Finding Light
Part 3
3:02
the space in this room
has turned on me
and all my fears have cornered me here
me and my TV screen
The volume's down
Blue lights are dancing around
and still, I can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind
Two nights later Ramona lay in her bed wide awake. She was staring at the ceiling and trying to form pictures out of the cracks in the ceiling. The TV in the corner of her bedroom was playing softly and Ramona was trying anything to keep her self from thinking.
She heard a faint sound echo up the stairway. It was the Cuckoo Clock her Grandfather had bought for her Dad in Germany.
"Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Cuckoo" It was three o'clock in the morning. Ramona rolled over under the covers and closed her eyes. But every time she tried, she saw her Mother's face. And it made her angry. Boiling mad.
After her third attempt at falling asleep, she threw her comforter off of her and got out of bed. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and slipped on her favorite sneakers. She crept down the hallway, past Tré and Eliot's bedroom door and past the room Frankito stayed in when he slept over. She snuck as silently as possible down the stairs, carefully skipping the squeaky step and pushed herself past the front door out into the night.
Ramona knew this wasn't the safest thing for a Fifteen year old girl to be doing, but it was the only thing she could think of at the time. She ran. She built up a comfortable pace and continued to sprint down the sidewalk toward the park. When she reached the small Berkeley playground Ramona headed straight for the large oak that stood in the center of the various swing sets and slides.
She must have inherited her climbing skills from her father, because in a matter of seconds, Ramona reached the highest limb of the tree and she sat there, facing the stars. Ramona bit her lip and clenched her small hands into fists.
"Why?" she asked, looking up into the universe. "Why'd you do it, Mom?"
And with those words, it seemed like every question and emotion poured out as if a levy had been broken.
"Was I not good enough? Did I not make you happy at all?" she asked the sky, trying to keep her voice down. "You could have at least left a better goddamned explanation then you did."
Ramona blubbered a bit, unable to say anything else. She hated her mother for leaving her, and she hated herself for feeling like she pushed her away. She stayed in the tree for a while, crying up at the stars, at the heavens. Finally, after about half an hour she climbed out of the Oak and sprinted back home, staying in the shadows incase anyone was out on the streets.
By the time she had reached the large house, the sky was beginning to lighten with the oncoming dawn. Ramona's tears had dried and she felt a little bit better, as if a tiny part of her broken heart had been mended.
Sneaking back into the house, Ramona stopped in the hallway in front of her Father's room and peered in. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness she could see her Dad sleeping deeply. His arm wrapped around Eliot, who was sleeping next to him, snuggled into his chest.
Even though she had just been crying her eyes out, this sight brought a small smile to the teenager's face. It warmed her heart to see her father so happy with someone and she only hoped she could feel that way again someday.
* * *
"Mrs. Armstrong your contractions are still rather far apart, I assure you still have quite some time until things get really close. But we'll be coming in to check on you. But if you have any questions or incase of emergency press that button on the wall to your right and a nurse will be here immediately. Alright?" Doctor Austin leaned against the doorframe holding a clipboard.
Adrienne bit her lip and nodded, still a little unsure about the doctor leaving her alone.
"Don't worry Adrienne," Dr. Austin smiled, "Just think, in a few hours you and your husband will be saying hello to your little boy."
Adrienne gave her an anxious smile and relaxed a little as the doctor left the room. Beside her bed, a machine monitored her labor, a line rising and falling 'That's Joey's heartbeat,' she thought to herself, an excited and nervous knot tying in her stomach.
"Knock, knock," a familiar voice echoed around the room, Adrienne turned her head toward the door.
"Oh thank God, Lisea." Adrienne sighed, happy to see a familiar face. "Where's Billie Joe?"
"Billie and his Mom are on their way," Lisea reassured her as she sat on the edge of Adrienne's hospital bed. "Now how is it that you got a chick doctor and mine was some eighty year old man?" she joked. Lisea had just given birth a few months before to a little girl; Adrienne was in the delivery room.
"I'd rather have the old man," Adie breathed, grabbing onto Lisea's hand as she felt a twisting deep inside her. "Dr. Austin's really young."
"Yeah but I'm sure she knows what she's doing. Ok, honey, breathe. You're doing great." Lisea held Adrienne's hand through her biggest contraction so far. She kept her eyes on the screen that monitored the contractions. "Alright Adie, the worst is over. The worst is over."
Adrienne kept her head down and her teeth clenched tight. She was breathing with sharp intakes and squeezing Lisea's hand so tightly she was afraid of cutting of the circulation. "God, I'm going to kill him," She groaned as the pain began to fade away and the grip on her friend lessened.
"Who?" Lisea smiled, already knowing the answer.
"Billie fucking Joe," Adrienne said, meaning every word.
Lisea laughed. "Trust me, you shouldn't kill him, but when the time comes, just dig your nails into him really deep."
Adrienne smiled. "Will do," she promised.
Lisea got up off the bed and leaned in to give her best friend a hug. "I should probably get out of here before the nurses come back. I don't even think I'm supposed to be in here."
"Hey, Lisea?" The mother-to-be called out.
"Yeah Hun?" Lisea turned right before she reached the door.
"What's it like?"
"I hate to tell you, but the worst is yet to come," Lisea smiled, "Just remember to breath and... "
"Not that," Adrienne interrupted. "I don't even want to imagine that." She shook her head. "Motherhood, what's that like?"
"Oh," The younger woman said softly. She thought for a moment before a smile spread across her face lighting up her features. "It's the most wonderful thing that will ever happen to you."
* * *
"Jakob, honey, you have to eat some carrots," Adrienne sighed, spooning a helping of the orange vegetable onto her youngest son's plate.
"But they're so gross, and I already have some beans." The 12 year old whined, pointing to the green beans on his plate.
"Well you need both honey, carrots are good for your eyes." Adrienne said, she really didn't feel like arguing with him right now.
"But Mom... "
"Jake, just eat a few and stop complaining." Billie Joe joined in, ending the argument. He could tell Adrienne was tired and didn't feel up to their son's debate.
Jakob let out a sigh and obeyed his parents by nibbling on a couple of carrots, making a face as he did. He wanted call his mother a hypocrite because she didn't have any carrots on her plate.
Actually, Adrienne barely had any food on her plate, just some of the chicken she had cooked them for dinner. Jakob held his tongue though, because both his parents seemed to have been in a bad mood since they came back from New York and he didn't feel like having both his Mom and Dad yelling at him.
The dinner table was quiet; all four of the Armstrongs ate silently. Even Joey, who was usually the conversation starter, seemed down in the dumps as he picked at his meal. Billie Joe noticed right away, he hated silences and he decided to take action.
"Hey Jakob, eat your carrots." He said in a goofy voice and when the other two boys looked up at him they instantly started to crack up.
Billie Joe had wedged two long carrot sticks up under his top lip, making him look like an orange-toothed walrus. He tried his best to keep a straight face as he sent both of his son's into a laughing fit.
"Hey Adie, you aren't eating any carrots," He acknowledged in a Barney-like voice, turning to his wife.
Adrienne looked up from her plate and tried her best to give him a warning look. But as soon as she tried she began to laugh, wiping her eyes with her hand as her shoulders shook with laughter.
Billie Joe smiled, satisfied with his work. He had made everything seem alright again, or for that moment anyway.
the space in this room
has turned on me
and all my fears have cornered me here
me and my TV screen
The volume's down
Blue lights are dancing around
and still, I can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind
Two nights later Ramona lay in her bed wide awake. She was staring at the ceiling and trying to form pictures out of the cracks in the ceiling. The TV in the corner of her bedroom was playing softly and Ramona was trying anything to keep her self from thinking.
She heard a faint sound echo up the stairway. It was the Cuckoo Clock her Grandfather had bought for her Dad in Germany.
"Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Cuckoo" It was three o'clock in the morning. Ramona rolled over under the covers and closed her eyes. But every time she tried, she saw her Mother's face. And it made her angry. Boiling mad.
After her third attempt at falling asleep, she threw her comforter off of her and got out of bed. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and slipped on her favorite sneakers. She crept down the hallway, past Tré and Eliot's bedroom door and past the room Frankito stayed in when he slept over. She snuck as silently as possible down the stairs, carefully skipping the squeaky step and pushed herself past the front door out into the night.
Ramona knew this wasn't the safest thing for a Fifteen year old girl to be doing, but it was the only thing she could think of at the time. She ran. She built up a comfortable pace and continued to sprint down the sidewalk toward the park. When she reached the small Berkeley playground Ramona headed straight for the large oak that stood in the center of the various swing sets and slides.
She must have inherited her climbing skills from her father, because in a matter of seconds, Ramona reached the highest limb of the tree and she sat there, facing the stars. Ramona bit her lip and clenched her small hands into fists.
"Why?" she asked, looking up into the universe. "Why'd you do it, Mom?"
And with those words, it seemed like every question and emotion poured out as if a levy had been broken.
"Was I not good enough? Did I not make you happy at all?" she asked the sky, trying to keep her voice down. "You could have at least left a better goddamned explanation then you did."
Ramona blubbered a bit, unable to say anything else. She hated her mother for leaving her, and she hated herself for feeling like she pushed her away. She stayed in the tree for a while, crying up at the stars, at the heavens. Finally, after about half an hour she climbed out of the Oak and sprinted back home, staying in the shadows incase anyone was out on the streets.
By the time she had reached the large house, the sky was beginning to lighten with the oncoming dawn. Ramona's tears had dried and she felt a little bit better, as if a tiny part of her broken heart had been mended.
Sneaking back into the house, Ramona stopped in the hallway in front of her Father's room and peered in. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness she could see her Dad sleeping deeply. His arm wrapped around Eliot, who was sleeping next to him, snuggled into his chest.
Even though she had just been crying her eyes out, this sight brought a small smile to the teenager's face. It warmed her heart to see her father so happy with someone and she only hoped she could feel that way again someday.
* * *
"Mrs. Armstrong your contractions are still rather far apart, I assure you still have quite some time until things get really close. But we'll be coming in to check on you. But if you have any questions or incase of emergency press that button on the wall to your right and a nurse will be here immediately. Alright?" Doctor Austin leaned against the doorframe holding a clipboard.
Adrienne bit her lip and nodded, still a little unsure about the doctor leaving her alone.
"Don't worry Adrienne," Dr. Austin smiled, "Just think, in a few hours you and your husband will be saying hello to your little boy."
Adrienne gave her an anxious smile and relaxed a little as the doctor left the room. Beside her bed, a machine monitored her labor, a line rising and falling 'That's Joey's heartbeat,' she thought to herself, an excited and nervous knot tying in her stomach.
"Knock, knock," a familiar voice echoed around the room, Adrienne turned her head toward the door.
"Oh thank God, Lisea." Adrienne sighed, happy to see a familiar face. "Where's Billie Joe?"
"Billie and his Mom are on their way," Lisea reassured her as she sat on the edge of Adrienne's hospital bed. "Now how is it that you got a chick doctor and mine was some eighty year old man?" she joked. Lisea had just given birth a few months before to a little girl; Adrienne was in the delivery room.
"I'd rather have the old man," Adie breathed, grabbing onto Lisea's hand as she felt a twisting deep inside her. "Dr. Austin's really young."
"Yeah but I'm sure she knows what she's doing. Ok, honey, breathe. You're doing great." Lisea held Adrienne's hand through her biggest contraction so far. She kept her eyes on the screen that monitored the contractions. "Alright Adie, the worst is over. The worst is over."
Adrienne kept her head down and her teeth clenched tight. She was breathing with sharp intakes and squeezing Lisea's hand so tightly she was afraid of cutting of the circulation. "God, I'm going to kill him," She groaned as the pain began to fade away and the grip on her friend lessened.
"Who?" Lisea smiled, already knowing the answer.
"Billie fucking Joe," Adrienne said, meaning every word.
Lisea laughed. "Trust me, you shouldn't kill him, but when the time comes, just dig your nails into him really deep."
Adrienne smiled. "Will do," she promised.
Lisea got up off the bed and leaned in to give her best friend a hug. "I should probably get out of here before the nurses come back. I don't even think I'm supposed to be in here."
"Hey, Lisea?" The mother-to-be called out.
"Yeah Hun?" Lisea turned right before she reached the door.
"What's it like?"
"I hate to tell you, but the worst is yet to come," Lisea smiled, "Just remember to breath and... "
"Not that," Adrienne interrupted. "I don't even want to imagine that." She shook her head. "Motherhood, what's that like?"
"Oh," The younger woman said softly. She thought for a moment before a smile spread across her face lighting up her features. "It's the most wonderful thing that will ever happen to you."
* * *
"Jakob, honey, you have to eat some carrots," Adrienne sighed, spooning a helping of the orange vegetable onto her youngest son's plate.
"But they're so gross, and I already have some beans." The 12 year old whined, pointing to the green beans on his plate.
"Well you need both honey, carrots are good for your eyes." Adrienne said, she really didn't feel like arguing with him right now.
"But Mom... "
"Jake, just eat a few and stop complaining." Billie Joe joined in, ending the argument. He could tell Adrienne was tired and didn't feel up to their son's debate.
Jakob let out a sigh and obeyed his parents by nibbling on a couple of carrots, making a face as he did. He wanted call his mother a hypocrite because she didn't have any carrots on her plate.
Actually, Adrienne barely had any food on her plate, just some of the chicken she had cooked them for dinner. Jakob held his tongue though, because both his parents seemed to have been in a bad mood since they came back from New York and he didn't feel like having both his Mom and Dad yelling at him.
The dinner table was quiet; all four of the Armstrongs ate silently. Even Joey, who was usually the conversation starter, seemed down in the dumps as he picked at his meal. Billie Joe noticed right away, he hated silences and he decided to take action.
"Hey Jakob, eat your carrots." He said in a goofy voice and when the other two boys looked up at him they instantly started to crack up.
Billie Joe had wedged two long carrot sticks up under his top lip, making him look like an orange-toothed walrus. He tried his best to keep a straight face as he sent both of his son's into a laughing fit.
"Hey Adie, you aren't eating any carrots," He acknowledged in a Barney-like voice, turning to his wife.
Adrienne looked up from her plate and tried her best to give him a warning look. But as soon as she tried she began to laugh, wiping her eyes with her hand as her shoulders shook with laughter.
Billie Joe smiled, satisfied with his work. He had made everything seem alright again, or for that moment anyway.