Finding Jane

The air was chilly outside as I waited for Alex to meet me at the pick-up area of the school, right outside the main office. As I breathed out, a cloud of white formed in front of me. Great, I thought. It was cold enough outside to see your breath. The one day I don’t bring my warmer jacket.

Just then, Alex appeared next to me. I looked up at him, for the first time noticing that he was a good four inches taller than me, and sent him a small smile, which he returned. I shivered. Alex must have seen me, because he immediately took off his jacket and placed it gently over my shoulders.

I bit my lip, not sure what to so or do next. “Thank you,” I said softly.

Once again, Alex waved the motion off with his hand. “It’s nothing,” he said. “I’m not that cold anyway.”

We stood in silence for a few minutes until my dad pulled up. “There’s my dad,” I said. I must have thought that Alex was Sara because the next thing I knew I was grabbing his hand and pulling him towards my dad’s car. I blushed and quickly released my hand, but I couldn’t ignore the tingling feeling that was traveling from my hand through to the rest of my body.

Alex didn’t seem phased by my action; he simply followed me to my dad’s car. As we both got in the backseat, he said, “You must be Mr. Conner. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

My dad seemed surprised, and it took a few seconds for him to reply. “Well, you too, son. Alex, is it?” Alex nodded.

I smiled slightly to myself. I could always count on my dad to save me. I could only imagine what Alex would think if my dad told him how often I talked about him. Or if I told him what I felt when I touched him.

For the rest of the ride home, we were all silent. But my head was full of thoughts--thoughts of Alex.

---

I wasn’t sure what to say as Alex looked around my house. How did it compare to his? A sense of worry came over me. Did I clean my room? Did my dad remember to flush the toilet? And Jack. Did Alex like dogs?

“You have a nice house,” Alex said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Thanks,” I said meekly. What was wrong with me? Why was I suddenly nervous?

“Where’s your room?” Alex asked. I led him to it and we walked inside. Once again, Alex searched my room. I couldn’t help wondering what he thought of it. Did he like it? Was it too bright? What did he think about the lamp in the corner? Jesus, Jane, I told myself. Why would he care about the fricking lamp in the corner? It was official: I was paranoid. Why, I wasn’t sure. But I was.

Alex’s voice broke through my irrational thoughts. “You have a pretty nice room.”

“It’s…okay, I guess,” I said, sitting down on my bed.

“At least you have your own room.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, as Alex took a seat in my desk chair.

“I have to share mine with my younger twin sisters. They’re nine and my dad spoils them rotten.”

“What about your mom?” I asked, then immediately regretted it when I saw the expression on Alex’s face change from relaxed to stressed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to touch on a touchy subject.” Alex was silent. “Really, Alex. I--I’m sorry.”

Alex shook his head slowly. “No,” he said. “That’s actually why I came here to talk to you.” He paused at took out something from his left front pocket: his wallet. He flipped it open to a picture of a young lady. “That’s my mom,” he said.

“Where is she? What happened?” I couldn’t keep the questions inside of me any longer. I had to know.

“She--she’s in heaven,” he said.

I was speechless. “How..uhh…how did it, you know, happen?”

“Accidental overdose. She was addicted to cocaine.” I saw tears in his eyes. “We tried to help her,” he said, the tears now falling down his face. “But it was too late.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I simply hugged him.