Finding Jane

It felt awkward walking into school that day. I wasn’t sure if it was because Sara knew, or because of Alex. Either way, when I walked into the school, it felt odd.

People were sauntering down the hallways, talking with their close friends. No one even noticed I had walked in. The warm air that was blowing out of the school’s heating system was a refreshing contrast to the cool air outside. I walked to my locker and put in the combination, turning the lock to open it. After I had grabbed what I needed out of my locker, I shut it and spun the dial to make sure that it had locked.

As I was walking to my first class, Painting, I saw Sara shut her locker. Not wanting to talk about it, and knowing that she wanted to, I walked a little faster, hoping she wouldn’t notice me.

“Jane!” she called as I passed her. I sighed and turned around, praying for the courage to face her without breaking down. When Sara saw me, reached over and gave me a hug, something she had been doing a lot lately. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“I am,” I said, not only to let her know, but to help reassure myself. The past few days had been a whirlwind for me. All I wanted was some peace and quiet, and it didn’t seem like I was going to get that anytime soon. “Look, Sara. I really appreciate it that you care for me, but I really don’t want to talk about it right now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Sara just shook her head, and as much as I wished I hadn’t seen it, I saw a flash of sadness in her eyes. It was only for a brief second, but it was there. And it hurt. It hurt to know that she didn’t completely understand.

Lately, the only person who seemed to understand was my dad.

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Mrs. Stewart seemed very excited about what she was saying, but I was incapable of hearing a single word. All I could hope was that when I got home from school, my dad was there to ask me how my day was. That had been my hope for the past few days, just to see his face again. To have him hold me and tell me that it was all going to be okay, that this pain, this empty hole in my heart, was going to go away.

But every time, every single time, he wasn’t there.

And I was beginning to lose hope.

---

When class had ended, and Mrs. Stewart had let us leave the classroom, I walked out of the classroom at the same pace as everyone else. Normally, I would walk pretty slow, because I was in no hurry to get home, but today was different. I was excited, and I was ready to see if my father was home. I quickly spun the dial on my locker and the numbers clicked in. I opened my locker and put everything I needed into my book bag, then left.

As I walked home, all I could think about was the fact that my father may be there, waiting for me, with a big smile on his face and his arms wide open for me to run into.

When I reached my street, I felt my heartbeat increase. Walking up the sidewalk to the front door, I almost expected my dad to swing it open and shout a greeting to me. No one ever did. When I opened the door, my hopes fell. My dad’s shoes were not in their normal spot.

As the realization that he had not come back yet sunk in, my heart felt like it was breaking. I had gotten my hopes up, and then they were crushed, like broken glass.

And once again, there was no one to pick up the pieces.