall for it. Still I really did want to just lay right there for the rest of the night and forget every other fear; I turned around in his arms to face him;

“Mattie Boy…” I sighed the nickname I had given him as a child myself “you know it’s not that easy you’re bound to wake up sicker. I’m just going to the bathroom to get some aspiring for your fever and I’ll be right back,” I caressed his five o’clock shadow. "Aside from the fever and the laziness, what else do you feel?”

“my throat hurts, I’m nauseous, I feel like I got the flu or a cold, I dunno, I feel like shit," he laid on his back, giving up because he’s a well knowing man, he knows he won’t get sleep feeling like this.

“okay, I’ll be right back,” he covered his face and nodded. I had to go over him to get to the floor considering my bed was against the wall and all. I didn’t think twice when I straddled his lap to pass him, what I did do was watch his reaction for a moment, he uncovered his face and panted slightly looking up at my half naked body. By know, turning him on will only make his condition and our conversation worse.

I smiled innocently and got off him, scorning myself for not going out the bottom end of the bed or at least over his legs or something. I didn’t feel uneasy, though, when I went back to him. With a glass of water, two aspirins and cough syrup;

As I watched him drown the pills with water and drink the disgusting liquid I thought about our relationship. We’ve been living together for over two years now, under the same roof but 10,000 miles apart. We’ve had this rocky relationship for so long now, we pretend to be at least civil when we’re around family but alone or with friends it’s WWII at its best.

"Can I stay with you?"

"Of course," I crawled onto my side of the bed close to the wall. I waited for him to lay down covered him with my extra fluffy quilt that was by the end of the bed. He shivered and squeezed his eyes shut as I laid back down. I turned to watch him, shaking from the cold and trying so hard not to cough, when he tried to hold a sneeze I had to stop him;

"hey, don't hold them. That's bad for you, sneeze, be loud, I don't care," he nodded and took deep breaths wiping his swollen nose with the Kleenex he had taken from my nightstand.

"please, come here. I need you," he lifted a side of the quilt and I slid in, towering a bit over him so that he could rest his head on my chest.

As I ran my fingers through his slick brown hair, he fell asleep and my mind wandered around keeping me awake for most of the night. On one hand I wanted to make sure the fever had gone down and that he could breathe easily, on the other I wandered what our future would be like.

I will always wander how he could fall asleep on my bony chest as if it was a feather pillow, he always did it when we were kids. It shows how ridiculous our lives have been. How we fight to the point we wish the other was dead and then either one of us comes crawling right back. We just can’t seem to be apart for too long.

Listening to his soft snores I closed my eyes content because the one thing I have always wanted was taking place. He was mine, even if just for a fragment of time, he was. I could hold him; I could cherish the feeling of his skin against mine, feel every toned muscle of his back and arms and run my hands all over the place as if he really was! Too bad I had worked all day and my mind gave up on me before I could take advantage of the situation.

Next Morning

I opened my eyes at a soft grunting sound. I looked around confused then felt his weight on my torso; he was really there with me. Neither of us had moved an inch in our sleep, he was still tucked in under the quilt, though no longer hot by now it was all sweat running over his body and I was still barely covered with it but holding him for dear life, not even minding the drops of sweat soaking my tank top.

I ran my fingers through his hair, except that this time he woke up and squeezed my body tighter as he yawned. He was fully aware of the way he acted last night and that did give me some hope, unfortunately he always screws it up by saying something witty or rude. Still, I was going to take a chance with him this time around. I wanted him to be different so desperately that my body acted on its own against my own will. I kissed his forehead and his bright hazel eyes shot up to me and with a smile, he reached up and kissed my chin.

“Morning,"

“Good morning," he scratched his eyes gently before getting off me and sliding back until he was sitting next to me. I stared at him, unsure and nervous about what he would do or say next. He tends to ruin all good moments. "Thanks for helping me last night. I know I don't deserve, I just don't trust anyone else as much as I trust you," I was too shocked. Since when does he trusts me? He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my cheek. As he pulled back I only stared at him confused, there was absolutely no way this was actually happening!

He stayed about a foot away from me, as well, staring at me, his next move a mystery to even himself. Involuntarily, I reached and placed my hand gently on his neck… and that was all it took. He attacked my lips with his' devouring them as if he would never have a second chance to do so.

My nerves were shot into over drive, breaking through my body and raising every hair on it. I gripped lightly onto his hair as he picked me up and sat me on his barely dressed lap, my legs around his waist holding him even closer to me. His hands danced their way up my shirt, caressing my back as he grew harder under me. I didn't think about past or future as I rolled my hips over him making his hard self rub against my most sensitive place.

He turned us over, taking charge of my movements, now he being the one to grind against me as he held my arms way over my head and broke our kiss. I closed my eyes, feeling the ecstasy take over me. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to look, I only wanted to feel him and let go of all fears as he started kissing down my neck.

Abruptly, he kneeled back, pulling me with him. He lifted my shirt right off my body and kissed everywhere he could. Taking my breasts in his hands, he squeezed them lightly as I ran my nails down his toned back. He was holding me close enough that his erection was brushing against my belly and it drove me insane in need for him.

I pushed his boxer shorts down until they were around his knees and saw him spring out to life, taking my breath away for a moment as I imagined how deep he would be and how good it would feel. He pushed me back and lifted my legs to take my shorts off, once he had, he just stared down at me. Biting his lip as he spread my legs until they were on each side of him.

He didn't dive into it right away. First, he tested the waters, running his thumb down from my bundle of nerves to my aching hole. He shivered as spread my juices all the way up again. Then he came down to me, kissing my lips gently as he rubbed his thick head up and down my slit. Once I was lost in the feeling, moaning into the powering kiss, he started pushing in.

I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut. It brought back bad memories, it made all fears resurface, the pain was strong and I was so determined not to give this moment a single conscious thought, so that I couldn't back out, that I had to turn my head away from him, whimpering. He noticed there was something wrong, kissed my jaw line and called my name.

"Carlee, baby, look at me," he stayed very still and so did I, there was no way I could look at him, I could only see that man, that without even knowing me had hurt me so much one night at the club. "Bee," he pushed his body higher and took my hand in his' "touch me, Carlee, feel me. I'm not him, I'm not going to hurt you," he ran my hand over his chest and to his abdomen before pushing it towards his back so that I continued the exploration of his skin on my own. I did and finally looked at him. He wiped the single tear that had left my eyes and kissed me gently;

"better?" he started pushing inside me again, for a moment making it impossible for me to speak, so I nodded, but that wasn't enough for him as his pelvis finally met mine "no, tell me. Is this better? Do you feel better?" I took a deep breath;

"y-yes, Matt. It is so much better," he smiled and we kissed. That was all he wanted, for everything to be better. He set an agonizingly slow pace that worked up a sweat between us. He was kneeling on the bed and leaning over me, allowing him to move as he wanted to. I could only wrap my legs around his waist and dig my nails into his back to keep myself from the edge, but that's what he wanted, he needed to get me there to then stop all movements and let me calm from it to then do it all over again. That's why I tried to not get so close. Unfortunately, he started moving faster, pounding into me vigorously, holding himself on the backboard of the bed. I was managing though, trying hard not to scream, smirking at the frustration in his eyes, I was winning this pseudo battle. Of course, the battle is not as important as the war and he is one hell of a soldier in this. He turned slightly to the right and started pounding into a spot that freaked the rest of my body out! I screamed unable to hold it anymore. A sickening feeling took over my stomach and my legs tensed all over, I had never felt anything like that before.

"Matt!" I vaguely heard myself, though I'm sure everybody in the cul-de-sac heard me;

He filled me with his seed, giving a few last sloppy thrust as we both shook and kissed. Panting he towered over me, staring down at me for a minute before framing my face with his hands. It was so different, it was strange that he was so… sweet and caring, especially after sex. As far as I had heard he was the kind of guy that hated to continue sharing a bed with a woman he had just possessed.

"I love you," he said against my lips. I was out of it, I felt as if I had just been punched in the stomach. I simply could not breathe! He didn't mind my lack of response probably figuring that I could never say that to him because of our relationship but my shock didn't go as far as to stop my brain from speaking on its own;

"Then why do you hurt me so much? Why do you always say you hate me?" he unattached his lips from my neck and stared down at me with yellowing eyes that frightened me letting me know how angry I had made him;

"Because I'm an asshole, okay? And I'm an idiot. I don't want to get my ass handed to me and I don't want to have my heart fucking shattered again! Just like right now," he sat on the edge of the bed and started searching for his boxers, when he found them and was about to slip them on, I realized the huge mistake I had made;

"wait, wait, wait…" I spoke quickly holding his arm;

"don't hold me," he's always hated that;

"then give me a chance to explain…"

"no," flat out serious my heart was starting to break too;

"Matt! Please," I slipped under his arm and straddled his lap so that he would stay right there, it's not like he couldn't pick me up and throw me on the bed, but my body got enough of his attention to continue on the same spot "look, I'm sorry, okay, I really am. It was sudden, shocking, out of character… you drop the L bomb on me when I'm used to hearing the exact opposite… besides, word vomit is a perfect description of my communication skills, you know that," he still didn't move or said anything as he looked me dead in the eyes "I've wanted to hear you say that for my entire life, it was so farfetched I never thought of my reaction if I ever heard you say it," he was calming down, already placing his hands on my hips as his expression softened "I love you, too,"