So Make Me Promises I know You Can't Keep

Frank and I sat in my living room for a while, talking about where I was going when I finished college, where he planned to go with the band, high points and low points about being away from home, and anything else that came to mind.
‘‘I think I should get back now.’’ Frank said looking at the clock on the wall.
I nodded in agreement. ‘‘They’ll all be wondering where you went.’’ My tone was low and filled with disappointment.
Frank seemed to notice this as he neared the front door and stopped and turned to look at me. He lifted my head up with his hand and cupped the side of my face.
‘‘Don’t worry, I’ll come by and see you tomorrow.’’ He rubbed his thumb over my cheek and then kissed it lightly. ‘‘I promise.’’ With that, I hugged him and watched him walk down my garden and to his house, he waved as he stepped inside his house then shut the door.
I backed up through my front door then went to sit in the sofa and sulk that I couldn’t have Frank to myself like I used to. I knew we had both moved on, he had four new friends and a girlfriend, a band and he seemed happy enough. Me on the other hand hadn’t moved on…I had by making friends with Rosie,but I hadn’t moved on from my past and how strong of a friendship Frank and I did have. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t have a clue where I was going with my life, I just wanted to be ten again.
I sat and flicked through a few channels on the TV then Rosie came in through the front door, smiling as she sat next to me.
‘‘I take it you had fun?’’ I said as her smile didn’t falter.
She nodded frantically. ‘‘Gerard is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.’’ She beamed slouching back into the chair.
‘‘What about David?’’ I asked recalling the boy she loved for a long time then told him she didn’t.
‘‘Even more wonderful then David. Gerard is just so…I cant even put into words. He’s amazing.’’ Her tone was happy, excited and made the room that I had just filled with gloominess bright and happy.
‘‘Well I’m happy for you.’’ This was sincere, even though my love life was none existent and that sucked, Rosie deserved some happiness in her life, especially since she couldn’t even spend time with her family this summer.
‘‘Tilly, there’s something wrong.’’ Rosie said sternly.
‘‘There’s not. Everything’s fine.’’ I lied, which wasn’t a smart idea because Rosie knew when I lied and knew when there was something wrong with me.
‘‘Tilly, please don’t lie to me.’’ She said, sitting up from her slouched position.
I dropped my head into my hands. ‘‘Frank came over for a little while just now.’’ I started.
Rosie let out a slight squeal. ‘‘Go on.’’ She said.
‘‘We just sat and talked, I was happy that he chose to spend time with me rather then with his girlfriend, but obviously he had to go home and I’m jealous. I just want it to be like it was with me and him. Stupid promises!’’ I yelled in frustration.
‘‘Oh,’’ Rosie said then put an arm around my shoulder. ‘‘You can break your promises you know. Even if its to the person you love, if its going to chew you up inside, you have to tell him.’’ Rosie’s voice was so reassuring, so gentle, so full of optimism I couldn’t help want to take her advice and scream out to Frank how I felt that very second, but my negativity and thoughts held me back from doing it, telling me I would ruin everything.
‘‘I know I have to tell him but I just cant. I will feel like an utter idiot if he stares at me blankly and just nods. I cant ruin his relationship with Holly and mess ours up either.’’ I said brushing off Rosie’s arm from my shoulder in case more of her persuasion actually got me to tell Frank…right now it was one of the first but last things I wanted to do.
Life is never simple.
‘‘Relationship with Holly?! Please tell me you are joking Tilly.’’ She said in utter anger at me.
‘‘I’m not joking. I don’t want to be a person that splits people up for my own needs. Holly loves Frank even if he doesn’t have the same amount of love for her and I don’t want to be the one to hurt her.’’ I stood from the sofa and went upstairs so I didn’t have to argue with Rosie.
That was the last thing I wanted to end the night with.