Speechless

Ashley was the last straw. I was everyone's go-to guy, because I somehow always gave the best advice to solve people's problems. But Ashley. For some reason, when she came to me, that was it. I was done.

I was tired of fixing everone's problems. I knew more about everyone than I wanted to know. I don't even remember how I became the go-to guy. It just kind of happened.

It wasn't Ashley's problem that sent me off the edge. I had just finally had enough. I knew I wouldn't last much longer until I finally blew up on someone. Unfortunately, Ashley was that someone.

So let's back up a little bit. First off, Ashley is my older sister. We're pretty close. She's 21 and is currently in college. She was home visiting when I had finally had enough of giving advice.

I had been relaxing, mindlessly watching TV. It had been a long day, starting with Blonde Bimbo number 134 in my school (I don't actually number the blonde girls in my school) and ending with Uber Geek number 45 (again, I don't really number). Anyways, there was a bunch of other people in between. Anyways, as I watched TV, I was contemplating the reason why people came to me all the time. The advice I gave was something anyone could come up with, if they actually thought things through. I fixed things the obvious way. And surprise! It usually worked. Could anyone in my school solve their own problems?

"Hey Andy," Ashley said coming into the living room and plopping down next to me on the couch.

"Hey," I said, keeping my eyes on the TV. We sat in silence each of us engrossed in the program on the television. At least I was, anyways.

"Andy?" my sister asked.

"Hmm," I said.

"Could I get some advice?" she asked. I stiffened as the words left her mouth. I flinched at the word advice. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't say anything. "Andy?"

I turned my head until I was looking at her.

"Advice?" I asked, tilting my head ever so slightly to the side. She looked a little scared for a moment before giving one nod of her head. "Well, Ashley, some good advice would be to not ask me for advice. Do you want to know why?"

She didn't say anything, so I continued.

"It's because everyday for the past year everyone, and I mean everyone has come to me for advice like I'm Dr. Phil or something," I said. I stood up and started toward the stairs.

When I was half way up, I heard footsteps behind me. Ashley was following me.

"I"m really sorry," she said. I kept going upstairs and Ashley kept following. We were almost to the top. "But Andy, I wouldn't ask you for advice if I didn't really need it."

I was on the top step. I turned quickly, startling Ashley.

"I said no!" I exclaimed. She teetered on the step. My eyes widened as I quickly reached out for her, but she was already falling. I'll never forget her eyes as she fell. Full of fear. She was scared. Time seemed to stand still, yet I couldn't stop her from falling. All I could do is stare. Not moving. Not blinking. Not breathing.

Time sped up as her head made contact with the floor at the bottom of the stairs. I stayed where I was staring down at her still body. My breath came out now, in short gasps. I was shaking as I moved slowly down the steps. When I was closer I saw that her chest was falling and rising evenly. She was breathing. I nearly collapsed when I saw the trail of blood starting to creep over the floor from under her head. I took a sharp intake of breath. I carefully moved around Ashley before running to the phone. I called the hospital, frantically giving them our address. They were sending an ambulance. I set the phone down. My breathing was still erratic and the room had now started to spin.

I went back near the stairs. Why was it so hot in here?

My breathing was becoming heavier. Where was the ambulance?

I started seeing spots. My breathing was raspy. Why couldn't I breathe?

Everything started to fade in and out of focus. I felt myself sway slightly. Then everything went black.

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My eyelids felt heavy as I tried to open it. After a few tries, I could finally see the white ceiling of the room I was in. The smell was familiar too. Definitely a hospital. I turned my head to the side. Ashley was in the bed next to me. She was awake, and sitting up. I could see that she was crying.

"Ashley," I said quietly. She jumped before looking at me and quickly wiping her eyes.

"Andy," she said, forcing a smile. "You're awake."

"Yeah," I said, frowning. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "What about you Mr. Panic Attack?"

"I'm fine, I guess," I said. She nodded her head. "I'm sorry, Ashley."

"For what?" she asked.

"It's my fault that you fell," I said.

"No," she said. "It's not. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I shouldn't have bugged you for advice."

I felt guilty still.

"I should have just given you advice," I said. "You are my sister after all."

"Don't worry about it," she said. I couldn't help noticing that all of her features showed signs of sadness and grief at the moment.

"Well, I've decided that I'll give you advice," I said.

"It's ok," she said. "I don't need it anymore."

I frowned.

"Ok," I said. She turned her head slightly to look out the window. I watched her face from the side. I saw a tear roll down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly, but another one followed.

"Will you just tell me what's wrong?" I said. She looked at me, before looking down at the sheet that covered her legs.

"Fine," she said. "Earlier, I was going to tell you that I was pregnant and I needed advice on how I should tell mom and dad. But..."

She let out a quiet sob.

"But when I fell," she continued. "I..I miscarried."

She whispered the last part before bursting into tears. She was sobbing loudly and I couldn't help the tears I felt pricking at my eyes. This was my fault.

"I don't w-want you t-to blame yourself," Ashley said. "It's n-not your f-fault."

I still felt guilty.

I said the one thing I could think of.

"We can get through this, Ash," I said. "You're strong."

She continued to cry. For once, I didn't have any advice. I didn't know what to say. But there was something I could do. I got out of my bed, not caring that the cords monitory my heart got ripped off. I walked to my sisters bed and wrapped my arms around her. I hugged her. Her arms encircled me tightly and she cried into my hospital gown.

After crying for a while, she calmed down a little. She released me slowly and lay back on her bed.

"Are you tired?" I asked her. She nodded her head. I left her side and went back to my bed.

"Andy?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Thank you."